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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sister threw DS out of the photo

1000 replies

HellMc · 18/08/2022 15:03

My DS (10) has always pulled silly faces in photos, he’s done it since he was a toddler. We tried getting him to stop but it’s like he can’t help himself so we just got on with it. We assumed if we didn’t make a fuss out of it he’s grow out of it but he didn’t. All of his school photos have silly faces etc and now we just laugh. The only photos we have of him not doing a silly face are the natural ones he didn’t know we were taking.

Anyway yesterday me, DS, sister, her kids and my other sisters son went on a day out a national heritage site. Sister wanted a group photo of all the kids so they all stood together in front of the ruins. Sister then said to DS “either stop pulling faces or stand over there out of the photo” 😱 it came as a shock as everyone was laughing at him initially and then she suddenly got mad. I told her I thought she was being a bit harsh and she said “sorry but I’ve been trying to take a nice photo of them all all day for mum and he’s ruined every one so far”.

I told DS to just this once not pull a face but he continued doing so so sister told him to get out of shot. She then took the photo of the other kids and said “there, finally mum will have a photo for her wall”.

so I said mum would want all the kids together so she said “actually, mum told me to take the pic without your ds if he insisted on pulling a face, she was annoyed with the last lot of photos I took her because he’d ruined them all.

I feel hurt, not just about my sister but also what my mum (his grandma!) has clearly been saying!!

AIBu to feel hurt at DS being excluded from a family photo that is destined for my mums wall??

OP posts:
BenjiLove · 18/08/2022 22:30

People calling a ten year old a twat??? Honestly. His crime is being silly in photos probably to cover up some awkwardness...and you lot are all adults calling children twats. Its ridiculous. Tell the kid to stop but its really not the end of the world. If granny doesn't want a photo of her grandson pulling a funny face then granny needs to get some perspective. It's a funny face. He's not bloody putting his middle finger up or anything. People can be so frigging uptight.

Also I joined MN as a website for mums to come on to get support, empathy - but it seems to have turned into a place where a mum comes on looking for advice and everyone just dogpiles on them making them feel even worse.

Honestly I'd take spending the afternoon with OP and her son over some of you any day of the week.

Americano75 · 18/08/2022 22:31

Fucking hell, calling a ten year old a twat? How disgusting.

Liorae · 18/08/2022 22:36

ApiratesaysYarrr · 18/08/2022 21:43

I wonder how "quirky" it will be when the OP's son can't get a passport because he "can't help" pulling a face in the photo, so that family holiday abroad will not be an option.

He was able to help it when his father gave him a bollicking. I strongly suspect he'll be able to help it for the next family photo his aunt takes as well.

ddl1 · 18/08/2022 22:38

Dalaidramailama · 18/08/2022 22:21

@Hesma

Always one twat in the family I guess. 😂

He's not a twat. He's a child, being silly. If one wants to be really harsh, maybe even being naughty. But certainly not a twat.

stillvicarinatutu · 18/08/2022 22:39

Has anyone asked him why he does it ?

Or shown him how to not pull a face ?

What faces does he pull ? My son as asd and couldn't smile for photos for years - if he tried he looked like someone of Wallace and grommet....

CheeseyToasts · 18/08/2022 22:43

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aSofaNearYou · 18/08/2022 22:45

BenjiLove · 18/08/2022 22:30

People calling a ten year old a twat??? Honestly. His crime is being silly in photos probably to cover up some awkwardness...and you lot are all adults calling children twats. Its ridiculous. Tell the kid to stop but its really not the end of the world. If granny doesn't want a photo of her grandson pulling a funny face then granny needs to get some perspective. It's a funny face. He's not bloody putting his middle finger up or anything. People can be so frigging uptight.

Also I joined MN as a website for mums to come on to get support, empathy - but it seems to have turned into a place where a mum comes on looking for advice and everyone just dogpiles on them making them feel even worse.

Honestly I'd take spending the afternoon with OP and her son over some of you any day of the week.

There are a few posters (yourself included) trying to make it look like everyone on this thread who agrees that he should stop doing this and the grandmother is reasonable to not like it is calling him a twat or similar. That's not the case. A few posters have crossed a line and insulted him to that degree, most have not.

ludocris · 18/08/2022 22:45

Many people manage to be neither.

That may be true in real life but it's not true for this thread.

PeekAtYou · 18/08/2022 22:48

He told his mum he does it because it's funny.

I've never heard of a child being removed from
the class photo every year (bar one ) because he won't stop being silly in front of the camera.

99redballoonsgobyy · 18/08/2022 22:48

Arnt there apps now that can put a smile on people's unsmiling faces on photos? if so can anyone recommend a good one? as said earlier my teen dd is an absolute nightmare and always has been. she always looks like she's been given the death sentence in photos she so fkin miserable. she takes lovely smiley selfies with her mates though on their phones as her friend has shown me some so she can smile just not for me. all I want is one nice family photo that I can frame with everyone smiling.Ive lost my shit with her a few times over it but it just makes her worse. I always tell her she'll regret it when she's older that there are no decent family portraits but she says she doesn't care she's not interested in family pictures.

ddl1 · 18/08/2022 22:49

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Silly. Or, if they're feeling really cross, naughty. He's being silly; perhaps even being naughty; but not a twat!

