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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be happy with your partner sitting on other women's laps?

125 replies

Tryingtogetaflatstomach · 20/08/2022 10:07

And dancing intimately with them at 4am (even if they didn't kiss)
I've read the articles about the Finnish PM. I think it's ridiculous that she's being criticised for going to a nightclub with friends, and enjoying herself. Boris and co have done far worse.
However I do feel a bit bad for her husband. She was caught dancing quite intimately with some hip hop singer and sitting on different men's laps.
How would you feel honestly if your partner did this?

OP posts:
Antarcticant · 20/08/2022 10:09

I wouldn't be happy.

Original poster
Tryingtogetaflatstomach · 20/08/2022 10:09

Having a friendly group dance is one thing but I really wouldn't dance closely with another man, even if it were a male friend.

OP posts:
PPop · 20/08/2022 10:14

No I wouldn't feel happy about that and I wouldn't act that way behind my partners back either.

DigitalGoat · 20/08/2022 10:18

I would be unhappy. But given that he weighs 18st, the other women would be unhappier.

HRTQueen · 20/08/2022 10:18

The issue really is was there cocaine use going on (mmm looks like it)

she had taken a drugs test but unless given a hair sample it’s too late so maybe it will benefit her maybe not

it’s not how we expect to see country leaders act but I can think of far worse behaviour from leaders but as they are mostly men the standards are different

Snoken · 20/08/2022 10:41

I know it’s not a race to the bottom, but I bet this night out was far cleaner than most male politicians and business mens nights out. It’s between her and her husband to work out what they are OK with, but she didn’t use her position to sexually exploit or abuse anyone.

KimberleyClark · 20/08/2022 10:45

The last bf I had before DH, looking for him at a party I caught him dancing a slow number with another woman to what I thought was our song. She was sort of a friend of his but even so I didn't like it.

tenterden · 20/08/2022 10:46

I would, and have, dump them.

KimberleyClark · 20/08/2022 10:47

And re the Finnish PM it's not dignified behaviour for a world leader.

Longdistance · 20/08/2022 11:04

I wouldn’t be too happy either.
I once went to a do at a sporting club with friends and my friend was flirting with some guys from the club. She at one point was sitting on a guys knee with her arm around him. Her dh was there. Needless to say, they are no longer together. But that had more to do with how she was when she was drinking and being aggressive with her dh.

Bluebells12 · 20/08/2022 11:06

All Western world leaders drink alcohol. (Downing street is drunk quite regularly, it seems.)

This story has such a creepy subtext about controlling women. The press wouldn’t have minded if she’d drunk two bottles of wine over a posh dinner with the men. They’re angry because she was dancing.

I’ve been accused by onlookers of being on drugs when I was just having a lovely dance. Have never done drugs. I guess I should have stood meekly in a corner and waited for a man to tell me how to relax in a way acceptable to men 😐

KimberleyClark · 20/08/2022 11:11

Bluebells12 · 20/08/2022 11:06

All Western world leaders drink alcohol. (Downing street is drunk quite regularly, it seems.)

This story has such a creepy subtext about controlling women. The press wouldn’t have minded if she’d drunk two bottles of wine over a posh dinner with the men. They’re angry because she was dancing.

I’ve been accused by onlookers of being on drugs when I was just having a lovely dance. Have never done drugs. I guess I should have stood meekly in a corner and waited for a man to tell me how to relax in a way acceptable to men 😐

There's dancing and there's dancing and then there is sitting on laps.

I don't think the press would have been any easier on a married male politician slow dancing with women other than his partner and having those women sit on his lap.

ilyx · 20/08/2022 11:17

Am I the only one who finds going to a nightclub at 35 kind of cringe? I’m 32 and would feel way too old to be clubbing.

Marvellousmadness · 20/08/2022 11:19

I think a woman sitting on a man's lap is different to a man sitting on a womans lap.

The whole dancing thing? Well there is dancing closely. And dancing grossly... so yeah

. Depends on the person etc

fufflecake · 20/08/2022 11:22

It's between her and her husband

goshy · 20/08/2022 11:27

I do think she's getting a tougher time than male politicians who actually sleep about.

Arnaquer · 20/08/2022 11:31

ilyx · 20/08/2022 11:17

Am I the only one who finds going to a nightclub at 35 kind of cringe? I’m 32 and would feel way too old to be clubbing.

I'm 50 and go clubbing now and again, I'm not dead yet

Cherchezlaspice · 20/08/2022 11:36

Boris had 97 children out of wedlock, has repeatedly been racist and has given jobs to women he was shagging, but a woman in her thirties is being vilified for having a dance at a mate’s party. And we have zero indication that her partner had an issue with it.

There appears to be a ‘morality clause’ for women in the public eye that doesn’t exist for male public figures.

FlorettaB · 20/08/2022 11:37

It’s policing women’s behaviour.

Cherchezlaspice · 20/08/2022 11:37

KimberleyClark · 20/08/2022 10:47

And re the Finnish PM it's not dignified behaviour for a world leader.

Why is she required to be ‘dignified’, exactly? And who decides the metric for ‘dignity’?

KimberleyClark · 20/08/2022 11:38

Cherchezlaspice · 20/08/2022 11:36

Boris had 97 children out of wedlock, has repeatedly been racist and has given jobs to women he was shagging, but a woman in her thirties is being vilified for having a dance at a mate’s party. And we have zero indication that her partner had an issue with it.

There appears to be a ‘morality clause’ for women in the public eye that doesn’t exist for male public figures.

Boris's behaviour was villified. Not enough but it was.

Cherchezlaspice · 20/08/2022 11:41

ilyx · 20/08/2022 11:17

Am I the only one who finds going to a nightclub at 35 kind of cringe? I’m 32 and would feel way too old to be clubbing.

I think having this sort of opinion on his other people choose to enjoy themselves is puerile, to be honest. You are not a teenager, you should have at some point realised and accepted that other people have different tastes to you. If you don’t like clubbing, cool, nobody is asking you to do it.

Deciding it is ‘cringe’ if other people do something after some arbitrary age cutoff (that you’ve decided) is considerably more immature than any recreational activity I can think of.

cannypants · 20/08/2022 11:43

I think the vilification is abhorrent. I'm not familiar with Finnish policy is but by all accounts she's been a well respected prime minister. I'm guessing this is how she chooses to live her life and to date it doesn't appear to have a detrimental effect on her leadership

And who gets to call 'undignified'?? I'm pretty sure the majority of the ruling parties have been bullingdon members and they're notorious for undignified behaviour

Cherchezlaspice · 20/08/2022 11:44

KimberleyClark · 20/08/2022 11:38

Boris's behaviour was villified. Not enough but it was.

Show quote history

The behaviour that I’ve listed in that post most certainly was not. It wasn’t widely reported on the international news and it certainly didn’t stop him from becoming PM.

He eventually jumped the shark, but a woman would NEVER have got that far. Unless you think a female politician with multiple children from different men and several scandals under her belt would be elected Prime Minister?

KimberleyClark · 20/08/2022 11:46

So all those asking why she should be dignified were absolutely fine with how Boris comported himself while holding high public office then?