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CF have come to stay, how to handle it

1000 replies

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 14:42

Have name changed as this will be very outing.

DP asked if some relatives could come and stay for a few days. These are actually relatives of his ex wife, not blood relatives to him, but he knew them a good few years ago. We live in a holiday type area and have the room.

I didn't know much about them except they were late thirties/early forties, apparently lovely. And have had a hard couple of years as their 9yo dd has been quite ill, but is now in recovery and things are looking good.
So of course I said yes. Sounds like they have had a crap time and needed a bit of a break from it all. Said they were coming just the 2 of them, not bringing their dd.

They arrived 4 days ago. Haven't yet said when they are leaving.

The issue is they are incredibly entitled and I really really am beginning to not like them. They arrived with nothing - not a bottle of wine or a bunch of flowers. not that I expect anything but its etiquette surely to arrive with a gesture when you're staying in someones house for free. But that in itself wasn't an issue, just a little surprising.
They were all smiles and hugging DP, saying hi and basically ignored me for a good 10 minutes, just a little hello after that. No word of thanks for saying we could come or anything at this point either.
They haven't offered to buy any food. Me and DP are cooking for them. Haven't bought any drink, though they've been getting through ours very well.
Initially I thought maybe they are skint. Also on my mind was it must be awful having an ill child and they are perhaps still a bit stressed on this.

A few days in, it transpires that during the last 8 months they have been abroad on holiday twice (just them, not their dd), and a week away with their dd. So not short of holidays or 'breaks from it all'. Plus they are thinking of having their kitchen remodelled.
Still not massively friendly with me. But over the top with DP. Still no word of thanks for anything, not even after cooking a meal.
The wife also put baby wipes down the toilet when i'd specifcally said nothing in the toilet please as its a septic tank and anything other than normal toilet roll blocks it (only mentioend because we've learnt that every time after guests the thing blocks because they put sanitary towels, toilet wipes and god knows what down it, and it costs us to get it unblocked). Her reason was, she always uses babywipes on her face. Well ok, put them in the damn bin then.

Last night was almost my final straw. We went out to dinner. Their suggestion. I had a slightly more expensive starter than the rest of them (but wasn't drinking, so that should surely even out). By more expensive it was about £5 more.
When bill comes, DP said lets split down the middle (actually fully thinking they would say their treat for their stay so far) and they fussed about me having the more expensive starter but grudgingly agreed even though I hadn't had alcohol and both of them had.

I mean, seriously. £5 more, and we've fed them for 4 days, they've drank copious bottles of wine and beer while they've done sod all to help out - no offer to clear up or anything, or help fetch food or drink in. Literally nothing.

If they are so seriously short of money, then don't drive a 4 hour journey and invite yourself to someones house and freeload. Although a kitchen remodel isn't cheap.

I want them to leave. DP is also getting really pissed off with them. They clearly didn't need the break after their shit couple of years because they've been abroad more in last 8 months than we have in 4 years. Plus we are far from rich, we are literally scraping by most of the time. Feel like we've totally been taken advantage of.

I want to find out when they are leaving and I need to try and tell them in the nicest possible way to hurry up and bugger off.
So any ways I can word this, without looking like a total bitch?

OP posts:
Christonabike37 · 19/08/2022 19:20

As you're making dinner and tidying as you go bin the receipt!

piefacedClique · 19/08/2022 19:21

Ply them with booze so they have hangovers tomorrow and then you can remind them tomorrow that they said whilst drunk they were leaving at lunch…. So you’ve made plans for tomorrow night!

ifIwerenotanandroid · 19/08/2022 19:22

piefacedClique · 19/08/2022 19:21

Ply them with booze so they have hangovers tomorrow and then you can remind them tomorrow that they said whilst drunk they were leaving at lunch…. So you’ve made plans for tomorrow night!

Be careful not to give them any reason to delay their departure, though.

thecrispfiend · 19/08/2022 19:22

Oh my God the cheek of them! Definitely bin that receipt and tell them they need to leave tomorrow! I am placing a bet now that they will take any leftover alcohol with them...

WhereYouLeftIt · 19/08/2022 19:23

ivykaty44 · 19/08/2022 18:53

or eat the steaks at dinner and tell the children/teens to think mr and mrs cf for the steaks as they brought them in way of a tank you for staying for a few nights - isn't that nice.....

Perfect! 😂

adobeadobe · 19/08/2022 19:24

Also, if they are pissed off by your not paying for the dinner/getting them to leave be wary that she doesn't do something passive-aggressive like purposely block your loo with wipes! Wouldn't put anything past such people!

