Sister threw DS out of the photo

[HellMc]

My DS (10) has always pulled silly faces in photos, he’s done it since he was a toddler. We tried getting him to stop but it’s like he can’t help himself so we just got on with it. We assumed if we didn’t make a fuss out of it he’s grow out of it but he didn’t. All of his school photos have silly faces etc and now we just laugh. The only photos we have of him not doing a silly face are the natural ones he didn’t know we were taking.

Anyway yesterday me, DS, sister, her kids and my other sisters son went on a day out a national heritage site. Sister wanted a group photo of all the kids so they all stood together in front of the ruins. Sister then said to DS “either stop pulling faces or stand over there out of the photo” 😱 it came as a shock as everyone was laughing at him initially and then she suddenly got mad. I told her I thought she was being a bit harsh and she said “sorry but I’ve been trying to take a nice photo of them all all day for mum and he’s ruined every one so far”.

I told DS to just this once not pull a face but he continued doing so so sister told him to get out of shot. She then took the photo of the other kids and said “there, finally mum will have a photo for her wall”.

so I said mum would want all the kids together so she said “actually, mum told me to take the pic without your ds if he insisted on pulling a face, she was annoyed with the last lot of photos I took her because he’d ruined them all.

I feel hurt, not just about my sister but also what my mum (his grandma!) has clearly been saying!!

AIBu to feel hurt at DS being excluded from a family photo that is destined for my mums wall??

How nice.

Nope

I find the attempts to pathologise or medicalise poor behaviour really quite concerning (and I have a child with SEN who has had an EHCP since he was three so I need no lessons in the importance of early intervention).

The overwhelming likelihood is that this is a silly child with a permissive, indulgent parent.

Ah, you're whichever birth number is known to produce people who make up stupid and insulting crap about birth order.

Sorry, I don't do that or I'm sure I could think up something suitably risible.

What a ridiculous response 🤦‍♀️

Surely you can practice a straight face. Every breakfast each child puts on their photo face for all of say 3 seconds.

I'm with the 94%

If this were a new thing - I might look at it differently.
If he were 3 - I might look at it differently.
But you have laughed at his photos when he has done this for 8 (?) years.

Your sister was right. She had tried several times, then she clearly warned him, then she followed through with the consequence. Maybe visiting Granny and seeing siblings / cousins all on the mantlepiece without him in it might make him realise that is the consequence. (Fairly sure, over 10 years, Granny is likely to have other photos of him too).

I also agree with your dh's approach over the passport photos rather than yours.

Precious First Born (PFB) is an expression popularised by MN and regularly used and listed as an acronym

He needs to know that he is not being funny - he is being annoying and making himself look stupid.
hes 10. High time he started doing what he is told.
your sister was quite right - it showed him the consequence of his arsing around and emphasised that he is not funny or clever and nobody wants to see his silly faces.

Yes, I know. It's still ridiculous, insulting and not very clever to infer from the fact that the kid has a problem with photos that he must be an only child.

My apologies. You can have your money back.

I'm not medicalising him. But I taught kids with emotional and behavioural difficulties for some years, and hiding anxiety by acting like an idiot, is INCREDIBLY common (especially in boys).

I still find it odd that this boy is well behaved in every other situation except having his photo taken. So I find it easier to believe that there's an anxiety issue around photos, than that he chooses only to behave badly for fun, when a photo is involved.

I take the point that he's asked his mum to take photos. That is odd, but could be that he's trying to practice getting it right?

I don't know, but I think this thread is absolutely awful with regard to the language people are using about a ten year old, and a complete lack of interest in considering why he's doing this.

It sounds like he is anxious and doesn’t know what to do with his face when being photographed. Try different options until you find something that works e.g. saying cheese, sausages, etc. Keep it relaxed and use trial and error until you find that works.

Why would you say that when the OP has said that he's constantly asking her to take his photo?

Well I would say that calling a child that you don’t even know irritating extremely rude actually!!!!!!

The comment amused me 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't know, but I think this thread is absolutely awful with regard to the language people are using about a ten year old, and a complete lack of interest in considering why he's doing this.

I agree.

It’s just a photo! I think it’s bizarre that anyone could be annoyed with a ten year old for pulling a face!!

it isn't just a photo - it is every photo since he was a toddler.

It is totally selfish, all the people who want to be in a nice photo have to pander to this child. It is attention seeking 'look at me being so funny'.
And all the nonsense from some pps about smiling for photo being weird and unnatural. There can't be anything much more contrived and unnatural as pulling a silly face, you have to contort your face into an unnatural expression (eactly like those awful pouty face photos). Human beings naturally smile, they don't naturally gurn.

It's a ridiculous leap to suggest the kid is going to turn into a rapist. But not ridiculous to suggest he'll probably turn into one of those people who stand behind news reporters sticking their tongue out and giving the finger - and all the viewers say 'look at that complete tit'.

Goodness, yes to all the people that are saying the same as me. He is too old for this, he should have learned actions have consequences long before this episode, you have indulged him so far, found it funny, not stopped it, and now huge upset because he has been excluded from future photographs.

my DS hates photos, he’s 28 and struggles with embarrassment to smile falsely as he says, but he forces a smile, I know it’s not genuine but he does it and always has, yours will be doing rabbit ears and sticking his tongue out at 28 unless you have a serious conversation, it doesn’t need to be a hard one but stop indulging his infantile behaviour.

I completely agree!! This is a child we are talking about for goodness sakes! Some of you should be ashamed of yourselves!!!

I was going to say YANBU assuming your child was 4 or something - at 10, no they should know better unless there is some developmental issues

DNephew would make faces for photos - he hated his red hair - does he have a feature he could be self-conscious about?

ah, OP, I think you've done him a real disservice here, letting this go on so long. Perhaps tell him that, that you take responsibility for this one - it is akin to letting him eat with his fingers in a restaurant or to pee at the side of the road (he might find that funny and see how it is not appropriate) - and that it is now time for you both to take care of this once and for all. it is not funny, nor cute - he's 10! So now time for an agreement going forward.

I'd tell him that - to help him with this one - from now on there will be one try and if funny face shows up, camera goes away or he does. Don't continue to engage beyond the rules - it is just encouraging it.

Good luck.

It's an odd one OP.
It really depends if it's can't or won't doesn't it? And given the extreme persistence of the problem, and also happening in school photos, it sounds like it might be a can't.

Looking happy when you're not requires acting skills. Not being comfortable in front of a camera doesn't mean telling him off and excluding him won't make him more unhappy though, obviously. And risks making him more nervous and making the problem go on longer, so I can understand why you've put off making a big deal of it and hoped it would just go away naturally.

Sounds like it's time for a serious talk with him though, find out what's going on and see if you can find a way to sort out the problem together. Could you tell him not to try to smile? maybe if he just has a neutral face that would be better than what's currently happening.

My friend still does this! I wish his mother would have told him to pack it in when he was a kid.