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CF have come to stay, how to handle it

1000 replies

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 14:42

Have name changed as this will be very outing.

DP asked if some relatives could come and stay for a few days. These are actually relatives of his ex wife, not blood relatives to him, but he knew them a good few years ago. We live in a holiday type area and have the room.

I didn't know much about them except they were late thirties/early forties, apparently lovely. And have had a hard couple of years as their 9yo dd has been quite ill, but is now in recovery and things are looking good.
So of course I said yes. Sounds like they have had a crap time and needed a bit of a break from it all. Said they were coming just the 2 of them, not bringing their dd.

They arrived 4 days ago. Haven't yet said when they are leaving.

The issue is they are incredibly entitled and I really really am beginning to not like them. They arrived with nothing - not a bottle of wine or a bunch of flowers. not that I expect anything but its etiquette surely to arrive with a gesture when you're staying in someones house for free. But that in itself wasn't an issue, just a little surprising.
They were all smiles and hugging DP, saying hi and basically ignored me for a good 10 minutes, just a little hello after that. No word of thanks for saying we could come or anything at this point either.
They haven't offered to buy any food. Me and DP are cooking for them. Haven't bought any drink, though they've been getting through ours very well.
Initially I thought maybe they are skint. Also on my mind was it must be awful having an ill child and they are perhaps still a bit stressed on this.

A few days in, it transpires that during the last 8 months they have been abroad on holiday twice (just them, not their dd), and a week away with their dd. So not short of holidays or 'breaks from it all'. Plus they are thinking of having their kitchen remodelled.
Still not massively friendly with me. But over the top with DP. Still no word of thanks for anything, not even after cooking a meal.
The wife also put baby wipes down the toilet when i'd specifcally said nothing in the toilet please as its a septic tank and anything other than normal toilet roll blocks it (only mentioend because we've learnt that every time after guests the thing blocks because they put sanitary towels, toilet wipes and god knows what down it, and it costs us to get it unblocked). Her reason was, she always uses babywipes on her face. Well ok, put them in the damn bin then.

Last night was almost my final straw. We went out to dinner. Their suggestion. I had a slightly more expensive starter than the rest of them (but wasn't drinking, so that should surely even out). By more expensive it was about £5 more.
When bill comes, DP said lets split down the middle (actually fully thinking they would say their treat for their stay so far) and they fussed about me having the more expensive starter but grudgingly agreed even though I hadn't had alcohol and both of them had.

I mean, seriously. £5 more, and we've fed them for 4 days, they've drank copious bottles of wine and beer while they've done sod all to help out - no offer to clear up or anything, or help fetch food or drink in. Literally nothing.

If they are so seriously short of money, then don't drive a 4 hour journey and invite yourself to someones house and freeload. Although a kitchen remodel isn't cheap.

I want them to leave. DP is also getting really pissed off with them. They clearly didn't need the break after their shit couple of years because they've been abroad more in last 8 months than we have in 4 years. Plus we are far from rich, we are literally scraping by most of the time. Feel like we've totally been taken advantage of.

I want to find out when they are leaving and I need to try and tell them in the nicest possible way to hurry up and bugger off.
So any ways I can word this, without looking like a total bitch?

OP posts:
Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 19/08/2022 16:49

Wow this is all just incredible, I knew people like this existed but still, wow. Do not bottle it! If they dare to ask for money, I would get angry enough to ask them to leave. The restaurant behaviour was beyond belief. Hope they leave soon OP, I suspect they know they've been rumbled now and will make a quick exit since the gravy train has stopped.

REP22 · 19/08/2022 16:49

Top updates @SeriouslyLosingTheWill , good for you.

Is it wrong to appreciate a good CF thread?

Also, I wanted to say: A sick child does not a "Get Out of Being a CFer Free" card make. There's no excuse for the way they've treated you and your home.

I wonder if they'll return empty-handed because they "couldn't find" the shops? I also wonder if they might be the ex-wife's "flying monkeys", sent to snoop and report back? Either way, get 'em gone.

Best wishes to you.

Batmannequin · 19/08/2022 16:49

KosherDill · 19/08/2022 16:46

"Reimburse you? We thought this was your treat for your farewell dinner."

Tell them you expect other guests this weekend and need the space back. I can't believe Mrs. CF made herself a tea and didn't even offer you one as you sat there.

Do they just make the rounds taking advantage of distant relatives?

I wonder how often they've foisted themselves on an unexpected host only to find they've never been invited back and blocked from all methods of communication shortly after.

FlissyPaps · 19/08/2022 16:50

Brilliant updates OP! Fully invested.

Bloody good on you for having the balls to ask them to go to the shops. Absolutely do not reimburse their receipt.

