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CF have come to stay, how to handle it

1000 replies

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 14:42

Have name changed as this will be very outing.

DP asked if some relatives could come and stay for a few days. These are actually relatives of his ex wife, not blood relatives to him, but he knew them a good few years ago. We live in a holiday type area and have the room.

I didn't know much about them except they were late thirties/early forties, apparently lovely. And have had a hard couple of years as their 9yo dd has been quite ill, but is now in recovery and things are looking good.
So of course I said yes. Sounds like they have had a crap time and needed a bit of a break from it all. Said they were coming just the 2 of them, not bringing their dd.

They arrived 4 days ago. Haven't yet said when they are leaving.

The issue is they are incredibly entitled and I really really am beginning to not like them. They arrived with nothing - not a bottle of wine or a bunch of flowers. not that I expect anything but its etiquette surely to arrive with a gesture when you're staying in someones house for free. But that in itself wasn't an issue, just a little surprising.
They were all smiles and hugging DP, saying hi and basically ignored me for a good 10 minutes, just a little hello after that. No word of thanks for saying we could come or anything at this point either.
They haven't offered to buy any food. Me and DP are cooking for them. Haven't bought any drink, though they've been getting through ours very well.
Initially I thought maybe they are skint. Also on my mind was it must be awful having an ill child and they are perhaps still a bit stressed on this.

A few days in, it transpires that during the last 8 months they have been abroad on holiday twice (just them, not their dd), and a week away with their dd. So not short of holidays or 'breaks from it all'. Plus they are thinking of having their kitchen remodelled.
Still not massively friendly with me. But over the top with DP. Still no word of thanks for anything, not even after cooking a meal.
The wife also put baby wipes down the toilet when i'd specifcally said nothing in the toilet please as its a septic tank and anything other than normal toilet roll blocks it (only mentioend because we've learnt that every time after guests the thing blocks because they put sanitary towels, toilet wipes and god knows what down it, and it costs us to get it unblocked). Her reason was, she always uses babywipes on her face. Well ok, put them in the damn bin then.

Last night was almost my final straw. We went out to dinner. Their suggestion. I had a slightly more expensive starter than the rest of them (but wasn't drinking, so that should surely even out). By more expensive it was about £5 more.
When bill comes, DP said lets split down the middle (actually fully thinking they would say their treat for their stay so far) and they fussed about me having the more expensive starter but grudgingly agreed even though I hadn't had alcohol and both of them had.

I mean, seriously. £5 more, and we've fed them for 4 days, they've drank copious bottles of wine and beer while they've done sod all to help out - no offer to clear up or anything, or help fetch food or drink in. Literally nothing.

If they are so seriously short of money, then don't drive a 4 hour journey and invite yourself to someones house and freeload. Although a kitchen remodel isn't cheap.

I want them to leave. DP is also getting really pissed off with them. They clearly didn't need the break after their shit couple of years because they've been abroad more in last 8 months than we have in 4 years. Plus we are far from rich, we are literally scraping by most of the time. Feel like we've totally been taken advantage of.

I want to find out when they are leaving and I need to try and tell them in the nicest possible way to hurry up and bugger off.
So any ways I can word this, without looking like a total bitch?

OP posts:
Fuckitydoodah · 19/08/2022 19:02

Well, this is the best thread there's been in a while. I'm looking forward to the update!

MsFogi · 19/08/2022 19:02

Ithinkwemightgetaholiday · 19/08/2022 18:46

But she owes these people nothing. And sometimes life is confrontational and you have to take a stand!
She doesn't care if she ever sees them again so why wouldn't you lay it out exactly how it is.

The CFs weren't shy about being confrontational about a fiver for the starter so I don't think this suggestions is going too far.

Lmf685 · 19/08/2022 19:02

OP your doing great ! Just keep drinking the wine and smiling lol.

yes, very casually over dinner ‘thank you so much for this lovely meal, such a nice gesture of you and a lovely way to end the week before you leave’

.. and please close the door on the way out.

billy1966 · 19/08/2022 19:03

ivykaty44 · 19/08/2022 18:53

or eat the steaks at dinner and tell the children/teens to think mr and mrs cf for the steaks as they brought them in way of a tank you for staying for a few nights - isn't that nice.....

Get in before them with this.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 19/08/2022 19:03

well done so far, OP. You've got this. Do bin that receipt during dinner prep. Nobody wants things lying around while they are cooking.

