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CF have come to stay, how to handle it

1000 replies

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 14:42

Have name changed as this will be very outing.

DP asked if some relatives could come and stay for a few days. These are actually relatives of his ex wife, not blood relatives to him, but he knew them a good few years ago. We live in a holiday type area and have the room.

I didn't know much about them except they were late thirties/early forties, apparently lovely. And have had a hard couple of years as their 9yo dd has been quite ill, but is now in recovery and things are looking good.
So of course I said yes. Sounds like they have had a crap time and needed a bit of a break from it all. Said they were coming just the 2 of them, not bringing their dd.

They arrived 4 days ago. Haven't yet said when they are leaving.

The issue is they are incredibly entitled and I really really am beginning to not like them. They arrived with nothing - not a bottle of wine or a bunch of flowers. not that I expect anything but its etiquette surely to arrive with a gesture when you're staying in someones house for free. But that in itself wasn't an issue, just a little surprising.
They were all smiles and hugging DP, saying hi and basically ignored me for a good 10 minutes, just a little hello after that. No word of thanks for saying we could come or anything at this point either.
They haven't offered to buy any food. Me and DP are cooking for them. Haven't bought any drink, though they've been getting through ours very well.
Initially I thought maybe they are skint. Also on my mind was it must be awful having an ill child and they are perhaps still a bit stressed on this.

A few days in, it transpires that during the last 8 months they have been abroad on holiday twice (just them, not their dd), and a week away with their dd. So not short of holidays or 'breaks from it all'. Plus they are thinking of having their kitchen remodelled.
Still not massively friendly with me. But over the top with DP. Still no word of thanks for anything, not even after cooking a meal.
The wife also put baby wipes down the toilet when i'd specifcally said nothing in the toilet please as its a septic tank and anything other than normal toilet roll blocks it (only mentioend because we've learnt that every time after guests the thing blocks because they put sanitary towels, toilet wipes and god knows what down it, and it costs us to get it unblocked). Her reason was, she always uses babywipes on her face. Well ok, put them in the damn bin then.

Last night was almost my final straw. We went out to dinner. Their suggestion. I had a slightly more expensive starter than the rest of them (but wasn't drinking, so that should surely even out). By more expensive it was about £5 more.
When bill comes, DP said lets split down the middle (actually fully thinking they would say their treat for their stay so far) and they fussed about me having the more expensive starter but grudgingly agreed even though I hadn't had alcohol and both of them had.

I mean, seriously. £5 more, and we've fed them for 4 days, they've drank copious bottles of wine and beer while they've done sod all to help out - no offer to clear up or anything, or help fetch food or drink in. Literally nothing.

If they are so seriously short of money, then don't drive a 4 hour journey and invite yourself to someones house and freeload. Although a kitchen remodel isn't cheap.

I want them to leave. DP is also getting really pissed off with them. They clearly didn't need the break after their shit couple of years because they've been abroad more in last 8 months than we have in 4 years. Plus we are far from rich, we are literally scraping by most of the time. Feel like we've totally been taken advantage of.

I want to find out when they are leaving and I need to try and tell them in the nicest possible way to hurry up and bugger off.
So any ways I can word this, without looking like a total bitch?

OP posts:
BruceAndNosh · 19/08/2022 16:21

ToBeHere · 19/08/2022 16:19

They’ll be handing you the receipt!

or, they’ll come back with a solo chicken.

As long as it's MN chicken, you won't have to shop for another week!

HowzAboutIt · 19/08/2022 16:22

An OP who actually takes the advice and stands up for herself! Yeah!!

Well done @SeriouslyLosingTheWill . Sounds like you have some great responses ready

ZeroFsKarma · 19/08/2022 16:22

Tell them you have other guests due early next week (last minute) & those guests have messaged you to tell you all the food & drink they plan on bringing with them for you all. Maybe slip in they are asking about what type of gift to bring too!

TheOriginalClownfish · 19/08/2022 16:22

Delphigirl · 19/08/2022 15:00

Just say to them “well it has been very nice to see you, what time are you leaving tomorrow? It needs to be before lunch”. Like it was arranged. If they say “we weee hoping to stay until Tuesday” or whatever, say “Oh, no that’s not possible! There must be some misunderstanding. We are terribly busy over the next few days. Shall we say breakfast at 9 and then off you go? We have to leave the house at 10.30 and need to lock up”.
thats it
If they try to argue, look at them as though they were mad and hold the line “No I’m afraid you must be gone by 10 tomorrow”.

This is what I would do.

Reallybadidea · 19/08/2022 16:22

I would say that it's been lovely to see them but that you've got lots to do over the next few days so you're sure they will understand you asking them what time they're planning to leave tomorrow.

It's crazy how we tie ourselves in knots not to be rude towards people who have no problem with being rude towards us!

ReginaFalangeee · 19/08/2022 16:24

Ooooh I’m actually waiting with baited breath to see what they come back with!!!

OP I’ll be thoroughly outraged if you get anything less the 6 juicy fillet steaks!!!

NoSquirrels · 19/08/2022 16:25

Of course they’ll have the receipt for you. I’d just bustle about and ignore it. If they ask directly to be reimbursed then say, “Oh, right, erm… OK. We’ve no cash and a bit broke right now - gets expensive hosting! Leave the receipt there for now.” Then keep bustling.

