Sister threw DS out of the photo

[HellMc]

My DS (10) has always pulled silly faces in photos, he’s done it since he was a toddler. We tried getting him to stop but it’s like he can’t help himself so we just got on with it. We assumed if we didn’t make a fuss out of it he’s grow out of it but he didn’t. All of his school photos have silly faces etc and now we just laugh. The only photos we have of him not doing a silly face are the natural ones he didn’t know we were taking.

Anyway yesterday me, DS, sister, her kids and my other sisters son went on a day out a national heritage site. Sister wanted a group photo of all the kids so they all stood together in front of the ruins. Sister then said to DS “either stop pulling faces or stand over there out of the photo” 😱 it came as a shock as everyone was laughing at him initially and then she suddenly got mad. I told her I thought she was being a bit harsh and she said “sorry but I’ve been trying to take a nice photo of them all all day for mum and he’s ruined every one so far”.

I told DS to just this once not pull a face but he continued doing so so sister told him to get out of shot. She then took the photo of the other kids and said “there, finally mum will have a photo for her wall”.

so I said mum would want all the kids together so she said “actually, mum told me to take the pic without your ds if he insisted on pulling a face, she was annoyed with the last lot of photos I took her because he’d ruined them all.

I feel hurt, not just about my sister but also what my mum (his grandma!) has clearly been saying!!

AIBu to feel hurt at DS being excluded from a family photo that is destined for my mums wall??

Massively annoying and you need to stop him doing it not encourage him!

There are two types of Granny in this world. Those who would prefer a picture that's missing one of their grandchildren because he wouldn't put on a pretty smile for the camera, and those that would prefer a picture with all of the kids in it, even if it makes her roll her eyes a little and say 'why does Jack always have to pull funny faces...'.

Imagine saying 'no I don't have a photo of all the children because one of them wouldn't pull a straight face, so I asked for him to be excluded'.

Unfortunately, he's now reaching an age where the consequences of his actions are going to be more clear for him. In the absence of any developmental or anxiety-related factors (for which he might need help), he is going to be held to the same standards of behaviour as his peers.

He has the choice to keep pulling faces in photos. The consequence of that is that other people may not want him in their group photos, which is entirely reasonable on their part. And yes, that includes family photos.

If that bothers him, he needs to think about what he can do differently.

Sorry @HellMc but I think you have enough very silly in allowing this crappy behaviour to continue.

You need to deal with it properly and stop pandering to your DS.

He wasn’t excluded, he was included until he refused to stop making silly faces. He had the choice to be in the photo and not pull faces or to step out and he made that decision himself. Nothing wrong with your family wanting to have a nice photo where he isn’t detracting from all of the other children by making stupid faces. He needs to learn that he can’t always be the centre of attention and that constantly playing the clown to be funny is actually going to get on other peoples nerves. At 10 years old he is old enough to start learning this and to control himself if he wants to be included in things; if he doesn’t want to control himself that’s fine, but he can’t expect other people not to be annoyed or choose not to include him in their photos.

Failing to see the big deal, he's only 10. Maybe he finds staged photo's awkward, i know i do. Op said he's a sweet boy, if this is the only silly thing he does then i think he sounds great.
He's only acting like a child because he is one. Can't believe the pile on, give Op a break ffs.

oh he's just a boy and should not be excluded. What's it matter really??

I remember with my own son and photos, he could never hold a straight face, the more you told him to smile the worse it got. He's 22 now and still doesn't take a good photo.

I was one of the 7% here that voted YNBU - it really doesn't matter and your mum should be dam well more supportive for you.

As for some of the disgusting comments on here, shame on some you, shocking. Think before your post, its a young boy for crying out loud, i say again, what's it matter. It really doesn't

@HellMc Every one came back silly so I promised him a toy if the next set came out properly.

Omg. How old was he at this point?! Anything above 4 and you're a fool. He should have been told to behave or else, not bribed to do a perfectly normal request. You're far too bloody soft. Team DH and Team Sis here all the way!

Yes that's right. He was included until he was excluded.

Fuck's sake, the kid's only ten years old. Who gives a shit if he makes a stupid face in photos?

