Page 29 | Sister threw DS out of the photo

HellMc · 2022-08-18T14:03:25+00:00

My DS (10) has always pulled silly faces in photos, he’s done it since he was a toddler. We tried getting him to stop but it’s like he can’t help himself so we just got on with it. We assumed if we didn’t make a fuss out of it he’s grow out of it but he didn’t. All of his school photos have silly faces etc and now we just laugh. The only photos we have of him not doing a silly face are the natural ones he didn’t know we were taking. Anyway yesterday me, DS, sister, her kids and my other sisters son went on a day out a national heritage site. Sister wanted a group photo of all the kids so they all stood together in front of the ruins. Sister then said to DS “either stop pulling faces or stand over there out of the photo” 😱 it came as a shock as everyone was laughing at him initially and then she suddenly got mad. I told her I thought she was being a bit harsh and she said “sorry but I’ve been trying to take a nice photo of them all all day for mum and he’s ruined every one so far”. I told DS to just this once not pull a face but he continued doing so so sister told him to get out of shot. She then took the photo of the other kids and said “there, finally mum will have a photo for her wall”. so I said mum would want all the kids together so she said “actually, mum told me to take the pic without your ds if he insisted on pulling a face, she was annoyed with the last lot of photos I took her because he’d ruined them all. I feel hurt, not just about my sister but also what my mum (his grandma!) has clearly been saying!! AIBu to feel hurt at DS being excluded from a family photo that is destined for my mums wall??

SleepingAgent · 18/08/2022 21:16

HellMc · 18/08/2022 16:09

I’ve asked him why he does it and he says it’s because it’s funny. When I’ve told him other people don’t like it he gets defensive and upset

So let him get upset. That's how he will learn!

Parents who refuse to let their children hear "no" or experience consequences or even to have difficult emotions without being instantly soothed and indulged in their behaviour are not doing their kids or the rest of the world who has to deal with them any favours.

LoveMeForARaisin · 18/08/2022 21:18

Wow we really don’t like males here, do we? Even the small ones.

fairly sure the annoying dancing niece wasn’t called all the annoying pricks under the sun.

CheeseyToasts · 18/08/2022 21:19

LoveMeForARaisin · 18/08/2022 21:18

Wow we really don’t like males here, do we? Even the small ones.

fairly sure the annoying dancing niece wasn’t called all the annoying pricks under the sun.

She definitely was

She was called annoying, an idiot the lot

contrary13 · 18/08/2022 21:20

'@ReneBumsWombats - "If she's still doing it in her 70s and did it in your wedding photos, she's clearly not just doing it for shits and giggles. Like the OP's son, there's some psychological reason."

Not my weding photos... her (my parents') wedding photos. She's there, in a beautiful dress, next to a handsome groom who was totally in love with her, their parents on either side of them... and her tongue prominantly displayed. I've asked her why. She says "why not?" and that it's defensive. And yes, you're right - we could airbrush the images... but why should I have to spend hours so doing? There are, actially, no photos of me with my mother growing up for just this reason. My daughter's 18th, my son's prom... both refused to be photographed with her because of her tongue poking out issue.

I accept it's her "go to" mechanism, but at what cost to her?

LoveMeForARaisin · 18/08/2022 21:21

There was nowhere near as much. There was a lot of “oh how dare she be criticised in her own house”

this is a ten year old child making a silly face in a photograph. Perspective.

saraclara · 18/08/2022 21:24

dudsville · 18/08/2022 21:15

I don't understand why everyone thinks it is so wrong to pull a face. How dull to have rules against behaviours that aren't harming anyone and are just a bit quirky.

The photos are not for him or for OP. They're for a grandparent, or a passport photo, or a school class photo.

The others in the group photos are entitled to have a photo that they can enjoy. Not one where it's impossible to ignore the person pulling a really stupid face. And the passport photo is vital if the family want to go abroad. So his behaviour does harm or upset others.

