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CF have come to stay, how to handle it

1000 replies

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 14:42

Have name changed as this will be very outing.

DP asked if some relatives could come and stay for a few days. These are actually relatives of his ex wife, not blood relatives to him, but he knew them a good few years ago. We live in a holiday type area and have the room.

I didn't know much about them except they were late thirties/early forties, apparently lovely. And have had a hard couple of years as their 9yo dd has been quite ill, but is now in recovery and things are looking good.
So of course I said yes. Sounds like they have had a crap time and needed a bit of a break from it all. Said they were coming just the 2 of them, not bringing their dd.

They arrived 4 days ago. Haven't yet said when they are leaving.

The issue is they are incredibly entitled and I really really am beginning to not like them. They arrived with nothing - not a bottle of wine or a bunch of flowers. not that I expect anything but its etiquette surely to arrive with a gesture when you're staying in someones house for free. But that in itself wasn't an issue, just a little surprising.
They were all smiles and hugging DP, saying hi and basically ignored me for a good 10 minutes, just a little hello after that. No word of thanks for saying we could come or anything at this point either.
They haven't offered to buy any food. Me and DP are cooking for them. Haven't bought any drink, though they've been getting through ours very well.
Initially I thought maybe they are skint. Also on my mind was it must be awful having an ill child and they are perhaps still a bit stressed on this.

A few days in, it transpires that during the last 8 months they have been abroad on holiday twice (just them, not their dd), and a week away with their dd. So not short of holidays or 'breaks from it all'. Plus they are thinking of having their kitchen remodelled.
Still not massively friendly with me. But over the top with DP. Still no word of thanks for anything, not even after cooking a meal.
The wife also put baby wipes down the toilet when i'd specifcally said nothing in the toilet please as its a septic tank and anything other than normal toilet roll blocks it (only mentioend because we've learnt that every time after guests the thing blocks because they put sanitary towels, toilet wipes and god knows what down it, and it costs us to get it unblocked). Her reason was, she always uses babywipes on her face. Well ok, put them in the damn bin then.

Last night was almost my final straw. We went out to dinner. Their suggestion. I had a slightly more expensive starter than the rest of them (but wasn't drinking, so that should surely even out). By more expensive it was about £5 more.
When bill comes, DP said lets split down the middle (actually fully thinking they would say their treat for their stay so far) and they fussed about me having the more expensive starter but grudgingly agreed even though I hadn't had alcohol and both of them had.

I mean, seriously. £5 more, and we've fed them for 4 days, they've drank copious bottles of wine and beer while they've done sod all to help out - no offer to clear up or anything, or help fetch food or drink in. Literally nothing.

If they are so seriously short of money, then don't drive a 4 hour journey and invite yourself to someones house and freeload. Although a kitchen remodel isn't cheap.

I want them to leave. DP is also getting really pissed off with them. They clearly didn't need the break after their shit couple of years because they've been abroad more in last 8 months than we have in 4 years. Plus we are far from rich, we are literally scraping by most of the time. Feel like we've totally been taken advantage of.

I want to find out when they are leaving and I need to try and tell them in the nicest possible way to hurry up and bugger off.
So any ways I can word this, without looking like a total bitch?

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 19/08/2022 18:38

Enjoy dinner! Fingers crossed you’re able to raise the issue about them needing to leave too.

FlissyPaps · 19/08/2022 18:38

EtnaVesuvius · 19/08/2022 18:34

Also, you can’t ask guests to go to the supermarket and buy food! That’s just rude.

Have you read any of OP’s posts?????

midgetastic · 19/08/2022 18:39

You missed not buying the meal out

GYNisaliarWTF · 19/08/2022 18:39

I can’t add any more than what PP have already said but I just wanted to say, go OP, I’m rooting for you burying the CF’s in your back garden at this point

MzHz · 19/08/2022 18:39

If they actually ask for the money the only reply is

“so you’ve invited yourselves to stay, arrived empty handed, not lifted a finger, not thanked me for putting you up, not even made me a cup of my own tea, and you think I owe you for any of this? Wow! That’s some incredible entitlement there”

LucyAutumn · 19/08/2022 18:40

Oh well done OP, good result on the shopping and ignoring the receipt. Good luck with the leaving conversation over dinner!!!

OzziePopPop · 19/08/2022 18:40

I wonder how many mumsnetters are hitting refresh over and over again on this post?

I know I am 😂

come on op, some of us still need to eat our steaks here! Wonder if supermarkets have had a recent surge in butchery sales since this thread started…

3luckystars · 19/08/2022 18:41

ignore the receipt or hide it, if they bring it up say ‘why would I want to see your receipt? Did you want to see mine for the last few days?’

