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CF have come to stay, how to handle it

1000 replies

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 14:42

Have name changed as this will be very outing.

DP asked if some relatives could come and stay for a few days. These are actually relatives of his ex wife, not blood relatives to him, but he knew them a good few years ago. We live in a holiday type area and have the room.

I didn't know much about them except they were late thirties/early forties, apparently lovely. And have had a hard couple of years as their 9yo dd has been quite ill, but is now in recovery and things are looking good.
So of course I said yes. Sounds like they have had a crap time and needed a bit of a break from it all. Said they were coming just the 2 of them, not bringing their dd.

They arrived 4 days ago. Haven't yet said when they are leaving.

The issue is they are incredibly entitled and I really really am beginning to not like them. They arrived with nothing - not a bottle of wine or a bunch of flowers. not that I expect anything but its etiquette surely to arrive with a gesture when you're staying in someones house for free. But that in itself wasn't an issue, just a little surprising.
They were all smiles and hugging DP, saying hi and basically ignored me for a good 10 minutes, just a little hello after that. No word of thanks for saying we could come or anything at this point either.
They haven't offered to buy any food. Me and DP are cooking for them. Haven't bought any drink, though they've been getting through ours very well.
Initially I thought maybe they are skint. Also on my mind was it must be awful having an ill child and they are perhaps still a bit stressed on this.

A few days in, it transpires that during the last 8 months they have been abroad on holiday twice (just them, not their dd), and a week away with their dd. So not short of holidays or 'breaks from it all'. Plus they are thinking of having their kitchen remodelled.
Still not massively friendly with me. But over the top with DP. Still no word of thanks for anything, not even after cooking a meal.
The wife also put baby wipes down the toilet when i'd specifcally said nothing in the toilet please as its a septic tank and anything other than normal toilet roll blocks it (only mentioend because we've learnt that every time after guests the thing blocks because they put sanitary towels, toilet wipes and god knows what down it, and it costs us to get it unblocked). Her reason was, she always uses babywipes on her face. Well ok, put them in the damn bin then.

Last night was almost my final straw. We went out to dinner. Their suggestion. I had a slightly more expensive starter than the rest of them (but wasn't drinking, so that should surely even out). By more expensive it was about £5 more.
When bill comes, DP said lets split down the middle (actually fully thinking they would say their treat for their stay so far) and they fussed about me having the more expensive starter but grudgingly agreed even though I hadn't had alcohol and both of them had.

I mean, seriously. £5 more, and we've fed them for 4 days, they've drank copious bottles of wine and beer while they've done sod all to help out - no offer to clear up or anything, or help fetch food or drink in. Literally nothing.

If they are so seriously short of money, then don't drive a 4 hour journey and invite yourself to someones house and freeload. Although a kitchen remodel isn't cheap.

I want them to leave. DP is also getting really pissed off with them. They clearly didn't need the break after their shit couple of years because they've been abroad more in last 8 months than we have in 4 years. Plus we are far from rich, we are literally scraping by most of the time. Feel like we've totally been taken advantage of.

I want to find out when they are leaving and I need to try and tell them in the nicest possible way to hurry up and bugger off.
So any ways I can word this, without looking like a total bitch?

OP posts:
Tiffbiff · 19/08/2022 20:56

repeatedly hits refresh waiting for an update 😂

AnnaGB · 19/08/2022 20:56

Ask them if they realise that both fish and guests go off (or smell) after 3 days.

Pansypotter123 · 19/08/2022 20:57

I wonder who's doing the washing up? 🤔

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 19/08/2022 20:57

How the reason for true delays response is because you're having seconds of the cheesecake.

EtnaVesuvius · 19/08/2022 20:58

FlissyPaps · 19/08/2022 18:38

Have you read any of OP’s posts?????

Yes I have! I agree they are monumentally rude. I would never ever speak to them or socialise with them again.

However, I don’t think just because someone is rude to you you should be rude back. Asking guests to go to the supermarket and pay for the food while they are staying with you IS a bit rude. You’re the host. As unpleasant as this is, you’ll just have to get rid of them asap and put the whole thing down to experience.

FWIW I would have served a very basic meal tonight without wine rather then ask them to buy it.

Tamworthian · 19/08/2022 20:58

startfresh · 19/08/2022 20:46

@Tamworthian I'm doing my best to try and find it. I think the guy was also a local celebrity or something and his partner drove him there to pick it up. But I could be mixing up two threads. I probably am.

Thanks!

theyoungishman · 19/08/2022 20:59

Thank goodness my flight is delayed! I might get an update before I depart.. Hurry up OP! 😂

Tamworthian · 19/08/2022 20:59

startfresh · 19/08/2022 20:46

@Tamworthian I'm doing my best to try and find it. I think the guy was also a local celebrity or something and his partner drove him there to pick it up. But I could be mixing up two threads. I probably am.