BrieAndChilli · 19/08/2022 16:51

I wouldn’t say you are going away (as they may ask to stay in the empty house) I’d make conversation as you said about what time they are leaving tomorrow - acting as if that was the plan all along and if they say anything just say you have other guests arriving Saturday afternoon and they are taking you out for dinner..

Flumpaphone · 19/08/2022 16:51

I bet they come back with something else and say they decided they didn't fancy steak after all.

lilroo87 · 19/08/2022 16:51

"I still find it very baffling. whenever I've stayed at anyones and we've been shopping I've always insisted on paying, even if the shopping included normal household stuff they needed. And I've always replaced wine or provided wine on arrival. Its so bloody odd."

@SeriouslyLosingTheWill yes, this! I live in a tourist area and often have family visit. They tend to bring things for us, buy us dinner etc. My mum always sends money towards food shopping/bills or whatever so it's cheeky when people don't think of these things. Even if we didn't live in a tourist area, it's just courtesy as a guest, surely.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to the updates when they return

BrieAndChilli · 19/08/2022 16:52

Regarding the tea thing - if I’m staying in someone else house or have guests in mine I would ALWAYS go and find the others and ask if they want a cuppa.

Roussette · 19/08/2022 16:53

BrieAndChilli · 19/08/2022 16:52

Regarding the tea thing - if I’m staying in someone else house or have guests in mine I would ALWAYS go and find the others and ask if they want a cuppa.

Because you're a nice person. These aren't.

Flumpaphone · 19/08/2022 16:53

Or they'll be 2 or 3 hours and say they fancied a drive and saw a lovely pub so decided they'd stop for an early dinner

ilovesooty · 19/08/2022 16:53

I certainly wouldn't be saying it's been nice to see them because it hasn't.

TuxedoJunction · 19/08/2022 16:54

I bet they come back with something else and say they decided they didn't fancy steak after all.

This! I bet they buy as little as possible too 😏

Trivester · 19/08/2022 16:54

Well done OP. You’ve really risen to the challenge.

Tinkly laugh at any hint of staying while you’re away at your aunts. If you get out manoeuvred on the receipt you can always agree to pay it later. There’s always a bit more later to wait.

ChobKnees · 19/08/2022 16:54

Yeah definitely agree with you. I stayed at my parents for a few days whilst I was struggling with my newborn and I even felt bad then. So I did a good shop for them and even cooked dinner one of the nights. They are CF for not offering a thank you, money, food or drink!

Poppyblush · 19/08/2022 16:55

They are such tightwads!

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 16:55

Have just popped my head in their room and they haven't done a runner. Everything is still there.

OP posts:
HoppingKangaroo · 19/08/2022 16:56

I bet they bring back something cheap or not enough for everyone. Or even worse went to the pub to feed themselves and bring you nothing.

LookItsMeAgain · 19/08/2022 16:57

One other suggestion for them leaving would be "Oh do be a dear won't you and strip the beds tomorrow morning before you leave?"

Can't wait to find out what's for dinner - will it be 🐄 or 🐓 or 🐖

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 19/08/2022 16:58

TuxedoJunction · 19/08/2022 16:54

I bet they come back with something else and say they decided they didn't fancy steak after all.

This! I bet they buy as little as possible too 😏

Value pasta and a jar of own brand pasta sauce is my guess!

Odd to have an indefinite stay. Don't they have to get back to work? I wonder how long the grandparents are expecting to have the little girl.

boingy · 19/08/2022 16:59

Ooo.. just joined this. Sound like absolute freeloaders.. they should have offered to go out shopping of their own accord and at least got a takeaway in for you all.
Can't wait to find out what they come back from the shop with and what transpires!

Batmannequin · 19/08/2022 16:59

Get them to cook it too, fuck it! You won't have to see them again. Everyone likes their steak done differently, suggest they cook it to their own taste.

IncompleteSenten · 19/08/2022 16:59

My guess is they'll have gone out to eat and will bring fuck all back.
Or they'll bring the stuff and hand you the receipt and insist you pay them back.

If I win I claim chocolate as my prize.

You and your partner need to tell them they are being fucking rude.

Who cares if his ex wife's friends think you're the bad guy? Anyone who says anything to you about it can be treated to a list of all the ways they've been complete twats.

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 16:59

If they go to the pub and eat after I asked them to get dinner, I shall throw them out there and then. I really don't think they'd do that.

But then, I didn't think someone was capable of making a cuppa and not asking the person whose actual house it was if they wanted one, when they were sat inches away - and chatting to them.

OP posts:
Shaaameless · 19/08/2022 16:59

Pack their bags & tell them they have to go as you cannot afford them any longer. They don’t like or respect you or your home. You have nothing to lose unless you tolerate them another night which will turn in to another day …

KangFang · 19/08/2022 17:00

I'm totally here for this. Grin

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