What would you do if your partner hadn't proposed after nearly 3 years

[Theresalwaysmoneyinthebananastand]

Or even just said after 3 years that they wanted to marry you and were intending to get engaged soon.
Would you wait a bit longer or leave?
Assuming the partner is not 21 or something incredibly young

I would ask them how they see the relationship progressing seen as we have been together 3 years. Clarify whether we are on the same page and go from there

Depends on how old you both are, although he either knows or he doesn't. And if he is still not sure then will he ever? I don't think it's unreasonable to start a discussion so you both know where you stand.

Mine hasn’t! We’ve been together a bit over 3 years. However we discussed this back at the start of our relationship. I’m divorced and he had an abusive ex partner. I also still have my DD at home so we agreed neither of us wanted to live together or marry. What I do is tease him about it but really I don’t want to marry him anymore than he wants to marry me.

I like clear expectations up front so if we had discussed marriage and agreed it was a shared goal (and trust me I’d have discussed timescales and all sorts up front too!) then I’d ask him and if he said no I’d dump him. No point wasting your life with someone who doesn’t want something that’s important to you.

There's no time limit- we were together over 5 years before a proposal then married 4 months later.

If you want to marry him, ask him. If you don’t, then move on. But you don’t have to sit around waiting, ffs.

DH and I have been together for 17 years, married for 12. We weren't in a rush to get married because when we met I was still studying, then we were both busy developing our careers, buying a house and doing it up. We both knew very early on in the relationship that we were in it for the long haul, we were completely committed to each other and had shared values and talked a lot about the future. So I don't agree with pp that if he hasn't proposed after 3 years he never will. Maybe he doesn't realise OP is in a rush, after all if you're planning on being with someone forever you've got time! A conversation needs to happen to make sure both are on the same page.

I think it’s strange if a couple is settled E.g. house/baby/meeting families and not married after 4 years. So I reckon a proposal should have happened somewhere between 2-3.5 years into the relationship. Before anyone jumps on me, that’s just personal opinion.

''@IDontDrinkTea
I would be incredibly surprised by a proposal before three years, I see no reason to rush these things. As they say, marry in haste, repent at leisure''

Nonsense.

Unless you are very young after 3 years it would be perfectly normal to at least have a discussion on important life topics such as whether you want to have kids, whether you want to get married, whether you should buy a house together and so on.

This is to make sure that both partners are on the same page when in comes to the relationship and your future together (if any...).

OP, if your goal is to get married/start a family soon, make your wishes known.

Your partner is perfectly entitled not share your goals but at least you will know where you stand and won't waste years of your life on a man who can't give you what you want.

There are so many stories out there of men who claim they are ''not ready'' and continue to string their partner along for years only to suddenly meet someone else and quickly commit to the new woman and start a family/get married within a year...

I'm so shocked that in 2022 women are still expected to wait around like passive wallflowers waiting for the man to propose.

I think it depends on circumstances. Are you in the position financially get married yet?

We were together 6 years before getting engaged, and then married 10 months later. We didn't see any point getting engaged before we were planning a wedding, and we weren't ready to plan a wedding until we had bought a house together, saved a bit of money, etc.

You have to wait until both people are ready. If it's the man who takes longer then you wait for that.
To be honest though if he knows that you want to get married, and there are no complicating factors such as previous children from other relationships, and he is dragging his feet, it suggests he isn't that keen. In that case you decide whether you still want to stay together. It depends on his reasons really. If he's clearly committed to you, then you may decide it doesn't matter. If he's not committed then probably not worth wasting any more time. I wouldn't wait for it though. Either decide it doesn't matter, or move on. Have a serious conversation first, and really listen to what he is saying. Don't bother trying to persuade or guilt him or threaten him into it.

This depends on what marriage means to both of you. For some couples very much isn't going to change when they get married and for others A LOT is going to change. You should bring it up and see what he thinks first!