I'm one of the few saying that this is an anxiety issue, rather than him having an actual laugh. But it still needs addressing, for the sake of others, and for his own relationships with those who at present are getting completely fed up of him.

Indulging 'quirkiness' in this sort if situation does a child no favours, socially.
And at worst, if he is doing it on purpose, he's being encouraged to develop narcissistic tendencies. Because he'll think that no-one else matters.

Wouldloveanother · 18/08/2022 21:24

I celebrate your sons non-conformity

😂

Thatboymum · 18/08/2022 21:25

Good on your sister maybe you should take a leaf out her book and stop humouring this immature behaviour from a 10yo who can do better for 3 seconds and do as he’s asked by an adult, it’s not remotely cute or funny beyond the age of about 4/5 it’s irritating and I think his dad was quite rite to be cross when he had his passport ones done because he showed him consequences to actions and you just showed him he can do what he wants cause he got a bit sad

SleepingAgent · 18/08/2022 21:26

djdkdkddkek · 18/08/2022 16:22

Total only child syndrome

Oh sod off. I have an only who is very well behaved and not indulged. All of my friends with single kids are the same. We don't stand for it.

The most "attention seeking" annoying kids I know are the 3/4th ones in large families who play up to get seen and heard.

Spacemonkey2016 · 18/08/2022 21:27

I voted YANBU. My son is only 5 but he does this. I mean, it is bloody annoying. I can normally make a deal with DS that he has to smile for one photo, then he can stick his tongue out for the rest if he must. I think it's a phase, he used to do peace signs for every photo when he was 3 (copied from an older cousin!) I was actually fully expecting his class photo to come home with his tongue showing, but he managed a perfect smile for that one!

But I think your Mum is out of order if she'd rather your son not be in the picture, than have one with him in being silly. I mean, he's 10, not 20, and it's just his tongue, not his middle finger. And he's her grandson.

ddl1 · 18/08/2022 21:28

There aren't only the two choices, to force a smile for the camera or to pull a silly face. Could he be encouraged for the time being to look as neutral as possible? For passport photographs, this is in fact preferred. I agree that he shouldn't be pulling faces at his age and must accept consequences if he does so against instructions; but maybe the pressure to smile is having the wrong effect.

ReneBumsWombats · 18/08/2022 21:28

contrary13 · 18/08/2022 21:20

'@ReneBumsWombats - "If she's still doing it in her 70s and did it in your wedding photos, she's clearly not just doing it for shits and giggles. Like the OP's son, there's some psychological reason."

Not my weding photos... her (my parents') wedding photos. She's there, in a beautiful dress, next to a handsome groom who was totally in love with her, their parents on either side of them... and her tongue prominantly displayed. I've asked her why. She says "why not?" and that it's defensive. And yes, you're right - we could airbrush the images... but why should I have to spend hours so doing? There are, actially, no photos of me with my mother growing up for just this reason. My daughter's 18th, my son's prom... both refused to be photographed with her because of her tongue poking out issue.

I accept it's her "go to" mechanism, but at what cost to her?

Sorry, I realised after I posted that I'd got that wrong. The point still stands though. It does cost her, a lot. I can't believe she is prepared to pay that cost because "why not?". There is clearly some psychological issue there.

I don't know exactly what she's defensive about, but there's no way she's removing herself from family history like this because she thinks it's cute or not a big deal. Same with OP's son, who is reduced to tears if he has to do a normal photo.

ludocris · 18/08/2022 21:38

If you choose not to follow normal societal norms that’s fine, but you can’t then expect to be included in normal social occasions or events when your behaviour effects the ability of everybody else to enjoy them.

Because you pull silly faces in photos? Bore off.

saraclara · 18/08/2022 21:38

But I think your Mum is out of order if she'd rather your son not be in the picture, than have one with him in being silly. I mean, he's 10, not 20, and it's just his tongue, not his middle finger. And he's her grandson.

Maybe she wants one, just one photo of her other grandchildren where they are not overshadowed by the one making a really stupid face. And maybe the other grandchildren deserve to have a photo together where he's not ruining it. He really isn't the only person who matters here.

