Sister threw DS out of the photo

[HellMc]

My DS (10) has always pulled silly faces in photos, he’s done it since he was a toddler. We tried getting him to stop but it’s like he can’t help himself so we just got on with it. We assumed if we didn’t make a fuss out of it he’s grow out of it but he didn’t. All of his school photos have silly faces etc and now we just laugh. The only photos we have of him not doing a silly face are the natural ones he didn’t know we were taking.

Anyway yesterday me, DS, sister, her kids and my other sisters son went on a day out a national heritage site. Sister wanted a group photo of all the kids so they all stood together in front of the ruins. Sister then said to DS “either stop pulling faces or stand over there out of the photo” 😱 it came as a shock as everyone was laughing at him initially and then she suddenly got mad. I told her I thought she was being a bit harsh and she said “sorry but I’ve been trying to take a nice photo of them all all day for mum and he’s ruined every one so far”.

I told DS to just this once not pull a face but he continued doing so so sister told him to get out of shot. She then took the photo of the other kids and said “there, finally mum will have a photo for her wall”.

so I said mum would want all the kids together so she said “actually, mum told me to take the pic without your ds if he insisted on pulling a face, she was annoyed with the last lot of photos I took her because he’d ruined them all.

I feel hurt, not just about my sister but also what my mum (his grandma!) has clearly been saying!!

AIBu to feel hurt at DS being excluded from a family photo that is destined for my mums wall??

I don't blame your DH either. Buying him toys for misbehaving? Looks like you've raised a brat, sorry.

Right.

I don't usually think there is a good reason to shout at children like this, but I can't blame him. As you said they aren't cheap, and he happily ruined 2 sets. This isn't a toddler who doesn't understand, it's a child who knows exactly what they're doing, he's been told numerous times not to do it and makes the choice to continue to pull faces. I would have struggled to keep calm, it must have been absolutely infuriating to be ignored and have money wasted time after time like that.

I seem to remember a Very Solemn assembly in secondary school where we were told a whole school photo had to be redone because one child pulled a silly face.. I think the parents got the bill.

And super annoying

Indeed same as I tell it how it is.

Sorry OP but this would do my head in too. Surely he can just keep his face expressionless, at the very least?

I'm actually surprised he's managed to get any school photos taken if he keeps mucking about in them.

I do think it's fair enough now he's 10 that if he can't behave properly for a family photo that he's asked to step aside. Regardless if this is something he's been doing since a toddler, he is now old enough to stop doing it or understand that people won't want to take photos of him if he won't.

Agree with your sister. At 10 he knows better and he’s doing it because you all laugh at him so he thinks it’s funny and he gets attention. It isn’t always funny, he definitely shouldn’t be pulling faces on school photos.

It sounds as if your DH is Team Sis as well. It's a shame that DS was not firmly and gently steered when much younger, galloping mindlessly on and making the final consequences much harsher.
Perhaps is you didn't indulge him by taking photos when he asks for them, it might give him pause for thought.

On the bright side might be a good way of find out if he does have some control.

FIL tensed up for phots and looked in pain or threatening in everyone till our wedding - were it was all snaps at random so no posing and he was caught in most photos smiling naturally - MIL was delighted. Did seem to mark a change - though tensing when holding GC does seem impossible but even more posed snaps now go well for him.

So actually I do think ignoring it so it didn't become a thing like it did with FIL but at 10 worth a shot to see if he can improve.

YABU

Maybe raise your child properly

we ended up arguing over it as he shouted so much that people were looking and watching us and DS was so upset.

You just keep undermining anyone that disciplines him for this. He was being really naughty that day, he needed telling off.

I wonder how many classmates parents are getting sick of this shit. Every year, having to buy the massively overpriced photos that are ruined by one attention seeking child in the group.

So he could do it in the end for his passport photo. I can understand why your husband was annoyed and why he got cross.

You need to have a serious chat with him about this. Sorry but you laughing at him is not helping him. I am not sure what way it is in the UK but will he need photo id for secondary school. He cannot be pulling silly faces in those.

I think you need thank your sister for highlighting what other members of the family think of your sons behaviour and reflect on how you are dealing with it going forward.

H ended up losing his shit and really shouted at him in the middle of Asda saying there will be no treats, no toys etc and if the next set of photos came out “stupid” there would be no holiday for him either

Not fantastic, but bloody Norah. How come this wasn't a wake-up call to you to stop indulging him. You have other children?

Your son needed to be upset, frankly. The way you have indulged this inexcusable behaviour for years is why your family have put their foot down. There is nothing cute or funny about an insolent 10 year old.

This!

My youngest DD who is 11 does silly faces in photos a lot. I don’t really care and a lot of the time it is quite funny. They’re kids messing about at the end of the day, but if I or another adult said ‘we want a nice photo for granny, please smile nicely’ or for things like school photos and passports then she knows to be sensible.

I think the issue here is that it sounds like you’ve not set boundaries about when it is or isn’t appropriate to be silly. On that basis, I don’t think your sister is being unreasonable but I don’t really blame your DS if you haven’t spoken to him about this before. He’s a child and still learning so I do think some of the comments you’ve had on here are harsh.

i don’t mind to stick tbe boot in, genuinely, but he’s probably doing other annoying stuff too that you just laugh off or think he’ll grow out of

it seems like he just doesn’t do as he’s told and then when people get mad you step in and accuse them of being too harsh. It’s enabling.

Many secondary schools take photos of their students early on in y7 and use them in their systems. The silly faces won't wash and he'll be in trouble.

You need to get a grip on this OP and swiftly. He's been indulged for far too long.

Hmm, I tbh I think people should be allowed to express their individuality and that it’s fine in your own photos if that’s what you’re happy with, but he needs to know that not everyone has the same rules. If he won’t grow out of it then what is he going to do when get gets for example headshots done for work or is ever asked to be in a wedding party? Would probably find it quite annoying as a kid if everyone else has to sit for ages and wait until he can stop making faces lol!

He's learnt its "cute" and draws attention to himself so now he does it in every photo. I can see why it gets old from time to time

He's going into last year of primary, you say he's a good boy, he's NT so now is the time to sit down and explain that when's he's asked to do something reasonable, he is expected to do it. It's reasonable to look at a camera and boot pull a stupid face. I have a 7 yo who does it and I think it is a level of self consciousness but when he's told no, it's no. It shouldn't need threats and scaremongering

I'm with your sister. If that was my son I'd have been telling him aged 3/4 if he couldn't behave in the photo he couldn't be in it. Would be mortified if he was ruining other peoples' photos at 10!!

I don’t find it funny at all, I was laughing along with the others yesterday as I felt awkward and embarrassed. I didn’t want to cause a scene. I have myself refused to take a photo before when he’s been doing it. Whitby abbey last year, DS asked me to take a photo of him. I did and he pulled a silly face. I looked at the photo and saw how lovely it would be without the silly face (abbey in the background, lovely sky, nobody else in it) so I asked him to do another one without the silly face. He kept doing it so I got irritated with him and said “forget it, no more photos today” and he kept asking for more photos and I refused to take them. That ended in an argument too. It’s so frustrating but I can’t seem to get through to him.

BUT he’s not a toddler now, he’s 10