If they push it then you can go on to give them the unvarnished truth…

Sproutingpotatoes · 19/08/2022 16:25

They're going to ask for money. I can feel it in me waters! What will you say if they do?

ifIwerenotanandroid · 19/08/2022 16:25

Macdonalds

A MN chicken

are also in the sweepstake (sweepsteak).

Bobbins36 · 19/08/2022 16:26

Bet they come back with minute steaks too. Cheeky beggars.

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 16:26

I'll update you all once they are back with the hoards of delights they have purchased from the shop! I hope.

Well at least hopefully food and some wine. I have definitely earned todays wine.

OP posts:
ifIwerenotanandroid · 19/08/2022 16:26

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 16:18

Holy shit, they have gone out in the car!

Have you checked their bedroom, OP? I reckon they've done a runner.

alibongo5 · 19/08/2022 16:27

viques · 19/08/2022 16:21

Better still, ask for their bank details to do a transfer, but oh no! you can’t log into your online account , never mind, you will keep checking and transfer the money when hell freezes over as soon as you can.

Why is offering to pay them (even if you don't) "better still" than asking for them to knock it off what they owe for food all week? You must be joking! That would be acknowledging they should be paid for the shopping!

CottonSock · 19/08/2022 16:28

It better not be shitty cheap steak, like a bit of rubber. Can't believe their cheek.

WimpoleHat · 19/08/2022 16:30

Definitely call them out loudly if they present you for a bill for the food, though. Be prepared for that one…..

Lottapianos · 19/08/2022 16:30

Well done for finding your backbone OP. It takes a bit of practice and a lot of guts to stand up to cheeky fuckers if you're a decent normal person yourself. Great advice about asking them what time they're off tomorrow and then STAND FIRM. If they have the brass neck to hand you a receipt or ask for money then please just laugh in their faces and walk out of the room!

UniversalAunt · 19/08/2022 16:31

I’m gripped by this.

They left the house at 16:08 so by now will they be at the supermarket?
Is there a live car park webcam feed?

Here’s one I watched earlier: www.harbourlights.co.uk/webcam/

@SeriouslyLosingTheWill have you popped into the room to check that their stuff is still there? Are they coming back or done a late afternoon flit?

Agh, I have stuff to do, must tear my self away.
What is their ETA back at the ranch?
I’ll be back.

WiddlinDiddlin · 19/08/2022 16:32

Oh they are definitely going to ask for the money and expect you to cook it. Do neither.

Money:

'Oh what great value, well done, I bet you're pleased' - thats a great one.

'Take it off what you owe us when you settle up with us when you leave' - is another excellent choice.

find a particular item of note 'Oooh xxx item, aren't you generous, I never buy those for myself, yum!'

Cooking:

'Well I have a ton of ironing/laundry/hoovering upstairs/paper work to do so if we want to eat around 7, can you get started cooking at 6.15 please? Everythings easy to find but feel free to rummage if you can't find something you need or just ask DH/Teenager of course!'

'Oh fabulous, what time do you want to start cooking, Im super busy so it will be lovely, just the steaks and a nice salad will do, I like mine medium rare thanks!'

Leaving: (after they've cooked).

'You'll want to be off early in the morning I'm sure so don't wait for us to get up, just go when you're ready, we won't be offended. Can you transfer £££ for the food/wine etc you've drunk/eaten, ive knocked off 50% of last nights shop of course!'

beastlyslumber · 19/08/2022 16:32

I liked the suggestion from pp that if they give you the receipt you say, ooh that was a bargain for you, and put it away.

If they actually say they require to be reimbursed, then laugh and say something like, omg imagine if you actually did ask me to pay for your dinner! Like, imagine if you were that rude! Ha ha!

ToadiesCouzin · 19/08/2022 16:32

Well you won't be inviting them again, so who care's if they're offended? Tbh, it would be better if they didn't want to stay again, or they'll be asking for more visits. Tell them you need them to leave. Make up an excuse if you really feel the need to be polite. You and your OH could pretend you've both come down with a really nasty tummy bug and they need to leave sharpish. You'll need to stop cooking for them etc, you're confined to your bedroom and bathroom, there's no way you can host and it's probably really contagious. They should leave asap before they get symptoms too. If that doesn't work, just kick them out.

notanothertakeaway · 19/08/2022 16:33

If they ask for money for food, just say "Actually I thought it would be nice if you could get that, as we've spent quite a bit on food and drink for the last few days". Bright and breezy is probably the way to go

A tip I read once - when you're trying to be assertive, behave as if you're ordering food in a restaurant - ie polite and friendly, but with a clear expectation that you'll get what you want

Roussette · 19/08/2022 16:33

Don't say 'it's been lovely to have you hear but...'
That's madness!
It hasn't been lovely to have them there!

If they hand you a receipt, just say ''what's this?? Why are you giving me this?!'

If they say so you can reimburse us... just laugh a lot, and say 'of course you are JOKING, aren't you, after I've fed you and opened wine nonstop for days, hahaha, I know you must be joking'

UniversalAunt · 19/08/2022 16:33

Could you text them to pick up some bread, milk, loo roll & cuddly toy😉

unname · 19/08/2022 16:33

I am personally so proud of you!

Justmuddlingalong · 19/08/2022 16:33

Oh god, what if they suggest just staying here while we go and visit aunt?
Stern look and "are you having a fucking laugh?"

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