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CF have come to stay, how to handle it

1000 replies

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 14:42

Have name changed as this will be very outing.

DP asked if some relatives could come and stay for a few days. These are actually relatives of his ex wife, not blood relatives to him, but he knew them a good few years ago. We live in a holiday type area and have the room.

I didn't know much about them except they were late thirties/early forties, apparently lovely. And have had a hard couple of years as their 9yo dd has been quite ill, but is now in recovery and things are looking good.
So of course I said yes. Sounds like they have had a crap time and needed a bit of a break from it all. Said they were coming just the 2 of them, not bringing their dd.

They arrived 4 days ago. Haven't yet said when they are leaving.

The issue is they are incredibly entitled and I really really am beginning to not like them. They arrived with nothing - not a bottle of wine or a bunch of flowers. not that I expect anything but its etiquette surely to arrive with a gesture when you're staying in someones house for free. But that in itself wasn't an issue, just a little surprising.
They were all smiles and hugging DP, saying hi and basically ignored me for a good 10 minutes, just a little hello after that. No word of thanks for saying we could come or anything at this point either.
They haven't offered to buy any food. Me and DP are cooking for them. Haven't bought any drink, though they've been getting through ours very well.
Initially I thought maybe they are skint. Also on my mind was it must be awful having an ill child and they are perhaps still a bit stressed on this.

A few days in, it transpires that during the last 8 months they have been abroad on holiday twice (just them, not their dd), and a week away with their dd. So not short of holidays or 'breaks from it all'. Plus they are thinking of having their kitchen remodelled.
Still not massively friendly with me. But over the top with DP. Still no word of thanks for anything, not even after cooking a meal.
The wife also put baby wipes down the toilet when i'd specifcally said nothing in the toilet please as its a septic tank and anything other than normal toilet roll blocks it (only mentioend because we've learnt that every time after guests the thing blocks because they put sanitary towels, toilet wipes and god knows what down it, and it costs us to get it unblocked). Her reason was, she always uses babywipes on her face. Well ok, put them in the damn bin then.

Last night was almost my final straw. We went out to dinner. Their suggestion. I had a slightly more expensive starter than the rest of them (but wasn't drinking, so that should surely even out). By more expensive it was about £5 more.
When bill comes, DP said lets split down the middle (actually fully thinking they would say their treat for their stay so far) and they fussed about me having the more expensive starter but grudgingly agreed even though I hadn't had alcohol and both of them had.

I mean, seriously. £5 more, and we've fed them for 4 days, they've drank copious bottles of wine and beer while they've done sod all to help out - no offer to clear up or anything, or help fetch food or drink in. Literally nothing.

If they are so seriously short of money, then don't drive a 4 hour journey and invite yourself to someones house and freeload. Although a kitchen remodel isn't cheap.

I want them to leave. DP is also getting really pissed off with them. They clearly didn't need the break after their shit couple of years because they've been abroad more in last 8 months than we have in 4 years. Plus we are far from rich, we are literally scraping by most of the time. Feel like we've totally been taken advantage of.

I want to find out when they are leaving and I need to try and tell them in the nicest possible way to hurry up and bugger off.
So any ways I can word this, without looking like a total bitch?

OP posts:
lioncitygirl · 19/08/2022 18:20

I’m having steak today - just because of this thread! 🥩

LivingByTheSeaSoon · 19/08/2022 18:20

PlainJaneSuperBrain99 · 19/08/2022 18:18

Look - i get that they've been CF, but surely the best outcome is that they buy the dinner and then leave (soon) on good terms. I can't get on board about actively seeking drama and confrontation (which is what some posters are encouraging, not the op).

Everyone has different expectations of what staying with someone entails. We've had bil and sil stay and they drink us out of house and home with no offers of contributing the odd bottle of wine. But when we visited them, they refused to let us pay for anything... so, to them, the norm is that the host pays for all. In my family it is more turn-takey (ie, you sorted last nights dinner, let us buy a take away tonight).

So maybe these guests were going to invite you to stay and treat you as generously as you've treated them in your house.

Ya think?

Expectalot · 19/08/2022 18:21

This can't be real. Nobody is that cheeky, are they?

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/08/2022 18:21

@PlainJaneSuperBrain99
Unlikely they were going to reciprocate, I imagine. I’ve had a lot of cheeky fuckers in my time. None have ever done so. I even suggested to one couple that we wanted to go to their place. Response: no, not big enough. They used to pop into ours from time to time and expect to be fed, watered and didn’t budge so ended up staying over.

Wilkolampshade · 19/08/2022 18:21

...

ApolloandDaphne · 19/08/2022 18:22

I hope OP is reading them the riot act about their CF behaviour.

SheilaWilde · 19/08/2022 18:22

How much would that shopping come to? I've no idea how much steak is but surely it's the least they can do after you've put them up for free.

Starlight9876 · 19/08/2022 18:22

🥩🥩 v 🥩🥩🥩🥩🥩🥩?

SeriouslyLosingTheWill · 19/08/2022 18:23

Ok you won't beleive what they came back with! I'll try and write everything from memory. But they have shopped!

