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CF have come to stay, how to handle it

1000 replies

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 14:42

Have name changed as this will be very outing.

DP asked if some relatives could come and stay for a few days. These are actually relatives of his ex wife, not blood relatives to him, but he knew them a good few years ago. We live in a holiday type area and have the room.

I didn't know much about them except they were late thirties/early forties, apparently lovely. And have had a hard couple of years as their 9yo dd has been quite ill, but is now in recovery and things are looking good.
So of course I said yes. Sounds like they have had a crap time and needed a bit of a break from it all. Said they were coming just the 2 of them, not bringing their dd.

They arrived 4 days ago. Haven't yet said when they are leaving.

The issue is they are incredibly entitled and I really really am beginning to not like them. They arrived with nothing - not a bottle of wine or a bunch of flowers. not that I expect anything but its etiquette surely to arrive with a gesture when you're staying in someones house for free. But that in itself wasn't an issue, just a little surprising.
They were all smiles and hugging DP, saying hi and basically ignored me for a good 10 minutes, just a little hello after that. No word of thanks for saying we could come or anything at this point either.
They haven't offered to buy any food. Me and DP are cooking for them. Haven't bought any drink, though they've been getting through ours very well.
Initially I thought maybe they are skint. Also on my mind was it must be awful having an ill child and they are perhaps still a bit stressed on this.

A few days in, it transpires that during the last 8 months they have been abroad on holiday twice (just them, not their dd), and a week away with their dd. So not short of holidays or 'breaks from it all'. Plus they are thinking of having their kitchen remodelled.
Still not massively friendly with me. But over the top with DP. Still no word of thanks for anything, not even after cooking a meal.
The wife also put baby wipes down the toilet when i'd specifcally said nothing in the toilet please as its a septic tank and anything other than normal toilet roll blocks it (only mentioend because we've learnt that every time after guests the thing blocks because they put sanitary towels, toilet wipes and god knows what down it, and it costs us to get it unblocked). Her reason was, she always uses babywipes on her face. Well ok, put them in the damn bin then.

Last night was almost my final straw. We went out to dinner. Their suggestion. I had a slightly more expensive starter than the rest of them (but wasn't drinking, so that should surely even out). By more expensive it was about £5 more.
When bill comes, DP said lets split down the middle (actually fully thinking they would say their treat for their stay so far) and they fussed about me having the more expensive starter but grudgingly agreed even though I hadn't had alcohol and both of them had.

I mean, seriously. £5 more, and we've fed them for 4 days, they've drank copious bottles of wine and beer while they've done sod all to help out - no offer to clear up or anything, or help fetch food or drink in. Literally nothing.

If they are so seriously short of money, then don't drive a 4 hour journey and invite yourself to someones house and freeload. Although a kitchen remodel isn't cheap.

I want them to leave. DP is also getting really pissed off with them. They clearly didn't need the break after their shit couple of years because they've been abroad more in last 8 months than we have in 4 years. Plus we are far from rich, we are literally scraping by most of the time. Feel like we've totally been taken advantage of.

I want to find out when they are leaving and I need to try and tell them in the nicest possible way to hurry up and bugger off.
So any ways I can word this, without looking like a total bitch?

OP posts:
PollyPeePants · 19/08/2022 18:48

If they ask for the money you could just act surprised and say something like 'oh I thought you were treating us to say thanks for having you?' Then silence and let them fill it

isthismylifenow · 19/08/2022 18:48

forrestgreen · 19/08/2022 18:30

Spray the receipt with kitchen cleaner. Usually makes them unreadable

😂

Or if they ask, did you see the receipt go with oh I think I put it in the bin whilst cleaning up..... Again

ivykaty44 · 19/08/2022 18:48

if they say anything about the receipt and paying...

you are joking - that'll be nearly quits what you've brought tonight and we wouldn't dream of charging you for any extras thats you've eaten of ours for breakfast and lunches - so don't be silly and put your money away!

be ready both of you for your retort/reply on this one

JocelynBurnell · 19/08/2022 18:49

If they actually ask for the money, you should also have a bill to hand:

6 nights B&B ~£600
10 dinners plus drinks ~£200
Snacks, lunch, misc ~£200
Bill = £1,000

Purplecatshopaholic · 19/08/2022 18:50

They defo want to be reimbursed. DO NOT PAY THIS. Act surprised like PollyPeePants says, and just stay silent after that. Total CFs, I am angry on your behalf op.

Wickedgreengirl · 19/08/2022 18:50

What a pair of ungrateful cheeky sods!

amicissimma · 19/08/2022 18:51

Receipt in bin.

If they ask just laugh and say 'Surely you would buy us one meal after 4 days of our hospitality?'