Thanks!

itsabouttimetoo · 19/08/2022 20:59

Shamelessly place marking also! Well done for making then get a shop

theyoungishman · 19/08/2022 20:59

Thank goodness my flight is delayed! I might get an update before I depart.. Hurry up OP! 😂

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 19/08/2022 21:01

AffIt · 19/08/2022 15:02

This.

Absolutely.

Youaremysunshine14 · 19/08/2022 21:01

Currently in bed with food poisoning and really need to sleep but can't stop refreshing the thread! Hope it doesn't fill up before OP comes back.

LimeTwists · 19/08/2022 21:02

In the kindest possible way, you both need to be assertive - grow some big grown up balls - and stop tiptoeing around in your own house. They don’t give a shit about either of you so why worry about upsetting them?! They are taking the piss because you are letting them. You haven’t even told them how long they can stay for free in YOUR home - you’ve let them decide, so far!

Tell them you hope they’ve enjoyed their stay but you now think the visit needs to come to an end. If they mention anything to do with you paying the receipt, you need to look like you are baffled and say something like “but it’s your turn to contribute towards things. We’ve paid for everything so far.” Then stay quiet and wait for them to think of how to explain away their cheeky fuckery thoughts of you being a free version of a Hilton.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 19/08/2022 21:02

TheWayoftheLeaf · 19/08/2022 20:22

'Im nipping to the shops for some more food and drink, would you mind throwing some money in the pot as you haven't contributed so far?'

If they say no or give you £10 ask them to leave as they're costing you too much.

Ignore this. Once again I didn't read the thread. Well done Op.

Snazzysausage · 19/08/2022 21:02

I must admit I was surprised they didn't arrive back with a super saver lasagne and a couple of bottles of Shloer. I suspect if they weren't fully expecting to be reimbursed for the shopping that's what they would have bought.

Sapphirensteel · 19/08/2022 21:04

£103 is cheap for several night fully inclusive accommodation !!!!

What time are you planning to leave in the morning? We usually have breakfast at x o’clock at the weekend.

I know you don’t want to suffocate a dc who has been really ill, but can’t imagine leaving her and going away twice.

Daisy4569 · 19/08/2022 21:05

Pm

FinallyHere · 19/08/2022 21:08

Wot @Delphigirl said

You might prefer DH to tell them, I wouldn't wait, I'd tell them myself.

And when they say 'what's for supper' I'd explain give them a list of local restaurants and the number of a taxi go if they don't have their own transport.

My parents lived abroad, my mother loved having visitors. I suspect she was sometimes lonely and welcomed the company. She had some lovely people to stay and .... some real shockers. Your visitors are definitely among the finest shockers.

Keep calm and tell 'em.

Well done on finding your backbone but, please, do have the conversation about how you need them gone by noon tomorrow. Don't let them think they have bought themselves another week of freeloading at your expense.

Sproutingpotatoes · 19/08/2022 21:09

You're doing good OP! Stick with it and keep ignoring that receipt. 😊

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 21:09

Sorry for the late update. Alot has happened.

I've also had wine. A fair bit, so please bear with me.

So dinner was cooked. I accidently overcooked both their steaks and as a rare steak lover myself I understand how frustrating that is. But as I was cooking and not them, it happens.

Receipt wasn't mentioned whilst we ate, but I did make appropriate yummy noises at their choice and thanked them for getting the food and emphasised how busy work had been this week.

Then, during dessert, I got some boldness from god knows where and asked them if they had had a nice stay WITH US and what time they were thinking of leaving tomorrow.

Cue silence. Total silence.

The DC both looked at me like, what just happened?

So to break the silence I added that traffic usually got particularly bad heading into town around lunchtime, but I hoped the weather was not going to be quite so hot for their long journey back. AND THEN
I said: And thank you for this lovely steak dinner, it was such a great meal for our last night together, I've enjoyed meeting you both. I almost added and you'll have to come again, because, well habit, but I managed not to say that.

DP then came to my rescue with, oh my gosh, yes thanks, that was very kind of you, more wine Mr CF?

And then the DC right on cue said, oh thanks for the dinner, love steak, mum NEVER gets steak!

OP posts:
Sproutingpotatoes · 19/08/2022 21:10

You're doing good OP! Stick with it and keep ignoring that receipt. 😊

Anystarinthesky · 19/08/2022 21:11

Well done you! Great update!

piefacedClique · 19/08/2022 21:12

Creased! Legend! 👏👏👏

Strangerthings4NW · 19/08/2022 21:12

Oh gosh op… well done!! That was ballsy. I can’t wait for the next instalment

Lbnc2021 · 19/08/2022 21:12

And how did they react??? 😂

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