6 Tesco finest rump steaks
salad stuff - bagged lettuce, finest tomatoes, cucumber etc
Mccain oven chips
Onion rings
2 different cheesecakes and double cream!
2 baguettes
butter - random
2 packs of criossants (breakfast??)
2 x 12 packs of different bottled beer, i think estrella and morelti
3 bottles of yellowtail merlot!!!
a multipack of diet coke
and a couple of bags of kettle crisps.

I think thats the lot.

Mrs CF was in such a good mood and commeting on how much better laid out our tesco was and how much more choice! They apologised for being a while, they stopped for a coffee on the way (where, is anyones guess as theres literally nothing on the way to tesco from here). They were gushing about hoping they got the right steaks. They were clubcard price apparantly and luckily Mr CF had his clubcard on him to get the better price. Mr CF is filling the beer fridge as we speak. Mrs CF has plopped herself back down outside with a can of coke as though exhausted from the excitement of our tesco.

I thanked them for popping to the shops and agreed yes it is a lovely tesco and how much I am looking forward to the steak, and yes that steak looks lovely.

However. And this is a big however. Mrs CF has placed the receipt on the kitchen side. I feel they want paying for this! I have not mentioned it or touched it or acknowleged its existence. But I think it is there for a reason and that reason is for us to pay it. Or its some odd brag about how much they spent. I don't know how much it is, I didn't ask and I'm not touching that receipt.

I will need to go and sort dinner shortly. So not sure how much I can update, but I'll try. I will let you know if they say anything about the receipt as the evening progresses.

OP posts:
LAMPS1 · 19/08/2022 18:23

Go out to the garden and say something like ……
I’m afraid I’ve not had chance to think about our meal for this evening and I have to work late so would you mind nipping out to get supplies in for a meal please, I’m not fussed, whatever you want to cook, we will be glad of anything to be honest as we are really busy so anything you fancy making. Or maybe you’d prefer to eat out, up to you of course. Oh and while I’m thinking ahead, it is tomorrow morning you leave isn’t so please add breakfast stuff to the shopping list. Phew, we both have an awful lot on for the next few days so that would be really helpful if you could nip to the shops and start the meal, thanks.

LivingByTheSeaSoon · 19/08/2022 18:24

🍗🍗🍗🍗🥬🍅🥒

KarmaStar · 19/08/2022 18:24

For goodness sake what a nasty pair!
right tell them that you can no longer accommodate them after breakfast tomorrow morning.
end of,don't pad it out or apologise,be firm.
don't offer any alcohol with dinner tonight.
over dinner reiterate with breakfast at 0800hrs as a farewell so you can be on the road before or after the rush hour.r
you can always add that they are welcome to strip their bed 😀💐

LookItsMeAgain · 19/08/2022 18:24

I'd crumple up the receipt and put it in the bin. Tidying up like before starting to prep for dinner 😉

alwayscheery · 19/08/2022 18:25

So far so good.

Pleaseaddcaffine · 19/08/2022 18:25

Glad they shopped

ITriedToStopSwearingButICunt · 19/08/2022 18:25

Mrs CF has placed the receipt on the kitchen side.

Chuck it in the bin!

About24 · 19/08/2022 18:25

I need to know about the receipt and what happens...

The fact it's been left there....

Maybe just throw it away in the bin when they aren't looking and say no more?

ChateauMargaux · 19/08/2022 18:25

What utter assholes..

I would be open and say "I feel a bit put out by the discussion over dinner last night.. we have welcomed you into our home but to be honest.. did not expect to be cooking every night without any input or help from you. Having hosted and fed you for 4 days, I am gobsmacked that you did not offer to pay for the meal last night as a thank you but the fact that you argued about my £5 extra starter despite the fact that I drank non of the wine.' Then leave it open... if they make no attempt to rectify the situation, then say that unfortunately, you and DH are exhausted with working and hosting without any help and would like them to leave.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/08/2022 18:26

They clearly think they’re staying tomorrow night as well with all that booze!

CaveMum · 19/08/2022 18:26

Oooh, passive aggressive receipt placement - love it!

Ignore it and, as others have suggested, if they mention it breezily say “Oh I thought we were going to settle everything up tomorrow just before you leave. I’ll have to do a quick tot up on everything we’ve spent so far then you can give me the difference.”

WhenDovesFly · 19/08/2022 18:26

Keep up @LAMPS1

Mercedesbenz2022 · 19/08/2022 18:26

They expect u to pay !
say how lovely for your last meal as you will be leaving in the morning ,

LivingByTheSeaSoon · 19/08/2022 18:27

Wipe your arse with the receipt........

WiddlinDiddlin · 19/08/2022 18:27

Oooooooooh.... I can't believe you're not making the buggers cook it too tbh, I would... but then you may know something I don't, like they're shit in the kitchen and could burn a cup of tea!

Ignore that receipt, if anyone says 'oh I left you the receipt' say 'Ah yes thanks for reminding me, I'll dig out the rest of the receipts from this weeks shopping and alcohol and we can settle up what you owe us later! :D '

Bobbins36 · 19/08/2022 18:27

They def want paying I reckon! Stand firm OP! If they ask for it then say I assume you want contribute to your food and drink at some point in the visit? And also that if they took the Clubcard points then they can pay for it!

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