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CF have come to stay, how to handle it

1000 replies

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 14:42

Have name changed as this will be very outing.

DP asked if some relatives could come and stay for a few days. These are actually relatives of his ex wife, not blood relatives to him, but he knew them a good few years ago. We live in a holiday type area and have the room.

I didn't know much about them except they were late thirties/early forties, apparently lovely. And have had a hard couple of years as their 9yo dd has been quite ill, but is now in recovery and things are looking good.
So of course I said yes. Sounds like they have had a crap time and needed a bit of a break from it all. Said they were coming just the 2 of them, not bringing their dd.

They arrived 4 days ago. Haven't yet said when they are leaving.

The issue is they are incredibly entitled and I really really am beginning to not like them. They arrived with nothing - not a bottle of wine or a bunch of flowers. not that I expect anything but its etiquette surely to arrive with a gesture when you're staying in someones house for free. But that in itself wasn't an issue, just a little surprising.
They were all smiles and hugging DP, saying hi and basically ignored me for a good 10 minutes, just a little hello after that. No word of thanks for saying we could come or anything at this point either.
They haven't offered to buy any food. Me and DP are cooking for them. Haven't bought any drink, though they've been getting through ours very well.
Initially I thought maybe they are skint. Also on my mind was it must be awful having an ill child and they are perhaps still a bit stressed on this.

A few days in, it transpires that during the last 8 months they have been abroad on holiday twice (just them, not their dd), and a week away with their dd. So not short of holidays or 'breaks from it all'. Plus they are thinking of having their kitchen remodelled.
Still not massively friendly with me. But over the top with DP. Still no word of thanks for anything, not even after cooking a meal.
The wife also put baby wipes down the toilet when i'd specifcally said nothing in the toilet please as its a septic tank and anything other than normal toilet roll blocks it (only mentioend because we've learnt that every time after guests the thing blocks because they put sanitary towels, toilet wipes and god knows what down it, and it costs us to get it unblocked). Her reason was, she always uses babywipes on her face. Well ok, put them in the damn bin then.

Last night was almost my final straw. We went out to dinner. Their suggestion. I had a slightly more expensive starter than the rest of them (but wasn't drinking, so that should surely even out). By more expensive it was about £5 more.
When bill comes, DP said lets split down the middle (actually fully thinking they would say their treat for their stay so far) and they fussed about me having the more expensive starter but grudgingly agreed even though I hadn't had alcohol and both of them had.

I mean, seriously. £5 more, and we've fed them for 4 days, they've drank copious bottles of wine and beer while they've done sod all to help out - no offer to clear up or anything, or help fetch food or drink in. Literally nothing.

If they are so seriously short of money, then don't drive a 4 hour journey and invite yourself to someones house and freeload. Although a kitchen remodel isn't cheap.

I want them to leave. DP is also getting really pissed off with them. They clearly didn't need the break after their shit couple of years because they've been abroad more in last 8 months than we have in 4 years. Plus we are far from rich, we are literally scraping by most of the time. Feel like we've totally been taken advantage of.

I want to find out when they are leaving and I need to try and tell them in the nicest possible way to hurry up and bugger off.
So any ways I can word this, without looking like a total bitch?

OP posts:
EmptshelvesUK · 19/08/2022 18:32

forrestgreen · 19/08/2022 18:30

Spray the receipt with kitchen cleaner. Usually makes them unreadable

Fab. Love this.

Ask them what time they are off tomorrow as if that was always the plan.

Youaremysunshine14 · 19/08/2022 18:33

Def go with “oh, okay, I didn’t think we’d split this one but no worries we can tot up what we’ve spent too and split the total” if they mention payment. If they react badly to that, say “hang on, you expected to stay with us all this time and not pay for even a single can of coke as a thank you for hosting and feeding you? Wow, just wow.”

EtnaVesuvius · 19/08/2022 18:33

It’s easy to say ‘I’d tell them to fuck off home’ on MN and sound all ballsy, but I don’t believe most people would actually have the guts to do this in real life.

It’s not that simple.

I would tell them that you’re really sorry but your mum’s not very well/you’re not feeling great/you’re not used to having house guests for more than a few days WHATEVER it takes, just get them out. Then break all contact with them.

Jellybean23 · 19/08/2022 18:33

That's a really bad idea, LivingByTheSeaSoon. It'll block the septic tank.

EtnaVesuvius · 19/08/2022 18:34

Also, you can’t ask guests to go to the supermarket and buy food! That’s just rude.

HandbagAtDawn · 19/08/2022 18:34

PlainJaneSuperBrain99 · 19/08/2022 18:18

Look - i get that they've been CF, but surely the best outcome is that they buy the dinner and then leave (soon) on good terms. I can't get on board about actively seeking drama and confrontation (which is what some posters are encouraging, not the op).

Everyone has different expectations of what staying with someone entails. We've had bil and sil stay and they drink us out of house and home with no offers of contributing the odd bottle of wine. But when we visited them, they refused to let us pay for anything... so, to them, the norm is that the host pays for all. In my family it is more turn-takey (ie, you sorted last nights dinner, let us buy a take away tonight).