Closerto40 · 19/08/2022 18:51

I'm invested 🤣

Puzzledandpissedoff · 19/08/2022 18:52

If they ask for the money you could just act surprised and say something like 'oh I thought you were treating us to say thanks for having you?' Then silence and let them fill it

Perfect

AhNowTed · 19/08/2022 18:52

Brilliant thread 😀

As for those saying "this can't be real".. oh yes it can!! Been there and done that.

These cheeky selfish using miserly fuckers are everywhere.

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 18:52

I'll have to leave the computer on and pop back upstairs to update you as my phone is doing its usual spinny thing. Plus I always think its rude to go on your phone when chatting with other people, so just feels wrong for me. I'll nip back and update when I can.

Have been down and opened the wine. poured myself a glass and offered a glass to others, like you do. Told everyone I'll start dinner shortly and asked CFs how do they like their steaks cooked. It is 100% presumed me or DP are cooking.

Receipt is still there unmentioned and DP has whispered to me out of the side of his mouth, literally like in a spy movie 'they've left the receipt on the side'.
I just whispered back 'I know'.

They are all sat outside including teen dcs who are oblivious so far to everything as they've been flitting in and out the last few days anyway.

The alcohol they bought doesn't actually replace what they drank so far, at least wine wise. The beer might just about replenish what they've had.

I'll have another wine shortly to pluck up the courage to ask what time they are leaving tomorrow. After dessert might be a good time.

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 19/08/2022 18:53

or eat the steaks at dinner and tell the children/teens to think mr and mrs cf for the steaks as they brought them in way of a tank you for staying for a few nights - isn't that nice.....

bringbackveronicamars · 19/08/2022 18:53

Oh, they want paying, CFers.

Free food and accommodation for days on end. Unbelievable.

I'd thank them for hosting their farewell dinner. What a lovely thank you for you putting them up and feeding them all week.

WulyJmpr · 19/08/2022 18:53

🍿😋

Noshowlomo · 19/08/2022 18:55

Oh my god.
I hate having people over and now I know why!!! Although when we have friends over we get lots of food in but that’s because the same friends feed us like we’re kings when we go to theirs! It works both ways. OP, you will never get a return invite to their homes so balls to them. Enjoy the feast!!
(also I have to say I credit MN with helping me be more assertive over the past few years. LOADS of assertive women on here who clearly won’t put up with any shit! Every little helps ….😉)

AhNowTed · 19/08/2022 18:55

Bin the receipt.

It's either a brag, or a hint.

Acknowledge neither.

bert3400 · 19/08/2022 18:55

Well done OP for getting them to buy some shopping. We had CF stay last year, very similar to yours . The one time we were invited out for a meal, then ended up getting very drunk in the afternoon of said meal out and passed out in thier bedroom. All we got from them was a massive pile of dirty washing, towels and bedding and a quick thanks when they left after a whole week of taking the piss. Not a box of chocs, bottle of wine or anything, absolutely Nada .

imaginationhasfailedme · 19/08/2022 18:56

Thanks for the update OP.

Please, please remember, however nervous or uncomfortable it'll feel for you (I'm actually nervous waiting to see how this is going to go), that you a) have pretty much everyone here validating that their behaviour is not ok and b) it's your house. They are guests in your house and you (and DP) are in charge here.

Sunbird24 · 19/08/2022 18:56

I’d probably get DH to start the leaving conversation, as you did the shopping one. United front and all that.

Sunbird24 · 19/08/2022 18:57

Sorry, DP!

Daleksatemyshed · 19/08/2022 18:59

And make your DH thank them for the lovely dinner, it will make it so much harder for them to ask for the money back. Next time he mentions house guests coming to stay give him the Paddington bear stare until he gets uncomfortable and goes away 😂

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 19/08/2022 19:01

My parents moved to a holiday type place when they retired and many of their friends made regular trips up to visit them until they all got too decrepit. Most of those friends did what you would expect - took my parents out for a meal, bought them wine, flowers, chocolates, paid for coffee when they went out, etc etc. One of their closest friends conspicuously failed to do any of that. She paid for her travel to get there, and her own meals/coffees etc if they went out, and that seemed to be all she expected to pay for her week-long trip. My parents were agog but mostly amused. They could afford to be hospitable but it really was CF stuff. They didn't stay with her on their very occasional visits back to their old city so it wasn't even as if there was a reciprocal element.

Tiredmum100 · 19/08/2022 19:01

I really fancy steak now...

ChateauMargaux · 19/08/2022 19:01

Forget my last post.

Can you dig out receipts for the food you bought before they arrived and leave it beside their receipt?

If they do ask.. maybe say.. we have paid for your food for 4 days already.. did you think we should pay for everything for your stay here while we work and do everything for you... leave a long gap before carrying on..

That's not what we would do if we came to see you... so not what we were expecting. Perhaps you should have been more clear when you invited yourself to stay and we could have responded accordingly.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 19/08/2022 19:02

At the very least, OP, you need to say, ‘High time you went and bought some booze!’

Not to mention, ‘Your turn to cook, I think!’

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