Sister threw DS out of the photo

[HellMc]

My DS (10) has always pulled silly faces in photos, he’s done it since he was a toddler. We tried getting him to stop but it’s like he can’t help himself so we just got on with it. We assumed if we didn’t make a fuss out of it he’s grow out of it but he didn’t. All of his school photos have silly faces etc and now we just laugh. The only photos we have of him not doing a silly face are the natural ones he didn’t know we were taking.

Anyway yesterday me, DS, sister, her kids and my other sisters son went on a day out a national heritage site. Sister wanted a group photo of all the kids so they all stood together in front of the ruins. Sister then said to DS “either stop pulling faces or stand over there out of the photo” 😱 it came as a shock as everyone was laughing at him initially and then she suddenly got mad. I told her I thought she was being a bit harsh and she said “sorry but I’ve been trying to take a nice photo of them all all day for mum and he’s ruined every one so far”.

I told DS to just this once not pull a face but he continued doing so so sister told him to get out of shot. She then took the photo of the other kids and said “there, finally mum will have a photo for her wall”.

so I said mum would want all the kids together so she said “actually, mum told me to take the pic without your ds if he insisted on pulling a face, she was annoyed with the last lot of photos I took her because he’d ruined them all.

I feel hurt, not just about my sister but also what my mum (his grandma!) has clearly been saying!!

AIBu to feel hurt at DS being excluded from a family photo that is destined for my mums wall??

When he was a toddler you laughed when he made funny faces in pictures. You still laugh that he makes funny faces in pictures. So he thinks it's funny. You need to get a handle on it. When other people laugh tell them not to because its not funny.

And I'm another autistic that is so bloody sick of mumsnetters equating bad behaviour with autism.

OMG who knew! Actions have consequences!

Do some parenting. No one apart from you has found this funny in years. Of course he can help it. Why would you encourage your child to piss everyone off. How is this helpful to him?

Probably she will use the one he already has. With his Asda photo

It can't be that he thinks it's funny. He's been threatened with consequences that have been carried out: clear communication that it isn't funny. More to the point, he exhibits real distress when forced not to do it. Plus, OP says he's well behaved apart from this so it's not that he identifies as being a clown all the time.

There's some psychological reason for it. Other posters have shared similar stories from their families.

Learn to parent

What about just telling him to grow up. Might have been funny the first few times but on school photos as well.🙄🤔

I'm about 3 pages in and I can't read anymore comments, he is a child for heaves sake. If your sister had that much of a problem she could have pulled you to one side and explained that she was trying to get a nice picture for Grandma, She didn't need to make such a scene over a damn photo. And the way some of you lot are speaking on this post is disgusting, get off your high horses.

Agree with this 100%

He was excluded because he wasn’t behaving. Why should the other kids never have a nice photo just because of him?

You should have sat down with him several years ago and read the riot act and practised the normal faces.

you’re out of order being upset with your sister for dealing with something you should have dealt with 5/6 years ago.

And how many times has that been done over the years?

Hes 10. Not 2.

He’s been kicked out of his school class photos. There are no nice pics of all the grandchildren.

She didn’t make a scene - she told him to behave or move away.

YABU. This annoys me with my 4 year old and he has now learnt to stop messing about and have 1 nice photo. It's not difficult. They can smile for 3 seconds. I'm not surprised your sister was annoyed.

So when your DS is 20 and needs to have a photo taken at work, for advertising purposes, or just a group photo, is he going to pull a silly face?
He's 10, not 1, he was asked to do something simple and wouldn't, YABU to moan about the consequences.

Just practice taking photos every day with him. He gets a small treat if he manages one that is normal. Maybe he can develop strategies like look into the distance or behind the photographer and count to 50. Get him to practice not laughing at jokes and not moving his face muscles.

my dd now a teen used to be a nightmare to get a decent photo of when she was younger I could hardly ever get her to look at the camera used to drive me insane I have hardly any decent photos of her when she was little because of it. now she's a teen she's gone even worse and doesn't fkin smile she looks so bloody miserable on every single photo I take of her always shes drove me mad with photos. I think the more you go on at them to smile or pose the worse they behave and no chance of getting a decent picture.

He's 10!! Not a toddler so should be perfectly able to follow an instruction to behave for a photo. If he can't, why should a nice photo be spoiled by his ridiculous behaviour.

You really should have clamped down on this by the time he was 4/5 fgs.

Tough luck on this one I'm afraid.

I think it’s now become a thing and he is anxious about it. You say he is well behaved in other ways so I don’t think he is doing it deliberately. He feels self conscious and automatically reverts to the funny face plan.

We had this with one family members child, it was always, oh x doesn’t like photos! so he always looked miserable in pictures, everyone had to coax him in and then he looked fed up .
Really annoying when your elderly grandparents want you to smile for a picture of their grandchildren, ffs! it takes three seconds
I wouldn’t have tolerated it, but like the op it was allowed and made into a “thing”( a bloody annoying spoiled thing) He has no problems now he’s grown up smiling now for selfies I’ve noted on social media. Your sister was right.

@HellMc it does sound like it could be a nervous thing with him though that he probably cannot help and needs practice to stop doing it. like my dd the more you shout and tell him not to do it the more he will because of nerves. I think that's what it was with my dd anyway. she'd always look away just at the point of me pressing the shutter button. I wish camera phones were as good as they are now back then as I could've used motion photo feature and captured the moment just before she looked away. Have you tried that with your son and see if you can grab a shot from the motion photo just before he pulls the silly face?

I think you've just out-twatted anyone in the OP.

Mumsnet really needs to scrap this thread. It's incredibly spiteful.

Some people on here are fucking awful. Have a go at me all you want but stop calling a child a twat, dick etc etc, there’s no need for it. You should be ashamed of yourselves

some people are being incredibly mean on this thread he is still only a child at 10. my dd has always been a nightmare to get decent photos of. Unfortunately not all of us have Instagram perfect posing kids.

“I don’t find it funny at all, I was laughing along with the others yesterday as I felt awkward and embarrassed. I didn’t want to cause a scene.”

So you don’t put your foot down because you’re one of those mothers who are awkward and embarrassed but clearly not so embarrassed that you are prepared to let your son dick about pissing other people off. I bet you’re one of those women who meekly say in a weak voice ‘that’s not kind Tarquin…’ and Tarquin takes no notice and continues to be an absolute twat. Ugh. Stop with the fake laughing and sensitivity about ‘making a scene’ and just parent your kid. 🙄

Were I the OP I would have then taken another photo of all the children, son included, just to annoy the sister and to make sure mother had a photo of all her grandchildren!