I like the idea of DP handling the 'you must be looking forward to seeing DD tomorrow? What time did you say you were leaving? conversation.

IF they do raise the money for the shopping, please do just look aghast and say something along the lines of "oh, isn't this your thank you for having us dinner?' and silence. Let them talk around that.

Cheeky cheeky cheeky. Remember - people like that don't expect to be called out, and you should not need to, but if necessary don't give in!

Noshowlomo · 19/08/2022 19:03

What @ChateauMargaux said

Mushroomlady · 19/08/2022 19:04

PollyPeePants · 19/08/2022 18:48

If they ask for the money you could just act surprised and say something like 'oh I thought you were treating us to say thanks for having you?' Then silence and let them fill it

This, definitely.

Cervinia · 19/08/2022 19:04

And if they ask for bloody payment I would say "well we charge £50 for the room per night including breakfast and £10 per person for each dinner, would you like me to knock it off the bill or pay you separately?"

uncomfortablydumb53 · 19/08/2022 19:05

The absolute nerve of them is just jaw dropping isn't it?
Glad you've opened the wine and put receipt in the bin
Cheeky fuckers.. if they even hint about you paying them back.,. There's your cue to tell them and their club card points to Fuck off
Don't even worry about appearing rude... They haven't

Stigsmother · 19/08/2022 19:07

So you sit down for dinner, and raise a toast "thanks for the lovely food cfs, we have to be out of the house by 10am tomorrow, do you need us to wake you up so you have time to pack? Been lovely having you"
And then never let them cross the threshold again 😁

thecrispfiend · 19/08/2022 19:07

Oh my God the cheek of them! Definitely bin that receipt and tell them they need to leave tomorrow! I am placing a bet now that they will take any leftover alcohol with them...

cptartapp · 19/08/2022 19:07

This is my Friday evening sorted...

Dingledanglegoosberries · 19/08/2022 19:08

Just throw the receipt in the bin. If they ask where it's gone, just tell them you regularly tidy the kitchen (as they will know as you have done so many times since they have been there)

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 19:09

I sneaked a look at the receipt. It was £103 odd. Definitely not paying that for 1 meal and for alcohol they've already drank throughout the week.

Chips and onion rings almost done, salad made. Putting steaks on now.
Wish me luck.

OP posts:
Beelezebub · 19/08/2022 19:09

The receipt is definitely code for ‘you owe us money’.

Agree with everyone else that over dinner is the time for one of you to do the “lovely food, very nice gesture from you to say thanks for having you, and especially restocking the drinks! Thanks ever so much. What time are you leaving tomorrow?”

I’d suggest your DP does that bit seeing as they’re - VERY loosely - his ‘family’.

ivykaty44 · 19/08/2022 19:10

if they dare to ask for money

just remember that good ole mums net saying

No is a complete sentence

you've eaten our food all week and now we've eaten yours

IncompleteSenten · 19/08/2022 19:10

While you are eating, your partner should say this food is great. What a nice way to thank us for hosting you.

It would take the mother of all piss takers to say anything to that!

Denny53 · 19/08/2022 19:11

PollyPeePants · 19/08/2022 18:48

If they ask for the money you could just act surprised and say something like 'oh I thought you were treating us to say thanks for having you?' Then silence and let them fill it

Absolutely this!

HeadacheEarthquake · 19/08/2022 19:11

Good for you OP!!! Give yourself the biggest juiciest steak

Strokethefurrywall · 19/08/2022 19:11

I'm so overly invested in this thread! Marvelous example of pure fire cheeky fuckery.

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 19:11

They just opened the crisps! Dinner is imminent.
I thought they were bought for later in the night snacks

OP posts:
Salome61 · 19/08/2022 19:12

So sorry, just CF's and I doubt you'd be treated with the same generous hospitality if you went to stay with them.

As for putting wipes down the loo, give her a pair of gloves and a trowel and show her the septic tank drain, let her unblock it!

SharpLily · 19/08/2022 19:12

What time do you eat, OP? I'm looking forward to hearing how this evening is going 😂.

Poppyblush · 19/08/2022 19:12

Make sure you either drink all the wine and beer or hide some bottles as they may take them when they go

TwoMonthsOff · 19/08/2022 19:12

@SeriouslyLosingTheWill
have I missed a post or did you say they haven’t actually been out very much except the Tesco visit ? So basically they have been ‘dossing’ on your dime and not even visiting any local beauty spots or going out for lunch ?
And as PP said you also will have all their laundry and DNA to clear up when they have gone

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