What would you do if your partner hadn't proposed after nearly 3 years

[Theresalwaysmoneyinthebananastand]

Or even just said after 3 years that they wanted to marry you and were intending to get engaged soon.
Would you wait a bit longer or leave?
Assuming the partner is not 21 or something incredibly young

I’m going to go against the grain and say 3 years is a long time. I think if you aren’t very young then you don’t need a decade to decide, especially if you want children. We were married very quickly, but both had enough experience of good and bad relationships to know the difference. If you are sure about him have the talk- that way you’ll know either way. You just have to be clear in your head about what you will do if he says no or dithers.

Are you currently at a disadvantage due to not being married?

I'm not married to long term DP and don't feel the need to as we don't have DC, don't have enough assets to worry about IHT issues and I have a much better pension than he does.

I’d be happy they knew me well enough not to propose.

if they did propose it would probably be the end of the relationship. Definitely be over if they did it in public or in a showy way.

I’d have conversations about it. What do you both want from the relationship, do you want children, what do you think about shared finances, are you building a life together etc etc I’d expect to have been having these kind of conversations regularly tbh.
Is it that after 3 years they’re dragging their feet on commitment - don’t want to live together, talk about marriage etc.. in which case, I suppose you could justifiably say if they’re not sure about you after 3 years then it should be over.. Or, is it that they are building a life with you and expect marriage and starting a family in 1,2,3…+ years? In which case fine.

@alittlequinnie "I ummed and ahhed about what to do and there was no way I would propose - to be honest it felt a bit strange and I was worried he might say "no"!"

I imagine this is how the proposer often feels - ultimately someone has to do it tho :)

Have you ever told him you want to marry him? Why should he bring it up first?

If I wanted to get married, I would propose.

If I was happy to stay as is a bit longer, I wouldn’t propose until I did want to get married.

If I proposed and was turned down I’d then consider ending the relationship, if it seemed we were on different pages. But I’d only do it if I meant it.

Have you discussed during those 3 years how you both feel about marriage? If not, about time then.

After 3 years, I think most people know if their relationship has a long term future

Aged 32, want children? Don't hang around. Propose yourself, if you want to marry him

Aged 22? Enjoy the relationship, but don't be strung along for ever

Close family members have just got married after 39 years, and with their grown-up children as witnesses. They're no less of a couple than my parents who have been married for roughly the same amount of time and no one ever thought anything of it. Only got married now because it makes wills/pensions etc. easier.

I carried on in the relationship quite happily, he proposed after we'd been together about five years, living together about 3.5 , we got married just under two years after that.
Why is there such a set timeline? If you have doubts around the stability of the relationship, an engagement ring don't make a difference. A female colleague has been engaged 4 times, the relationships were all horrendous

I've been with my bf 6 years, I told him straight away that I want to get married one day and he agreed. we've been saving for a house in that time and just buying one now, but I was getting abit blah at the beginning of the year and so I sat him down and told him that 6 years is more than enough time for me and I was hoping to be engaged this year and asked if we were on the same page .. he said yes and he had plans... nothing yet though so we shall see... just speak to him if it's bothering you

😂

I get why the rush comments,but also why the wait? Why does it have to be just when the man is ready? So people would wait an indefinite time until the man was finally ready?

I don’t think it’s that long. We bought a house together before we got engaged. We were together almost 7 years before engagement and married another 6 years after that. We got married at 36 but we already had the kids and house so we just did it that way round. Maybe just talk and see if he’s on the same page as you with regards to timelines? Maybe he’s planning a proposal or maybe he thinks 3 years is nothing. You’ll never know unless you talk about it to him

You're literally the only person suggesting waiting

But have you had any conversations about the future? I wasn't bothered on the timeline because I was only 25 when we got together, having anyway been friends for 14 years. When we moved in together I knew it was stable and long term, I was also clear I wouldn't have children until married and he was ok with that. So marriage was on the cards I didn't need it right now, it made no difference to me at 27/28 whether I was married or not because I wouldn't even start considering children until I was in my thirties, had too much to do first!
Why do you want to be married now and what has he said when you've spoken about it?

I’ve been with DP for 6 years and we are not engaged. We have however had discussions about our future and know that we want to marry each other. Have you not discussed the future?

OP, I’d say three years is plenty long enough to know whether you want to be married and have at least discussed or spoken about it.

have you brought it up with your DP? Some men will happily coast along obliviously until the woman gives them a nudge that marriage is what they want.

The decision to get married is a joint one - start the discussion.

Age is a factor too... I'd been with DH over 5 years when he proposed but we'd been together since we were 20

Was together 13 years before we got engaged - married this year and we are 18 years together . We had dates booked , but had a huge family trauma so postponed then covid happened and was postponed again . We were both the last to get married in each families aswell as our friends. To me i wasnt too bothered, we were both busy with life, had our house , then built another one , also a business together. We had discussed everything of life bar marriage - was floored when he proposed. We then discussed everything then as to how we didn't want our wedding to be :) . But before we knew what we both wanted from life and had been through a lot. To me it just didn't affect me and also people were not bothered the fact we weren't married. We have had our wedding day - it was brilliant - but honestly our relationship has not changed one bit since we married. I do remember quiet clearly a cousin of his saying one time years ago, that she firmly believed all women should be married by time she was 30 and i was a bit "Huh" - she got married before she was 30. To me that was very strange. life is different for everyone, who knows what it will throw in your way. Have the conversation with your other half that's the only way you will find out . But please do not listen to the pressure from outside for getting married, no one has that say only you and your partner

I ‘joked’ early on with my boyfriend that I had a 3 year deadline for a proposal, as I was late 20’s and was conscious of fertility etc in future. I wouldn’t go on about it a lot but he knew what I expected and we talked enough about it for me to know he was on the same page as me. Things got delayed as my mum passed away suddenly but he proposed just over 3 year mark. If he still didn’t know if marriage to you was what he wanted after 3 years instead of it being about practically of cost, situation etc I would start considering moving on. It’s not the popular view on here, but I think you know fairly quickly if your partner is someone you want to marry. I don’t think it takes years and years of being together to figure this out.

HAVE YOU TOLD HIM HOW YOU FEEL???
you're putting a lot onto him whilst seemingly taking no responsibility yourself!

Have you had a conversation about marriage? If that's what you want then talk to him. I don't really know what would be different for you about being engaged, you've been together three years.

I'm shocked that there are women in serious relationships who haven't talked with their partner about the future and are just sat around waiting for a proposal.

What if you wait a few more years then discover it's not something he ever wants?