Dh proposed after 2,5yrs but we didn’t marry for another 6yrs. Should have been 4,5 but covid cancelled 2 weddings

we wanted a baby more than a wedding as was doing ivf when Proposed

but we were in 40,s both 2nd marriage

I have 2 friends desperate to get married - both have kids with their partners and been together 7&9yrs and no sign of a ring

As archaic as it sounds I wouldn't propose to my partner in a hetero relationship. I just couldn't do it. Having said that if it's a subject after 3 years you haven't talked about because you're too nervous about his reaction then this isn't the relationship for you because I can assure you - a life walking on eggshells trying to preempt your partners reaction to things will leave you a hollowed out shell of yourself.
Talk to him about it and see what page he's on. If marriage is something you want and he doesn't then you have to be prepared to walk away. There are countless women who've waited years and years for their boyfriends to be 'ready'.
Someone once told me something about men a long time ago: "If he wants to, he will."

I agree - you know if want to spend rest of lives together

you get engaged then save for a wedding so likely to be with them another few years by time of wedding

@AppleBottomRats if you both know you want to get married why hasn’t he proposed

I think kids play a huge part

for me as infertility, the bsby was more important than the wedding , but as was engaged knew there was commitment

and as I said once we had paid off the ivf then started to make wedding plans

if a man loves you enough to have kids then should love you enough to get married and give you legal safety aspect as well for you and kids

@Blondeshavemorefun

For many people marriage does NOT give protection for them and kids.

Do not assume marriage is always positive for a woman. In doing so you are making the giant leap that she is, and will continue to be the weaker economic partner and that is simply untrue in many cases. Maybe in OPs, definitely in mine, definitely in the case of many posters here. It is quite rude to suggest that someone does not love another enough. In my case I and my children would be significantly worse off now and in the future if I married anyone, no matter how much we love each other - it has very little to do with love.

I would have been far better off in childhood and now as an adult if my mother had never married my father. In turn, my children are worse off because they married. It would make it a double whammy if I too married and compromised my estate in the event of death or divorce.

26 years here!

sorry, not what you want to hear but I’m quite old and old-fashioned. After three years I’d be asking him.
if he says no, I’d move on.

Several reasons depending on progress of relationship. Have you lived together for a significant period? Have you met each others families? Have you discussed future planning -kids, where to live, career objectives, finances now and plans for future? Do you know enough about each others values etc and believe they are compatible?
the above should be the minimum before marriage. It is in essence a social contract with consequences.
also you don’t wait until the man is ready… you wait until both parties are ready. If the man is later then so be it.

Having said that I did make it clear after around 2.5 years (we had discussed all above) that if he didn’t propose then I would be doing so. You can’t wait forever.

Goodness. Our wedding was less than two years after we met 24 years ago. My dad proposed after less than a year, they were married 64 years.

We got engaged just over 3years in - I brought it up numerous times. In fact id say, in hindsight, I pressured him into it.

Nothing was wrong with our relationship at all, it was the societal pressure and body clock ticking that was on my back.

Then covid came, and my quick engagement wasn't quick at all, over two years in fact. And I totally relaxed about it all and wondered what I was fussing over in the first place.

As it turns out, our relationship became so much stronger, not because of engagement but because of all the curve balls life threw at us once it happened. Im now pregnant, although I'm happy, I can't help but wonder why I was stressing and rushing so much. I should have just enjoyed the moments.

But that's life isn't it! I am a fan of making your stance clear, I know plenty of girls who haven't, and have watched the life they want pass them by.

To give an unromantic analogy - if I spoke to my boss and realised that progression and promotion to the level I wanted wasn’t looking likely, I’d have to decide whether I liked my job enough to stay, or I would rather leave and get a job elsewhere with better prospects.

If your dp doesn’t want to get married that’s his prerogative and you can’t make him want what he doesn’t want. But you have the choice to stay or move on, and he in turn has choices.

This is your life and you make the decisions for you.

The time is irrelevant - it’s about whether you’re on the same page/

DH and I were together 5 years before we got engaged however we knew where we were at all times. Just before we were actually engaged we had a ‘I think im ready for kids’ conversation.

He knew I wasn’t prepared to have kids before marriage so I had a ring about 4 months later and we were married the following year.

We always talked and nothing is out of bounds.

I didn’t have some daft proposal. He met me from work, handed me a ring and we told people. Job done.

I thought mn mantra was to get married if have kids to protect selves esp If give up work etx