Sister threw DS out of the photo

[HellMc]

My DS (10) has always pulled silly faces in photos, he’s done it since he was a toddler. We tried getting him to stop but it’s like he can’t help himself so we just got on with it. We assumed if we didn’t make a fuss out of it he’s grow out of it but he didn’t. All of his school photos have silly faces etc and now we just laugh. The only photos we have of him not doing a silly face are the natural ones he didn’t know we were taking.

Anyway yesterday me, DS, sister, her kids and my other sisters son went on a day out a national heritage site. Sister wanted a group photo of all the kids so they all stood together in front of the ruins. Sister then said to DS “either stop pulling faces or stand over there out of the photo” 😱 it came as a shock as everyone was laughing at him initially and then she suddenly got mad. I told her I thought she was being a bit harsh and she said “sorry but I’ve been trying to take a nice photo of them all all day for mum and he’s ruined every one so far”.

I told DS to just this once not pull a face but he continued doing so so sister told him to get out of shot. She then took the photo of the other kids and said “there, finally mum will have a photo for her wall”.

so I said mum would want all the kids together so she said “actually, mum told me to take the pic without your ds if he insisted on pulling a face, she was annoyed with the last lot of photos I took her because he’d ruined them all.

I feel hurt, not just about my sister but also what my mum (his grandma!) has clearly been saying!!

AIBu to feel hurt at DS being excluded from a family photo that is destined for my mums wall??

What sort of faces are we talking about here?

Everyone on here is being an arsehole. I feel sorry for him, it sounds like it's become a nervous tick almost. Everyone has got something like that which they did as Children that annoyed everyone else.

My comment will probably get lost in the mountains of replies but if he’s otherwise a good boy and he genuinely thinks this is funny then it may be time to start using some rewards for not pulling faces. Tell him you think he’s really funny but sometimes we need to be able take a photo without a silly face. Use a bit of bribery, if you don’t pull a face you get a sweet, that sort of thing. And maybe in family photos like the one mentioned the person taking the photo could do one photo of everyone pulling a “silly face” and one of everyone doing a “smiling face”.
I think there are gentle ways this could be tackled. He’s not a twat.

This has gone far too far!

my dh will do this and i'll say stop pulling a face he then just has a look of bordom doesnt know why he does it our wedding photos arent too bad though

Sounds like a natural consequence for the boundary he crossed. Frankly OP, I wouldn’t be condoning this kind of behaviour in my children. Stop enabling it and consider the viewpoint of the rest of your family.

and

People calling a ten year old a twat??? Honestly. His crime is being silly in photos probably to cover up some awkwardness...and you lot are all adults calling children twats. Its ridiculous.

I've seen threads discuss this on here before.
It seems "twat" is used differently by different people. I can't remember if it was a geographical difference or age group or what, but for some, the word "twat" is used the same as "twit" / "idiot" / "being silly", but I have learned from MN that there are people who think it is a lot more offensive than that.

I haven't used the word on here myself, but if I did write "twat" then it would be describing someone who was being silly, and nothing more offensive that that. Potentially the people who have used it, use it in the same way that I - and I know from the other thread - many, many other people use the word, and not the way some of you have interpreted it ?

He’s a young kid- kids pull faces. I know plenty of adults who pull silly faces in photos (me included). I would explain the situation to him fully but for family to rather not have him in photos is very sad. I can’t really understand what they are getting so upset about - in a way it’s part of what makes him himself! It’s a funny face, not some disgusting/offensive behaviour.

Silly faces in photos drive me round the bend!

It's slang for a women's genitals. I don't know where you live, but it doesn't pass the 'can I say this word at school?' test where I live.

He'd been doing it for seven or eight years. To be point that he's only once not been ejected from the school class photo. And the only time he was on it was when he'd been brought to tears so unable to pull a face.

In four decades of teaching I have not known a child have to be removed from sitting with the rest of his class for the class photo. Yet it's happened to him apx five times.