Sometimeswinning · 18/08/2022 22:49

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Your definition of a twat is a 10yo not smiling for a photo? Do you think you overreact to situations like this often?

BenjiLove · 18/08/2022 22:51

@aSofaNearYou I didn't say anything of the sort. I questioned the people calling a young child a twat. I also said I thought grandma is being a bit uptight about not wanting silly pictures on her wall. That's mu opinion. I would rather have pictures of my family doing silly faces than cut someone out but each to their own. I didn't say anywhere in my post that everyone was calling him names...just I read a few posts of completely inappropriate language about a kid and I was just commenting on that.

ddl1 · 18/08/2022 22:52

Sometimeswinning · 18/08/2022 22:49

Your definition of a twat is a 10yo not smiling for a photo? Do you think you overreact to situations like this often?

Show quote history

To be fair, it's not just not smiling; it's pulling funny faces. A bit different. But still, not deserving of being called a twat!

whoopsnomore · 18/08/2022 22:54

Jeez, he will soon learn that not everyone thinks his "funny" behaviour is cute and charming. In the meantime, "OK, now we've done the funny face photos, let's do the nice smiley ones for grandma" -
I always do a series to relax the kids (and adults) - look really angry, look really spaced out, look really bonkers, look really happy, say "hey", say "supercalifragilistic" , etc, to relax and take the pressure off the "posed happy pics", then by the end everyone is just laughing happily and naturally

aSofaNearYou · 18/08/2022 22:56

BenjiLove · 18/08/2022 22:51

@aSofaNearYou I didn't say anything of the sort. I questioned the people calling a young child a twat. I also said I thought grandma is being a bit uptight about not wanting silly pictures on her wall. That's mu opinion. I would rather have pictures of my family doing silly faces than cut someone out but each to their own. I didn't say anywhere in my post that everyone was calling him names...just I read a few posts of completely inappropriate language about a kid and I was just commenting on that.

You said "you lot are all"

I'm not picking on you specifically but there have been a fair few comments at this point exaggerating how many people are insulting the boy rather than just saying they agree this is bad behaviour.

Chasingclouds100 · 18/08/2022 22:58

kateandme · 18/08/2022 21:02

Show him the episode of friends where chandler can’t take a photo

Love this!

TheNoodlesIncident · 18/08/2022 23:00

I don't understand how he can possibly think it's funny still? He's been asked to smile nicely (or just not pull faces) in class photos, not complied and been made to sit out. Plus the one he was in he looked tearful but managed to not make a stupid face. So he's been pulled up on this in school every year and no doubt told by his teacher to stop messing around and behave. Yet, he still does it and still thinks it's funny. Just... HOW?

Then you say he wouldn't comply with instructions for the passport photos. Was he still thinking it was funny when he understood that the expression has to be neutral for passports, and anything else is unacceptable? He didn't think it was funny when he was getting a bollocking in the supermarket, and yet he STILL thought it would be a good laugh doing it again in his aunt's photos for his grandmother? Why doesn't he comprehend it isn't funny, after all that?

I don't know whether he needs some intervention from a child psychologist, but I think I'd be looking for advice on how to deal with it, so he can start presenting himself with a normal expression and feel comfortable with it.

RinskeD · 18/08/2022 23:04

stillvicarinatutu · 18/08/2022 22:39

Has anyone asked him why he does it ?

Or shown him how to not pull a face ?

What faces does he pull ? My son as asd and couldn't smile for photos for years - if he tried he looked like someone of Wallace and grommet....

Just read op’s post and you will see that he says that he does it because he thinks it’s funny. And has no additional needs…

Chasingclouds100 · 18/08/2022 23:08

HellMc · 18/08/2022 20:41

Some people on here are fucking awful. Have a go at me all you want but stop calling a child a twat, dick etc etc, there’s no need for it. You should be ashamed of yourselves

Ignore those people that are being vile they are unfit to be called human!

SwapPlaces · 18/08/2022 23:09

I think it must be incredibly annoying. I can completely understand your sister’s exasperation and getting him to stand aside but some of the things being said about a 10 year old child are awful.

It must be hard OP especially if he is otherwise a good boy. I think talking to him away from the event about why it upsets people and though it might be a joke to him it’s not to others and appealing to that part of him that wants to strive for your approval is a good place to start.

Cigent · 18/08/2022 23:13

HellMc · 18/08/2022 20:41

Some people on here are fucking awful. Have a go at me all you want but stop calling a child a twat, dick etc etc, there’s no need for it. You should be ashamed of yourselves

Absolutely agree, OP.

I did vote YABU because he does need to be sat down and told seriously that the faces can't continue and aren't funny, but it's hardly a crime. He's just a child who's learning, and this is a lesson for him.

The desire of posters on here to attack a little boy is pathetic.

Americano75 · 18/08/2022 23:17

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Such a shame about your lack of vocabulary.

Tee20x · 18/08/2022 23:18

YABU at 10 he should be able to control himself for the few seconds it takes to take a photo. Your sister warned him what would happen if he didn't stop, so he was thrown out. You yourself have refused to take photos, and haven't had school group photos as he is thrown out of them too. So clearly this is less of a sister issue and more of a you and your son issue.

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 18/08/2022 23:22

Wow. So many people definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Is it the heat or water shortage that’s causing all the nasty insults regarding a child?

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