And again, in saying that as a rare poster who has sympathy with his apparent anxiety/defensive behaviour. His needs still don't get to override everyone else's for the seven years (so far) that he's been spoiling family and school photos.

SwedeCarrotLime · 18/08/2022 21:41

saraclara · 18/08/2022 21:38

But I think your Mum is out of order if she'd rather your son not be in the picture, than have one with him in being silly. I mean, he's 10, not 20, and it's just his tongue, not his middle finger. And he's her grandson.

Maybe she wants one, just one photo of her other grandchildren where they are not overshadowed by the one making a really stupid face. And maybe the other grandchildren deserve to have a photo together where he's not ruining it. He really isn't the only person who matters here.

And again, in saying that as a rare poster who has sympathy with his apparent anxiety/defensive behaviour. His needs still don't get to override everyone else's for the seven years (so far) that he's been spoiling family and school photos.

Well said.

Iusyje · 18/08/2022 21:41

Surely the child pulling faces is his personality. Why isn't that worth documenting in the family pictures? Your Sister and GM are being VU. And if it were me, I'd feel hurt that my own mother is talking negatively about my son behind my back and lacking the sense to speak to me directly. YANBU.

Crazycrazylady · 18/08/2022 21:42

Incredibly irritating. I absolutely guarantee that the people who's birthday/holidays/team/school photos he spoils by making stupid faces are all super irritated by him.
Clearly your family have discussed it . At 10 he should be able to restrain himself .

ApiratesaysYarrr · 18/08/2022 21:43

I wonder how "quirky" it will be when the OP's son can't get a passport because he "can't help" pulling a face in the photo, so that family holiday abroad will not be an option.

Cherryana · 18/08/2022 21:43

In over 12 years as part of this community this is the first time I really think this thread should be pulled.

The parenting judgement and pile on to a 10 year old boy is absolutely disgusting and awful to witness. Thank goodness for the few who are able to show compassion and look for some understanding.

SoupDragon · 18/08/2022 21:43

he's 10, not 20

He's 10 not 2.

crimesagainstwine · 18/08/2022 21:44

We have 12 DGC (aged 2 to 20) - one of them always does this (he is 8) - it is so annoying and makes him look idiotic. He is an absolutely lovely DGS - clever, witty, kind and loving but ever single time we do pics (group shots or individual ones) he acts like an a total clown. We don't bother anymore. His DPs think it's normal eight-year-old behaviour and is an endearing trait and cute. Reader it is not.

SoupDragon · 18/08/2022 21:44

Iusyje · 18/08/2022 21:41

Surely the child pulling faces is his personality. Why isn't that worth documenting in the family pictures? Your Sister and GM are being VU. And if it were me, I'd feel hurt that my own mother is talking negatively about my son behind my back and lacking the sense to speak to me directly. YANBU.

Because he is ruining passport photos and class photos for other people.

Americano75 · 18/08/2022 21:47

Cherryana · 18/08/2022 21:43

In over 12 years as part of this community this is the first time I really think this thread should be pulled.

The parenting judgement and pile on to a 10 year old boy is absolutely disgusting and awful to witness. Thank goodness for the few who are able to show compassion and look for some understanding.

I have to agree.

ReneBumsWombats · 18/08/2022 21:48

ApiratesaysYarrr · 18/08/2022 21:43

I wonder how "quirky" it will be when the OP's son can't get a passport because he "can't help" pulling a face in the photo, so that family holiday abroad will not be an option.

Good question. I don't know. Anyone?

MichelleScarn · 18/08/2022 21:48

Iusyje · 18/08/2022 21:41

Surely the child pulling faces is his personality. Why isn't that worth documenting in the family pictures? Your Sister and GM are being VU. And if it were me, I'd feel hurt that my own mother is talking negatively about my son behind my back and lacking the sense to speak to me directly. YANBU.

So people can be rude and annoying and ruin and dominate things- like a family photo, but if 'it's their personality' it's all fine?