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CF have come to stay, how to handle it

1000 replies

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 14:42

Have name changed as this will be very outing.

DP asked if some relatives could come and stay for a few days. These are actually relatives of his ex wife, not blood relatives to him, but he knew them a good few years ago. We live in a holiday type area and have the room.

I didn't know much about them except they were late thirties/early forties, apparently lovely. And have had a hard couple of years as their 9yo dd has been quite ill, but is now in recovery and things are looking good.
So of course I said yes. Sounds like they have had a crap time and needed a bit of a break from it all. Said they were coming just the 2 of them, not bringing their dd.

They arrived 4 days ago. Haven't yet said when they are leaving.

The issue is they are incredibly entitled and I really really am beginning to not like them. They arrived with nothing - not a bottle of wine or a bunch of flowers. not that I expect anything but its etiquette surely to arrive with a gesture when you're staying in someones house for free. But that in itself wasn't an issue, just a little surprising.
They were all smiles and hugging DP, saying hi and basically ignored me for a good 10 minutes, just a little hello after that. No word of thanks for saying we could come or anything at this point either.
They haven't offered to buy any food. Me and DP are cooking for them. Haven't bought any drink, though they've been getting through ours very well.
Initially I thought maybe they are skint. Also on my mind was it must be awful having an ill child and they are perhaps still a bit stressed on this.

A few days in, it transpires that during the last 8 months they have been abroad on holiday twice (just them, not their dd), and a week away with their dd. So not short of holidays or 'breaks from it all'. Plus they are thinking of having their kitchen remodelled.
Still not massively friendly with me. But over the top with DP. Still no word of thanks for anything, not even after cooking a meal.
The wife also put baby wipes down the toilet when i'd specifcally said nothing in the toilet please as its a septic tank and anything other than normal toilet roll blocks it (only mentioend because we've learnt that every time after guests the thing blocks because they put sanitary towels, toilet wipes and god knows what down it, and it costs us to get it unblocked). Her reason was, she always uses babywipes on her face. Well ok, put them in the damn bin then.

Last night was almost my final straw. We went out to dinner. Their suggestion. I had a slightly more expensive starter than the rest of them (but wasn't drinking, so that should surely even out). By more expensive it was about £5 more.
When bill comes, DP said lets split down the middle (actually fully thinking they would say their treat for their stay so far) and they fussed about me having the more expensive starter but grudgingly agreed even though I hadn't had alcohol and both of them had.

I mean, seriously. £5 more, and we've fed them for 4 days, they've drank copious bottles of wine and beer while they've done sod all to help out - no offer to clear up or anything, or help fetch food or drink in. Literally nothing.

If they are so seriously short of money, then don't drive a 4 hour journey and invite yourself to someones house and freeload. Although a kitchen remodel isn't cheap.

I want them to leave. DP is also getting really pissed off with them. They clearly didn't need the break after their shit couple of years because they've been abroad more in last 8 months than we have in 4 years. Plus we are far from rich, we are literally scraping by most of the time. Feel like we've totally been taken advantage of.

I want to find out when they are leaving and I need to try and tell them in the nicest possible way to hurry up and bugger off.
So any ways I can word this, without looking like a total bitch?

OP posts:
sixswans · 19/08/2022 21:40

OP tonight may well be the greatest achievement of your life. Respect.

phoneybaloney · 19/08/2022 21:40

Best thread ever. Bravo to you both for handling it so well this evening. Fingers crossed for a nice quiet evening and that they leave at dawn.

I think they may win top CF prize in the CF hall of shame.

Mangledrake · 19/08/2022 21:40

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 21:38

I've actually had a little cry. My emotions are through the roof. Stupid I know. It was such a ridiculous situation.
I hate upsetting people, but I think the line about wasting steak turned my nervousness into anger. I don't actually care what they say about us. If anyone asks I'll send them a link to this.

I'll explain to the DC tomorrow as they've disappeared to their rooms, and i'm slightly drunk, as they had really no clue what had went down the last 4 days.

I won't ask them to go tonight as they have both been drinking, tempting as it is, but I do hope they leave early tomorrow. And don't hang around for croissants. With the posh butter they bought too!

I haven't properly read all the comments I don't think as theres so many, I sort of rush read them, but I will go back over them all tomorrow.

Sorry it's upset you. I think the release of tension after winding myself up to confront them would have done that to me too. Hope you can leave DH to see them off in the morning and enjoy your space and peace.

JudgeRindersMinder · 19/08/2022 21:41

For me, one of the best parts of this has been that your dh has been totally on board with you!

Travis1 · 19/08/2022 21:41

Oh bless you don’t get upset over them. They’ve shown you who they are quite clearly. Well done you for standing up to them.