BronwenFrideswide · 19/08/2022 19:24

Sorry to hear you have been so badly treated, @SeriouslyLosingTheWill but you are now doing a grand job, stick to your guns, looking forward to your update.

Although, if friends/sort of relatives of my dh had treated me so badly in my own home he would have thrown them out not long after their arrival irrespective.

NoSquirrels · 19/08/2022 19:24

I think the receipt business is your DP’s to solve (NOT by paying up!)

He can proactively thank them effusively for the steaks etc. - how generous, marvellous! If they then say , hang on, we thought you’d reimburse us, SeriouslyLosing asked us to buy it all, we assumed it was your shopping bill, then he should play dumb and say Oh, I assumed you were treating us tonight to say thanks for feeding you the rest of the week.

Surely they wouldn’t be rude enough to push further then. If

piefacedClique · 19/08/2022 19:25

Forgot about that @ifIwerenotanandroid 😫

what about popping some optrex in their food tonight and some in their coffee tomorrow mornjng which will give them the shits! No one wants that in someone else’s home! They will miraculously recover….. but only once they are half way home!

ifIwerenotanandroid · 19/08/2022 19:26

IrisVersicolor · 19/08/2022 19:19

I think you need to prepare your reply to their request for contribution to the Tesco shop.

Gosh I thought you’d finally come up with a polite gift for hosting you for 5 days.

While a genius reply which would make normal people cringe, with CFs this leaves open the door for them to say, "No," & still want the money. Maybe OP & her DP could brazen it out & reply to the request with, "We'll just take that meal as your polite gift for hosting you for 5 days, since you didn't get us anything else."

Arewerelated · 19/08/2022 19:27

Here's me thinking the only way to make guests leave your home was by slapping your knees and announcing (to no one in particular)

"WELL THEN" 😁😁😁

IrisVersicolor · 19/08/2022 19:27

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

Edinvillian · 19/08/2022 19:27

Lmf685 · 19/08/2022 19:02

OP your doing great ! Just keep drinking the wine and smiling lol.

yes, very casually over dinner ‘thank you so much for this lovely meal, such a nice gesture of you and a lovely way to end the week before you leave’

.. and please close the door on the way out.

This! This is what I would do.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 19/08/2022 19:27

Yeah I'm with PP's, that booze will be in their car boot when they leave when they find out you are not picking up that bill!

Edinvillian · 19/08/2022 19:28

Lmf685 · 19/08/2022 19:02

OP your doing great ! Just keep drinking the wine and smiling lol.

yes, very casually over dinner ‘thank you so much for this lovely meal, such a nice gesture of you and a lovely way to end the week before you leave’

.. and please close the door on the way out.

This! This is what I would do.

Teateaandmoretea · 19/08/2022 19:29

i’d just say. Yes, sure. I spent £xxx pounds in Waitrose just before you came so you owe us £xx.

EmergencyHepNeeded · 19/08/2022 19:30

If you throw out the receipt I reckon that figure will be rounded up to £120.

butterpuffed · 19/08/2022 19:31

Say 'Thanks for the meal, it was lovely. I threw the receipt away , gosh you bought us some bargains , not a bad price at all'

Edinvillian · 19/08/2022 19:31

Sorry for the duplicate post 🤦🏻‍♀️

Teateaandmoretea · 19/08/2022 19:31

Or possibly ‘yes of course, let’s also split the £256 Waitrose bill from Saturday’

MojoJojo71 · 19/08/2022 19:31

If they ask for the money just tell them that considering it’s the first time they’ve put their hands on their pockets since they got there you consider £103 quite a bargain for the ‘all inclusive’ stay at chez Seriously they’ve been enjoying. Cheeky fuckers indeed!

NoSquirrels · 19/08/2022 19:31

If there’s any pushback at all about the receipt, once you say you assumed it was their treat, then you or DP must say something like ‘Gosh, you must think we’re made of money if you think we can easily afford to feed another 2 adults and foot the booze bill for the best part of a week! Didn’t you know there’s a cost of living crisis?’ Tinkly laugh etc. And remind them they invited themselves…

YesitsBess · 19/08/2022 19:32

I’ve been blazing through this thread in order to get up to speed but to the person who came up with ‘that’s good value, you must be pleased’ I salute you!

genius.

WiddlinDiddlin · 19/08/2022 19:33

Yep surely opening crisps just as someone else is finishing cooking their dinner for them is bloody rude!

Pemba · 19/08/2022 19:33

Yes I wouldn't bin that receipt but just quietly put it away in a drawer or something. In case the situation develops into a grand tallying up of what each side have spent.

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