To never set foot in a baby group again?

[NumberSixteen]

Why oh why do they have to be so clicky?
Just braved one with my 3 year Old and 5 month old and literally got stared at as I walked in by the other mums all sat round a big table but no one said a word other than the lady who took my money for the group 😳 AIBU to think you'd at least make someone knew feel welcome?

The people who will miss out are your DC, so YABU. Give it another try.

This is nonsense. Baby groups are supposed to be for the benefit of the Mum rather than the baby who doesn't know what's going on, and no child has ever been traumatised by not going to one. I went to them with my first, because I thought I was supposed to, and hated every minute. So with my second I didn't bother. Instead we went to the park, the library, galleries, childrens museums, there are lots of opportunities for babies and toddlers to interact with others outside of these groups. He's now a very happy, confident, sociable little boy who loves people. Give it another try if you want to, OP but don't feel you have to.

I have found most groups are very cliquey too, you just have to do it for your DC and pretend you haven’t noticed you are being ignored! I moved to a new area with a 1 yr old and found a nice local group but pretty much all the others were full of mums that all knew each other already or were the fashionable set, neither of which I fitted into. It’s very lonely.

I loved them, they definitely got me through those years. However, not all toddler groups are equal.

I found the cheaper ones in poorer areas much friendlier. I know, stereotype, but that's how it was for me. The church ones were the best because there was usually a volunteer organiser who introduced you to a few people. The profit making ones with a "purpose" (e.g music or gym, rather than just meet and play) in affluent areas least friendly and frankly a bit competitive even at that age.

I made really good friends, but always with other people who attended alone, I never managed to break into an established group. I hated it when e.g. friends from an NCT group attended together and stuck together, that didn't seem in the spirit of the thing to me.

I ways volunteered to help with making the tea/ tidying the toys and at any fund raisers. That gives you an easy way to strike up conversation.

This sounds great! As with many groups/social situations, it will contain a mixture of introverts, extroverts, some new, some old, some loud, some quieter and so on. I agree partly that you get out what you put in, but it’s narrow minded of others to assume that someone more on the introverted side is passive or disengaged. We’re all different and approach social situations differently. A good facilitator or group leader has a role to play in helping create an environment where everyone can feel comfortable and welcomed. Things like making people a cup of tea, introducing them to a couple of other mums with things in common in that first session etc.

Sorry that was in response to the poster who said they ran a baby group and looked after the newbies! The reply button didn't work for whatever reason.

I first took my daughter to a group when she was about to turn one, as everything I fancied doing had previously coincided with naps or feeding. It was a group called Chatterbox, a little like Sing & Sign, and was run by a qualified speech therapist - you turned up and paid on an ad hoc basis.

That first session was daunting on paper - we sang songs together to help with the signs we were learning, had a coffee break and got some toys out for the kids, then cleared up for a final few songs. What made a massive difference was having a really relaxed, friendly leader, who ran the singing activities as a circle on the floor - no huddles or groups, just everyone together. We all had an activity to focus on, and lots of laughs when a child escaped into the middle of the circle, plus it was great to see our kids enjoying and participating in the songs and actions. By the time we had coffee, everyone was relaxed, and got chatting naturally as the kids played together; I got talking to a few mums who knew each other from another group, because our kids were playing in the same area, and the next week they all greeted me and asked how my week had been. The second session was the week of my daughter’s birthday, and everyone sang happy birthday. Within a few weeks, I was going for coffee afterwards with the mums I’d met, and they became my first ‘mum’ friends. We’re still in touch on Facebook, although our kids all ended up going to different schools.

i won’t say there weren’t less friendly parents there, or that there weren’t children there who were pushers, biters, smackers etc, but on the whole the mood was relaxed and it was easy to steer my daughter away from annoying situations. The group leader gave us some great activities to do, that brought real benefits, and her friendly attitude dictated the tone of the group.

Please don’t dismiss all groups on the basis of one awkward hour. The number of people saying they tried once and never bothered with any other groups is amazing - why would you give up on something you want to do, or that benefit your child, so easily? (That’s a general ‘you’, not specifically the OP). There are literally thousands of groups out there, with millions of individual parents - not one big clique determined to cold-shoulder you. As others have said, some people may be so new they don’t realise you’re also a newbie - they may be waiting for you to welcome them! Some people will be barely functioning and not have the mental space to make smalltalk or realise you need help. Some might be just as shy as you, but if you’re not approaching people it’s not fair to expect them to, either.

I hope everyone who wants to go to a group gets what they want from it - whether that’s lasting friendships or simply a space to be out of the house with more space for their child to play with new toys.

I always hated them, OP exactly for the reasons you’ve stated.
I took my DD to things like story time at the library as it took the focus off having to try and chat to disinterested parents.
It gets better once they start school, you’ll soon get chatting to other parents when you’re waiting to pick them up at the gates.