Please help. Separation, unmarried he owns house and we have kids

[mosel]

Posting here for traffic

We have two kids, we need to split, he owns the house. Do I have any rights to stay at the property? I am main cater and we've lived here for the childrens whole lives

I’m no expert, but I don’t think it’s necessarily true you have no rights to live in the house.

The courts have to act in the best interests of the children, so if you are the primary carer and you refuse to move out, your partner might find it impossible to evict you until the children are grown up.

It happened to a friend of mine, although it was years ago.

You could try ringing CAB if you haven’t got money for a lawyer. Or Shelter.

I am so glad that this message is starting to filter through to women. If it’s an option for them to take paternity leave, if it’s an option for them to do equal parenting then it’s an option for them to pull their weight on a permanent basis too. He’s in the stronger financial position let him crack on.

@DogsDinner The only way your friend got to stay in that house until the kids were older was because the father allowed her to.
The courts would not enforce that arrangement even in a marriage.

It's mind boggling how many women fail to protect themselves, and fail to educate themselves on such basic things, at no point between moving in to a boyfriends property, or being impregnated, or quitting employment.

Completely depressing.

We are all brainwashed into accepting low standards of male behaviour.

That includes accepting the prospect of being unmarried mothers. No protection.

true love is making sure that your partner is protected. It’s not “we don’t need a bit of paper”

I don’t think the message will ever get through.

We are all brainwashed into accepting low standards of male behaviour
Hardly. Not everyone gets themselves into this situation.

It was this completely inaccurate and misleading comment from @ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat that has led to confusion on this thread.

basically, no. Its his house and you have no legal right to stay there at all, nor do the kids.

utter rubbish, of course his children have a legal right to living in the property,which is the family home, if they are his offspring, which they are.

Married yes. Not married no

You are in the shit.

Appeal to his better nature, if he has one and ask if you can have some money out of the house.

The best way to avoid this dreadful situation- where you have to approach him with your cap in your hand- is to get married before you have children or at the very least, make sure that your name is on the mortgage and deeds.

Do not fall for crap about engagements. A woman may as well thread a ring through her nose-it will give the same protection-nil- as an engagement ring on the finger.

If a man is chatting shite about wanting a baby but won't do either of these things, then tell him to continue emptying his pen into a tissue rather than you.

If you are wealthy, have a great career or own your own home, then you may decide to have a baby on your own ticket but DO NOT have a baby with anyone who won't protect you if you are not.

It's not rocket science. Too late for you OP but hopefully, your sorry tale will give others pause for thought.

Of course he has the right to see his kids. 50 50 custody as a starting point. What did you think not being married meant?

Get real legal advice. Your misconceptions are going to be painful to navigate.

So its for the big men in society to make us financially secure

Are you posting from 1850?

Indeed

You're right.

You're no expert

A court cannot force a homeowner to keep someone (who isnt a legal tenant) in their house against their will

The children just as easily be cared for by him, in his house, with him.

She isn’t saying that it’s for the men to make his financially secure or what she is saying is if it suits them to put us into a position where we aren’t and they need to rectify that by giving us the legal protection marriage was invented for.

it wasn’t conjured up for the event management industry.

Unmarried and not on tenancy or deeds you have no automatic right to remain in the property.

With regard the children, if he’s on birth certificate as dad he very much has rights
even If not on birth certificate he can apply for PR if it’s accepted he’s the father. He can add his name to the birth certificate you’re unmarried he will need to complete form to re-register a child’s birth as you weren’t married or in a civil partnership

This doesn’t sound like it’s going to be much fun for the kids…

What was the point of this hurtful comment?

Of course he has legal rights to his own children.
You have no rights to his house though.
This is a great post to warn women thinking of getting pregnant out of wedlock - a completely irresponsible thing to do.

So we're just little things on strings to be directed and pulled and decisions made for us and about us?

The whining and passiveness on these types of threads raises my blood pressure

For a start there is no indication in the OP as to why they are separating, so all the comments about 'low standards of male behaviour' are misguided, for all anyone knows she might be the one that has contributed to/caused the split. She hasnt said

Next up, unless theres something she didnt tell us, she had the choice as to whether to have a child or not, no once forced her, she wasnt put in a position where she wasnt financially secure, she did this to herself. No doubt it was convenient that someone else was supplying a house. Again she might be about to drip feed that she paid 50k into the property or something, in which case that changes things but she came into a domestic situation with zero finances. Thats on her, not on anyone else.

If we want to be treated as equals, with equal power and equal opportunity then its up to us to ensure that we give ourselves the power and oppportunity.

Why is it the man’s fault? It takes two to tango - women know full well how babies are made and have free access to contraceptives in the UK.

She was saying just that. Women can make themselves financially secure, and simply refuse to allow a man "to put us in a position which suits them".
Jesus, some of us actually have minds (and careers) of our own, we're not moldable halfwits at the mercy of what our partners may or may not prefer.

I forgot to add. Im not married

I own the majority of this house, made sure Im protected in the deeds and Im the main breadwinner.

He also has no legal right to the kids is that correct?

If he’s on the birth certificate which I assume he is, then he has just as much legal rights to his children as you do.

You do not have any rights to his house if he owns it and you’re unmarried.

He’s obviously in a much better situation than you considering he owns his own home and has a job.

I think the children should stay in their home if possible so it may be easier if that’s their base and they come to your new place EOW and a couple of evenings during the week.

Of course it will mean DH doing more childcare but you’ll both need to work and do childcare equally.

All of this ^^

Particularly with relevance to if it suits them to put us into a position where we aren’t and they need to rectify that by giving us the legal protection marriage was invented for.

Women have agency to stop themselves being in shitty situations. They should use it.

If she was married she'd be entitled to some of the house and of his other assets.