TwoMonthsOff · 19/08/2022 18:41

@Eddielizzard
AND got the club card points brucie bonus

Morred · 19/08/2022 18:41

Have you got any receipts from your shopping for the last few days? Line them up next to theirs on the counter and see what they do.

lisavanderpumpscloset · 19/08/2022 18:41

I'd be making sure that receipt 'blew away with the wind' pretty sharpish but their shop sounds fab! Good luck with getting them to leave and let us know what happens next Grin

Morred · 19/08/2022 18:41

Have you got any receipts from your shopping for the last few days? Line them up next to theirs on the counter and see what they do.

HowzAboutIt · 19/08/2022 18:41

@EtnaVesuvius you may as well have said #bekind 🙄 let the little woman run around after her uninvited guests and be thankful they deign to speak to her.

Woman -know your place!!

Poppyblush · 19/08/2022 18:42

DO NOT PAY FOR THE FOOD!

sweep the receipt with the rubbish into the bin

billy1966 · 19/08/2022 18:43

MzHz · 19/08/2022 18:39

If they actually ask for the money the only reply is

“so you’ve invited yourselves to stay, arrived empty handed, not lifted a finger, not thanked me for putting you up, not even made me a cup of my own tea, and you think I owe you for any of this? Wow! That’s some incredible entitlement there”

That about covers it🙄.

Remember these people are NOTHING to you.

LivingByTheSeaSoon · 19/08/2022 18:43

'Oh what a LOVELY meal for your last night here, thankyou for buying everything clinks glasses. Might be an idea to leave a little early in the morning as I don't know how the traffic will be affected due to the train strikes -7-30 ok with you?'

MatildaTheCat · 19/08/2022 18:43

When you are eating just say how lovely to have this nice supper and how kind of them and actually it’s really lucky because unfortunately while they were out you had a call saying that Uncle John/ Old Mother Hubbard is arriving tomorrow so sadly this must be their last night. Or that the septic tank man is coming to flush out the damage and the stench is so unbelievably bad that everyone has to vacate by 9am at the latest.

Then delete and block. Who cares if they are upset? Completely ignore requests for money and drink all the alcohol or hide it. End of.

Please update though.

Ithinkwemightgetaholiday · 19/08/2022 18:44

Absolutely bin that receipt.
This is just the thread I needed after 48hrs dealing with A level results . Loving how you're dealing with it now and can't wait for an update...while I drink and wait for Deliveroo...

strawberriesarenot · 19/08/2022 18:44

Well done, bin the receipt after saying 'so kind, we'll have to think of a treat as nice the week that we come and stay with you.'
Perhaps if you are on a roll now, you could get Russia out of Ukraine.

GlueyMooey · 19/08/2022 18:44

MzHz · 19/08/2022 18:39

If they actually ask for the money the only reply is

“so you’ve invited yourselves to stay, arrived empty handed, not lifted a finger, not thanked me for putting you up, not even made me a cup of my own tea, and you think I owe you for any of this? Wow! That’s some incredible entitlement there”

Not sure how that would actually work in real life. It's so confrontational. If you did that it would be really unpleasant for everyone. If the CFs asked me to pay I'd reply something along the lines "Id prefer it if you got that seeing as we got all the food and wine earlier in the week. Hope that's ok" then quickly move the conversation on.

Ithinkwemightgetaholiday · 19/08/2022 18:46

GlueyMooey · 19/08/2022 18:44

Not sure how that would actually work in real life. It's so confrontational. If you did that it would be really unpleasant for everyone. If the CFs asked me to pay I'd reply something along the lines "Id prefer it if you got that seeing as we got all the food and wine earlier in the week. Hope that's ok" then quickly move the conversation on.

But she owes these people nothing. And sometimes life is confrontational and you have to take a stand!
She doesn't care if she ever sees them again so why wouldn't you lay it out exactly how it is.

JudgeJ · 19/08/2022 18:47

CoffeeBeansGalore · 19/08/2022 14:47

Aren't you going away on Tuesday Op? Need to get things sorted so they need to leave Sunday pm at the latest.

We used to have friends who would come and stay but we always had an urgent hospital appointment about 5 days in!

Grananger · 19/08/2022 18:47

I am so overinvested!

alwayscheery · 19/08/2022 18:47

So far so good.

PollyPeePants · 19/08/2022 18:47

If they ask for the money you could just act surprised and say something like 'oh I thought you were treating us to say thanks for having you?' Then silence and let them fill it

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