What would you do if your partner hadn't proposed after nearly 3 years

[Theresalwaysmoneyinthebananastand]

Or even just said after 3 years that they wanted to marry you and were intending to get engaged soon.
Would you wait a bit longer or leave?
Assuming the partner is not 21 or something incredibly young

It took 7 for mine to propose.

Because they want to be sure.
Because they don't want to end up as one of the massive % of marriages that ends in divorce.
Because it's one of the biggest decisions you'll ever make.
I took 8 years before I was sure.
Thankfully it's all going well so far - 20+ years on

Presumably in three years you know each other's views about marriage, starting a family, how much you love each other, each other's aspirations and values. If they are all in sympathy and there are no barriers like finance and culture then you need a mature conversation about each other's intentions. It's about what you both want rather than a timeline.

I have a friend whose partner absolutely didn't see any value in marriage or want any part of it (distressing and unstable childhood). They have been together for 40 years now. As far as DH and I were concerned marriage was the bedrock of a stable long-term partnership and happened before children. Neither of us had any doubts about each other.

Take some responsibility for your life. If you want to get married, talk to him about it, not to random strangers on Mumsnet.

It’s the 21st century. Women can and do ask their partners to marry them.

Have you asked him though? How do you know he's not ready? We got married after 11 years and 2 DC. He wanted to long before then, but I didn't fancy it 🤣🤣 We're coming up to 30 years together this year.

My dh proposed to me after a year together. Married the following year. I married a man, not a sloth. I was 32, he was 36, if that makes much difference.

Did they turn you down when you asked them?

My dh proposed after 7 years. Mt brother proposed to his now wife after 10 years of dating.
I get what you say about why does it happen when the man is ready but it can only happen when you’re both ready. I’ve had many friends push their partners into engagement, some then just split up after and others rushed a marriage and it’s not been a happy one.

I wouldn't passively wait for a proposal. It should be a conversation and end with an agreed timeline. If our timeliness and desires to get married did not match then we would be incompatible.

Have you told him you want to marry him?

have you ever even discussed marriage together?

I guess you live together? That always slows down a proposal because it gives all the benefits of marriage without any risk.

I think 3 years is pretty fast. Most couples I know have been together at least 5.

Being with someone over a longer period you see how they change, how they react to different things, understand what you each want long term etc.

DH and I were together 7 years before he proposed. He waited until we'd bought a flat together then proposed.

Nobody is saying to wait! Everyone is saying to either have a conversation, or ask him yourself!

Don’t think of it as ‘proposing’. Just have a chat sometime and say ‘Isn’t it time we got married?’ That way you’ll get a clear indication of whether or not that’s what he wants.

Need more information - how old are you both? And have you ever mentioned marriage? Do you live together? Have you bought a house together or planning to?

I was with my ex 8 years before we got married. Occasionally we’d talk about having children. When I was ill in hospital I just told him I wanted to get engaged and we then bought a ring and planned the wedding. He was never going to do a big flashy proposal but did want to get married.

Also these days women don't immediately sacrifice their careers on getting married. Most of the real need to get married is driven by having kids as that's when women need the legal security it provides more.

I think most men perceive marriage as a pretty immediate precursor to having children, so will not propose until they at the stage of considering children.

The lack of proposal wouldn't bother me no but I'd have a conversation that we're both on the same page and see us moving towards engagement!

My friend is with her bf for 10 years. Still no engagement. I doubt itll come
Some men are just not up for it. Why force it.

Ask yourself
do you want the WEDDING
Or the LIFE together?
Because you can have the life without being married..

Well if you want to get married now and he doesn't maybe you need to meet someone else. I think most couples work out something that suits them and meets both their needs so if you can't get that then you need to reconsider the relationship I suppose.

I may be old but I don't understand couple s having the commitment to each other to buy a property without the commitment to get married. So much easier to not get married when a man has a readymade home and all the comforts marriage brings.

You can propose to them you know. Why do women work themselves up waiting for it?

It depends on the age. If the couple were in their 20s I wouldn't think anything of it. If it were me and I were in my 30s I would be asking what the plan was and if an engagement wasn't imminent I would move on. Assuming I wanted to get married!

I didn't "wait". My partner and I talked about it, the pros, the cons, what marriage meant to us, what we would each get out of it, what we wanted it to be. It wasn't a single big discussion with ultimatums, but rather a series of conversations over a couple of years while we figured stuff out. Eventually we decided it wouldn't change our relationships (which was a bonus) but would offer some certainties for kids which we wanted and we decided we didn't want a "wedding" per se as it would be expensive and stressful so agreed to elope. He did then get me a ring and proposed on my birthday which was sweet but not a wild surprise. Ring was very pretty.

Then we booked a holiday with tiny two person wedding ceremony attached and off we went. I wouldn't have waited at all, but neither would I have expected for him to magically know I wanted to get married.

3 years imo is still a bit honeymoon period. Most people will have decades of adult life, r what's the rush?!