Sister threw DS out of the photo

[HellMc]

My DS (10) has always pulled silly faces in photos, he’s done it since he was a toddler. We tried getting him to stop but it’s like he can’t help himself so we just got on with it. We assumed if we didn’t make a fuss out of it he’s grow out of it but he didn’t. All of his school photos have silly faces etc and now we just laugh. The only photos we have of him not doing a silly face are the natural ones he didn’t know we were taking.

Anyway yesterday me, DS, sister, her kids and my other sisters son went on a day out a national heritage site. Sister wanted a group photo of all the kids so they all stood together in front of the ruins. Sister then said to DS “either stop pulling faces or stand over there out of the photo” 😱 it came as a shock as everyone was laughing at him initially and then she suddenly got mad. I told her I thought she was being a bit harsh and she said “sorry but I’ve been trying to take a nice photo of them all all day for mum and he’s ruined every one so far”.

I told DS to just this once not pull a face but he continued doing so so sister told him to get out of shot. She then took the photo of the other kids and said “there, finally mum will have a photo for her wall”.

so I said mum would want all the kids together so she said “actually, mum told me to take the pic without your ds if he insisted on pulling a face, she was annoyed with the last lot of photos I took her because he’d ruined them all.

I feel hurt, not just about my sister but also what my mum (his grandma!) has clearly been saying!!

AIBu to feel hurt at DS being excluded from a family photo that is destined for my mums wall??

It's attention seeking behaviour which you seem to have enabled over the years. Things that are cute in a toddler are not cute in an almost secondary school age child.

He chose the result as he knew the consequences of pulling faces - perhaps it was unexpected as you usually make excuses for his inappropriate behaviour

Maybe he hates having his photo taken.. and just gets nervous...and doesn't know what to do.. I usually look to tge side or floor in allmy school photos....saved my mum a fortune as she never bought them
Poor kid... maybe teach him a photo face and practice...bit like a social story.
So if someone wants a 'proper' photo he knows what to do...

YOU should have pulled him out of the pic instead of your sister having to do it but you were too busy laughing and thinking your 10 year old was hilarious.

Cop on!

Rather than getting annoyed he perhaps could get a choice- normal face or we don’t have you in the photo.

that is literally what happened. Has he been doing this in class photos? I can't imagine that (do you have class photos in the uK?). If a kid in any of my DCs class had done this, they would also have had the choice: stand out of shot or behave. The other parents wouldn't have stood for that at all.

Nah you should have dealt with this a loooong time ago, he's 10 not 3. He's rude and so are you for allowing it. Your sister was 100% correct

have you actually asked him why he does it, rather than hope he grows out of it or decide he’s nervous?

does he have self esteem issues or thinks he looks weird when he smiles or doesn’t like his teeth? I mean, it’s been 10 years…

The passport photo was an absolute nightmare. We took him to a booth in Asda and explained that the photos were expensive and he needed to sit and not smile or pull a silly face. Every one came back silly so I promised him a toy if the next set came out properly. He still pulled silly faces - DH ended up losing his shit and really shouted at him in the middle of Asda saying there will be no treats, no toys etc and if the next set of photos came out “stupid” there would be no holiday for him either and he would be staying with his grandmother. The photos came back with him holding back tears 😞 we ended up arguing over it as he shouted so much that people were looking and watching us and DS was so upset.

He does want to be in the photographs, he often asks me to take pics of him when we’re out and about so it’s not like he doesn’t like having his photo taken. It’s frustrating for me too.

You've indulgently allowed your DS to ruin photos for 10 years. It's not cute. It's not funny. It's bad behaviour. Finally consequences are catching up with him.

She's right. He sounds very annoying.

Also OP, as someone pointed out with a school group shot, the same would apply for the group photo of the grandchildren, it ruins it for everyone else in the picture because immediately everyone's eye will be drawn to the boy making a stupid face not a lovely shot of cousins, I absolutely get why your mother wouldn't want that on her wall

YABU. I wouldn't want him in a picture if he was being silly either. It's not cute , it's irritating. Also very rude for him to disrespect his auntie like that imo.

Sounds like hubby just blew up after years of this silliness. Don’t blame him to be honest.

Exhibiting toddler like behaviour long past toddlerhood does not a "character" make 🤦‍♀️
Or are you particularly drawn to those "I'm mad, me! 🤪" types? Not many are.

Not remotely surprised your DH lost his shit. I would expect my 3 year old to follow instructions, why can you child not at 10? Madness

Yabvu. At 10 years old he shouldnt still be pulling silly faces. Your mum has one of all the kids together with him pulling a face, now she's got a nice one without him..Hopefully the fact your sister put her foot down means the next time it's tried he'll look normal.

Oh OP that sounds really hard! I think posters are giving you a hard time on here. I have a kid (also 10) who is exactly the same and the reaction is rooted in anxiety and feeling “put on the spot”.

Well tell him to stop !

That’s why putting boundaries and reasonable expectations in place, with calm appropriate consequences, is so important. Poor kid has always been laughed at and encouraged to mess about in photos. Suddenly it’s so unacceptable that his father causes a public scene.

Whilst I would find this immensely irritating the fact that his parents have been laughing about this, thereby encouraging it, for the past 8 years has clearly sent out mixed messages. The photo booth story is actually really sad

Re: character

If someone is described as "quite a character" as an adult it usually means "arsehole" right?

What your sister did yesterday seems like the 1st bit of discipline he's had.
Good for her for giving him consequences if he didn't behave and for following through.

Yabu his 10 not 2.

no wonder you dh lost his shit and no wonder sister kicked him out the photo. Poor family never being able to actually have a nice photo because of the joker always being in it and you seeming thinking it’s hilarious.

I bet his a right pain in other ways too.

It clearly not that frustrating for you though otherwise you would have backed up your husband when you were doing the passport photo

Sorry OP but they way you talk about him is very "mummy's little boy can do no wrong isn't he so cute and funny what a character pulling faces" when really it's getting on everyone's nerves

You offered a 10 year old a toy if he didn't dick about in his passport photo?
This can't be real.

Then he needs to practice. It doesn't have to be a stunning model face but it just has to be a neutral face