This is not just a kid being a kid. This is a problem that needs sorting for his sake.

Sorry but he needs to learn that he is not that funny at all.
People are fed up with it. He’s ten not two.

However, as he seems to be stuck, I would try a different approach and I would practice it with him repeatedly until he can do it. I would get him to be an actor.
For example
Be in Jurassic Park and the T. rex is coming- look scared. Really really scared.
Now you’re rescued - relax, deep breath, look happy.

Does he like Harry Potter? Ron vomits up slugs after a spell goes wrong. Do Ron’s expression. Now do his friends who are watching. Now do Ron when it stops. Still sick? Relieved? Sweaty? Embarrassed?

And repeat. Use whatever films or programmes he likes. Get him to act every thing. Photograph him all the time, until he’s used to it. Maybe make a gallery on the fridge.

When you take the next family group, give him his rôle. Be Tim Peake giving a talk at a school. Be (any goalkeeper) who saved the match. Proud? Happy?

Ignore silly behaviour. Reward co-operation. It’s a valuable life lesson.

Exactly he was being a total idiot

@Americano75 - you have reiterated my point.

That is how you use it, but that certainly isn't universal.

I remember being very surprised on several threads in the past when people have got worked up about another poster using it, and it comes out time and time again it has a very different meaning to different people.

I’d say it’s a nervous thing. I don’t enjoy having my photo taken. I’m ok looking but a father who ridiculed my appearance from a young age, being reared before mobile phones and selfies means I’m very self conscious of how I look. I don’t like posing for or looking at photos of myself. The bit between someone suggesting a photo and the photo being taken seems to last forever. During this time I start thinking oh god I bet my mouth will be open in this photo and sure enough I start nervous chattering and it’s yet another photo of me with my mouth open. I’m amazed at people who enjoy photos. I have relations and friends who would practically knock you over to get in front of the camera. I hate that I’m not a mum who does selfies and family photography sessions but
I just don’t enjoy it. Don’t be harsh on your son.

Really? It's interesting how it's not an insult you hear pre watershed though, isn't it? I'd have thought that might be a good enough indicator that it's not an appropriate word to use to describe a child but there you go.

He's got a problem. He's old enough to pull himself out of it. Until then, it's understandable that people don't want him ruining photos.

@Americano75 where I'm from twat = rude, obnoxious which I think is fairly accurate in this situation although prob not nice to be calling children any names!

Agree with posters who have said silly faces in photos can make them happy, but not in every single photo ever. There also comes a time where you just need / want everyone in the photo to smile and be normal! I can guarantee when the child grows up they will hate looking back on every photo ever taken of them for 10 years and will wonder why their parents didn't insist on stopping it!

So now he knows folk do not find his pulling faces funny and that they do not want photos with him gurning away.

only he knew that already, because he’s been pulled out of numerous school photos, because he won’t behave.

so it seems like he just doesn’t care.

Round here twat = prat, plonker etc.
quite normal to talk about someone tatting around.

it’s not rude at all

YANBU. Poor thing is probably nervous being photographed and he’s a kid not a robot. A family photo with a 10 year old being himself would be very low on my list of things to be horrified or pearl clutching about. He could become a bit embarrassed looking at those photos as an adult though. Wouldn’t hurt to get some practice in getting used to photos in where he’s just still or smiling.

Thanks @Confusion101 and @TrashyPanda . Exactly as it is used by so many.

Do you think you look any better pulling a goofy face?!

What you find funny and cute, everyone else will find annoying and attention seeking. Your sister did what you should have done years ago. Your Mum will finally be able to have a decent photo of her grandchildren now. Your son chose not to behave so will be missing from photo. Hopefully he will learn from this and behave properly in future. Stop laughing at him and giving him bad attention. Start telling him he is being stupid and annoying and no-one wants him in photo unless he stops making silly faces.

yes you are right. Maybe it is linked to OCD, adhd or could he be autistic?