Show him the episode of friends where chandler can’t take a photo

I don’t think you are being unreasonable
actually. He’s a child. He may, like many many others, myself included, feel extremely
uncomfortable with having his photo taken.

If my mother /sibling said to exclude one of my kids because they didn’t conform to their idea of acceptable then they’d have no pics of my kids. I celebrate your sons non-conformity and please don’t break that by forcing him to conform. He’s showing his individuality and if others can’t handle that then that’s their problem and loss.

What a bore your sister/mother is if that’s how she responds to a ten year old, just a young child still, ffs.

Just practice taking photos every day with him. He gets a small treat if he manages one that is normal.

He's 10, not a dog.

Op one thing I would say is he’s 10 now. So the act of not doing a funny face will in fact be incredibly diffult both mental and actually physically! It’s wired in now.
so take some time to practice.really get him to feel calm and safe with just doing a normal face.your literally going to have to teach him.
because the trouble is as a youngster taking a photo gradually becomes just a nothing event.we naturally smile,stay still,set our face.but he’s older now,and with that comes a level of self consciousness and awkwardness.
maybe get a whole camera roll going
could you make up a mantra word in his head.what’s his favourite toy.he could say this on the clock to himself.
it is absurd but he will actually find it quite difficult to do in the beginning,you will have to do some guiding.

He’s showing his individuality and if others can’t handle that then that’s their problem and loss.
Don't kid yourself

By choice. At 10 he is old enough to pull a straight face if he wants to be in somebody else’s photos. It’s fine to pull a silly face in his own photos but it’s not really okay in group photos. It’s okay for his extended family to want photos where everybody’s eyes aren’t immediately drawn to the same child pulling a stupid face, he’s purposefully trying to make himself the centre of attention in every photo because it’s ‘funny’ which isn’t really fair on his cousins. Why shouldn’t there be a photo on their Gran’s wall in which he’s not making sure he stands out? I’m sure she has other photos up around the house which he is in but it’s okay to want some where nobody is making a stupid face. Excluding somebody for bad behaviour is not the same as excluding them from the outset, part of being included is surely about learning to follow the normal rules and standards of behaviour expected by others. If you choose not to follow normal societal norms that’s fine, but you can’t then expect to be included in normal social occasions or events when your behaviour effects the ability of everybody else to enjoy them.

He's old enough to realise this is no longer funny just irritating for everyone.

My nephew does this. He's 6. It annoys me as I do think it ruins the photo. I usually take a couple of photos of him. If I notice the first one is silly then I tell him seriously to smile normally. He usually does. I do not think your sister's reaction was bad.

You need to get through to him that what he's doing isn't funny and he's making himself look silly. Tell him that people aren't laughing but just getting annoyed at him.

Some of these comments are harsh. Personally if that’s his Personality then I wouldn’t care if that was on a photo.

He’s maybe very uncomfortable getting his photo taken and this is how he acts out. It sounds like what my ds used to do and occasionally still does at age 25!
As a family we don’t really like getting our photo taken, it makes us all uncomfortable, so we all are either looking awkward or making silly faces.
I have a sister in law who used to take LOADS of photos at every opportunity. We don’t mind so much now but when kids were small it was a nightmare.
I feel bad for kids nowadays constantly being photographed for fb etc.

If he can’t behave sensibly even after being explicitly asked then he doesn’t get to be in other people’s photos. Lesson learned. People are getting irritated by him constantly spoiling their pictures. If he’s not told sharply now, when and how exactly is he expected to learn?

He’s showing his individuality and if others can’t handle that then that’s their problem and loss.

That's simply not true. He's simply been asked not to pull a face in a photo. Children shouldn't be allowed to do whatever they like under the guise of "showing their individuality". Sometimes everyone has to conform just for a minute.

What a bore your sister/mother is if that’s how she responds to a ten year old, just a young child still, ffs.

A 10 year old is old enough to know when they need to behave and do as he's asked.

Why does it cause huge issues in that context? With a child with SEN I would be looking into whether it is caused by anxiety, whether he has a tic, etc.

Your sister’s right, that would really piss me off too.

I don't understand why everyone thinks it is so wrong to pull a face. How dull to have rules against behaviours that aren't harming anyone and are just a bit quirky.