IDontDrinkTea · 19/08/2022 21:41

You are the stuff of legends OP. I also love that you’ve taken the crisps upstairs to your room

WimpoleHat · 19/08/2022 21:41

you should ahve told us we were buying dinner as we wouldn't have wasted money on steak!

Bloody hell! Well - she’s honest, I’ll give her that….

PatchworkElmer · 19/08/2022 21:42

Argh I’m not sure I would’ve tricked them/ been unclear if I’m honest, it leaves you open to them slagging you off… I think I would’ve just done a basic tea and prompted them to leave. Or said “right, your turn to sort dinner tonight- what are we having?” so that they were clear on expectations.

It’s done though and you’ve obviously entertained a lot of people tonight 😁

LookItsMeAgain · 19/08/2022 21:42

Mangledrake · 19/08/2022 21:27

Wouldn't have wasted money on a steak Grin

I'm laughing at this too. I mean no one was holding a gun to them as they went around Tesco to get dinner in.

Delighted that you all found your gumption!

k1233 · 19/08/2022 21:42

Sometimes a few wines come to the rescue and give you the courage to say what you might otherwise not say. Good for you sticking to your guns.

AtleastitsnotMonday · 19/08/2022 21:42

This is actually my absolute favourite thread ever. OP you are a legend. Would you like to run for PM? You have my vote!

GlueyMooey · 19/08/2022 21:43

Lol OP, are you sure you aren't using a bit of creative license here. The updates are tooooooo crazy. 😂😂😂😂

Noshowlomo · 19/08/2022 21:44

I think they walked around Tesco saying “ooooo let’s chuck in all the good stuff, they are paying”

sucks to be them…

GlueyMooey · 19/08/2022 21:44

Lol OP, are you sure you aren't using a bit of creative license here. The updates are tooooooo crazy. 😂😂😂😂

VerifiedBot2351 · 19/08/2022 21:44

If they don’t creep off tomorrow morning really early then they must win an award for the most CFers ever!

supersop60 · 19/08/2022 21:44

JudgeRindersMinder · 19/08/2022 21:41

For me, one of the best parts of this has been that your dh has been totally on board with you!

This.^^
So often on MN, it's the DP or H that is the problem. Not here. Good work OP

SnoopyNoseTits · 19/08/2022 21:44

very well played OP and DP, I am very proud of you 😆

LastWordsOfALiar · 19/08/2022 21:45

The fact that they bought from the finest range, bought chips AND onion rings, cream, all the trimmings... Cheeky fuckers doing that on your purse. I bet she was laughing her way around Tesco, silly git.

Well done for being so brave! I don't think I'd have been able to stick with it. And also I'm so impressed with your family sticking up for you! My partner's a people pleaser and absolutely wouldn't have backed me like yours did (he would have just conceded I think).

Yay for you! And I'm glad she made the last bitchy comment. It shows how rude and a user she is. So it makes you feel better about standing your ground, I hope.

ThankYouVeryMuchGerry · 19/08/2022 21:45

Total legend of a thread. OP - I salute you!

EmergencyHepNeeded · 19/08/2022 21:45

You know that if you leave the butter and croissants downstairs that they will be gone before you get up!

startfresh · 19/08/2022 21:45

@Tamworthian

SUCCESS it's several threads long. (5, I think)

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4310804-To-lock-the-jackass-in-parking-thread?page=1

EmergencyHepNeeded · 19/08/2022 21:45

You know that if you leave the butter and croissants downstairs that they will be gone before you get up!

listsandbudgets · 19/08/2022 21:45

OMG OP the audactity of it... we have Ukrainian refugees staying with us. They fled a f*cking war zone, stayed in a refugee centre in Warsaw for weeks and came here with very little... but they still found time / resource / good manners to pick up some chocolate for us somewhere along the way. We certainly did not expect this in the circumstances.. if they can do you your CF guests can do it too. It sounds like you earnt every bit of that meal - good thing you stipulated steak or it would have been value beans on toast.

Enjoy the crisps and wine and croissants and go to have a bath in the morning and just shout good bye from the bathroom. I hope they actually go and don't come back

VerifiedBot2351 · 19/08/2022 21:46

GlueyMooey · 19/08/2022 21:44

Lol OP, are you sure you aren't using a bit of creative license here. The updates are tooooooo crazy. 😂😂😂😂

It’s the perfect CF thread isn’t it.

DahliaMacNamara · 19/08/2022 21:46

PatchworkElmer · 19/08/2022 21:42

Argh I’m not sure I would’ve tricked them/ been unclear if I’m honest, it leaves you open to them slagging you off… I think I would’ve just done a basic tea and prompted them to leave. Or said “right, your turn to sort dinner tonight- what are we having?” so that they were clear on expectations.

It’s done though and you’ve obviously entertained a lot of people tonight 😁

Tricked them into buying food for dinner, after they've been breezily freeloading all week and the bitching over one measly starter? Nah.

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