So maybe these guests were going to invite you to stay and treat you as generously as you've treated them in your house.

I know what you mean.

When I’m hosting I like to spoil my guests. But that’s usually because I’ve invited them because I specifically want to spend time with them.

The OP doesn’t know these guys from Adam and they asked to come and stay. And are now treating the place like a hotel.

It’s very ungracious and puts a different slant on things.

FeltCarrot · 19/08/2022 18:34

Put one bottle of wine and a couple of beers in the fridge then hide the rest so they can’t take it with them when they LEAVE TOMORROW!!!

LivingByTheSeaSoon · 19/08/2022 18:34

Jellybean23 · 19/08/2022 18:33

That's a really bad idea, LivingByTheSeaSoon. It'll block the septic tank.

🤭

Lunde · 19/08/2022 18:34

Profuse thanks for buying a nice dinner and replenishing the booze😉

woodhill · 19/08/2022 18:34

They'll probably take the booze with them if they are leaving tomorrow

Enjoy your meal and ignore the receipt

ClottedCreamAndStrawberries · 19/08/2022 18:35

EtnaVesuvius · 19/08/2022 18:34

Also, you can’t ask guests to go to the supermarket and buy food! That’s just rude.

Have you read the whole thread? Just read the OPs updates if you need to.

SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows · 19/08/2022 18:35

Wow I can’t believe people can be so entitled!

CherieBabySpliffUp · 19/08/2022 18:35

They definitely want to be paid back. I am guessing that they will bring up the money transfer within an hour.

woodhill · 19/08/2022 18:35

EtnaVesuvius · 19/08/2022 18:34

Also, you can’t ask guests to go to the supermarket and buy food! That’s just rude.

No it isn't

You need to read the whole thread

Twiglets1 · 19/08/2022 18:36

They do want paying or they wouldn’t have left the receipt out would they? I would hide it and if they ask where is it say it must have got thrown away as you & dh assumed they were paying?
Put the awkwardness onto them. If they have the cheek to question it then you can feel free to lose your temper (well overdue) & say you feel insulted that they aren’t prepared to pay for the joint dinner after all the meals & drinks you have provided for them. Say it’s actually really upset you & you think the best thing is for them to leave in the morning.

MzHz · 19/08/2022 18:36

FeltCarrot · 19/08/2022 18:34

Put one bottle of wine and a couple of beers in the fridge then hide the rest so they can’t take it with them when they LEAVE TOMORROW!!!

Definitely hide the booze or they’ll take it with them

WitchDancer · 19/08/2022 18:36

Definitely loose the receipt! Well done on standing your ground on getting them to go to the shops. Now stand firm and please imagine us cheering you on

LivingByTheSeaSoon · 19/08/2022 18:37

EtnaVesuvius · 19/08/2022 18:34

Also, you can’t ask guests to go to the supermarket and buy food! That’s just rude.

No, really it isn't

Sunbird24 · 19/08/2022 18:37

EtnaVesuvius · 19/08/2022 18:34

Also, you can’t ask guests to go to the supermarket and buy food! That’s just rude.

Ruder than asking to stay with your relative’s ex-husband and not so much as making them a cup of tea to say thank you?

Eddielizzard · 19/08/2022 18:37

OMG I think they're thinking they've spent YOUR money!!! And yes, when they realise that's not the case, they will take as much as they can home with them! Hide it under your bed tonight.

midgetastic · 19/08/2022 18:37

EtnaVesuvius · 19/08/2022 18:34

Also, you can’t ask guests to go to the supermarket and buy food! That’s just rude.

Only when normal good manners have been displayed . They broke the code so game theory suggests you should be rude back

Newgirls · 19/08/2022 18:37

Wow. Have a very large glass of wine OP and stay strong!!

Morred · 19/08/2022 18:38

If they don’t usually do it, prep the kids to thank YOU for cooking and then you or your DH can be all gushy “oh well it’s always good manners to thank the cook but really tonight you need to thank CFs for getting such a lovely meal in for us! They’ve very generously restocked the booze fridge too! Thank you!” It would take a very brazen CF to bring up payment at that point.

Then you can segue nicely into “did you think how much longer you might be staying…. Oh no actually that doesn’t work for us. You know what they say about guests and fish hahaha”

MamaH22 · 19/08/2022 18:38

EtnaVesuvius · 19/08/2022 18:34

Also, you can’t ask guests to go to the supermarket and buy food! That’s just rude.

I'll tell you what's rude, coming to stay without any sort of gesture like flowers/wine is rude! Not helping with cooking or stocking the fridge is rude. Drinking all of OPS alcohol and soft drinks is rude. Not acknowledging the OP is RUDE!

DO NOT PAY 👏

PS, also ask them when they are leaving 🤣

Brigante9 · 19/08/2022 18:38

Open all bottles/cheesecake so they can’t be taken away.
Ignore the receipt or do what I said earlier if they mention it-tell them you’ll take it off what they owe you for the rest of the week.

Your DH can tell them they’re leaving tomorrow, he invited them!

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