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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sister threw DS out of the photo

1000 replies

HellMc · 18/08/2022 15:03

My DS (10) has always pulled silly faces in photos, he’s done it since he was a toddler. We tried getting him to stop but it’s like he can’t help himself so we just got on with it. We assumed if we didn’t make a fuss out of it he’s grow out of it but he didn’t. All of his school photos have silly faces etc and now we just laugh. The only photos we have of him not doing a silly face are the natural ones he didn’t know we were taking.

Anyway yesterday me, DS, sister, her kids and my other sisters son went on a day out a national heritage site. Sister wanted a group photo of all the kids so they all stood together in front of the ruins. Sister then said to DS “either stop pulling faces or stand over there out of the photo” 😱 it came as a shock as everyone was laughing at him initially and then she suddenly got mad. I told her I thought she was being a bit harsh and she said “sorry but I’ve been trying to take a nice photo of them all all day for mum and he’s ruined every one so far”.

I told DS to just this once not pull a face but he continued doing so so sister told him to get out of shot. She then took the photo of the other kids and said “there, finally mum will have a photo for her wall”.

so I said mum would want all the kids together so she said “actually, mum told me to take the pic without your ds if he insisted on pulling a face, she was annoyed with the last lot of photos I took her because he’d ruined them all.

I feel hurt, not just about my sister but also what my mum (his grandma!) has clearly been saying!!

AIBu to feel hurt at DS being excluded from a family photo that is destined for my mums wall??

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 18/08/2022 18:08

TrashPandas · 18/08/2022 17:40

A quick google confirms that anxiety at having one's photo taken is a very real thing. Pretty much a phobia.

But he can do it when he's told off instead of indulged. Try that technique with someone who has an a phobia and see how far you get.

And he's always asking for his photo to be taken and to be in photos. That isn't a kid with a phobia

Johnnysgirl · 18/08/2022 18:08

ReneBumsWombats · 18/08/2022 18:01

There is clearly something deeper than "annoying prick" (what a lovely way to describe a child) if he would rather keep pulling faces even when it gets him thrown out of pictures he wants to be in and he knows he'll get into trouble for doing it, and he can't do it without weeping.

Whether a phobia or something else, I don't know, but he's obviously not doing it because he loves winding people up or doesn't care about the consequences or truly thinks it's funny. He's well behaved in general. Something is up.

He's doing it because his adoring Mummy finds it amusing and laughs when ordering yet another school photo of Wonderboy pulling a stupid face.
She even reinforced this at her sisters photo taking by asking him if he'd not pull a face "just this once".
So many posters determined that this behaviour is a sign of deep seated neurosis.

ddl1 · 18/08/2022 18:08

Could it be that he actually WANTS to be excluded from photos, so has set himself up for this?

MissyB1 · 18/08/2022 18:09

Johnnysgirl · 18/08/2022 18:08

He's doing it because his adoring Mummy finds it amusing and laughs when ordering yet another school photo of Wonderboy pulling a stupid face.
She even reinforced this at her sisters photo taking by asking him if he'd not pull a face "just this once".
So many posters determined that this behaviour is a sign of deep seated neurosis.

Show quote history

Yep it’s probably as simple as this.

Hawkins001 · 18/08/2022 18:09

HellMc · 18/08/2022 15:11

I think he gets nervous about how to act in photos. No additional needs. He’s a very sweet boy, never in trouble at school and he doesn’t act up any other time, it’s just in photos.

I Understand peoples perspectives, at a guess it's more likely it's showing off behaviour and as people.laugh etc, it encourages him

YellowDots · 18/08/2022 18:09

Why was your response to him pulling faces in the photo booth to tell him you would buy him a toy if he didn't do it again? Confused

His reward for not pulling faces is he gets a passport and goes on holiday. And also that he doesn't get told off.

autienotnaughty · 18/08/2022 18:09

I find this really strange. It seems so easy to not pull a silly face and have a photo. And he's old enough to 'know better' yet he keeps doing it despite it upsetting him. It just feels like there's a deeper reason than him doing it for laughs or to be an arse.

My advice would be to work with him on this. Spend sometime looking in the mirror , making faces and work on a face for him to use for photos . One that may not be natural but passes as acceptable. Then practice using this face on photos until he feels comfortable with it . No negativity, no punishments and tell other family members not to mention it.

LookingOverHereAllNight · 18/08/2022 18:10

I’d exclude him to. Funny at 2, just an annoying brat at 10.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/08/2022 18:10

Again, he only has a passport photo because he cried. Phobic people cry when their fear and anxiety becomes unbearable. he'd had an almighty bollocking off Dad, threats of no toys and no holiday etc. Of course he cried. Phobic people don't constantly ask for the bad thing to happen. DS is scared of dogs. He doesn't ask to stroke them then misbehave because the dog is too near.

steff13 · 18/08/2022 18:11

saraclara · 18/08/2022 17:27

He says it’s funny, so he’s doing it deliberate

I'm not sure that he is. If he has this intense awkwardness faced with a camera, and that's why he's doing it, he might well not be able to stop doing it. GIven that he's then asked why he does it, he needs to find a reason that puts him in control (I'm making people laugh) rather than one that embarrasses him.

OP says he asks to have his picture taken. If he was feeling "intense awkwardness" around having his picture taken, it seems like he wouldn't ask to have it taken.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 18/08/2022 18:12

badbaduncle · 18/08/2022 16:26

You know those men who are 'a bit of a character' and 'that's just how he is' etc? Yeah, this is where that shit starts. Te your DS he's 10, no one finds it funny and stop encouraging him to be an attention seeking irritation

Indeed!

Johnnysgirl · 18/08/2022 18:12

and tell other family members not to mention it
Please! 😂

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 18/08/2022 18:13

absolutelyanythingwilldo · 18/08/2022 16:28

I've just read the Asda post and have come to the conclusion that this story is a load of bollocks.

It is indeed an ‘interesting first post’ (as they say)

LookItsMeAgain · 18/08/2022 18:15

I wonder if the OP is likely to come back at this point....

themimi · 18/08/2022 18:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Please remember you are talking about a child! This is disgraceful

RinskeD · 18/08/2022 18:15

You said that you laugh when he does this.
You asked him why he does it and he said because it's funny.
Not rocket science really is it?

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 18/08/2022 18:16

Why does a ‘nice photo’ have to be of them standing smiling? Why can’t it be of them all laughing together or having fun?

maybe he doesn’t like have his picture taken and that’s why he acts up. My DS can’t ever smile properly on pictures because of nerves so we get him to laugh or say something like ‘sausages’ If a family member made that comment I’d tell them to bugger off.

Bjarnum · 18/08/2022 18:16

It's about control - he has it, you don't.

aSofaNearYou · 18/08/2022 18:18

SquirrelFan · 18/08/2022 17:52

I'm surprised at all the people who think a photo without your son is better than a photo with him making a silly face. Isn't that just part of who he is right now? Surely you'd want his nan to look back on the photo in years to come and laugh about it? I really don't get why people even care! Are you all the Royal Family? Maybe you want him to stop--that's fine, try all the methods (except making him cry). I think PPS are right, and if people don't laugh, or look bored, he'll eventually stop.

Because all you see when you look at the photo, is a habit you find really irritating. It doesn't arouse fond feelings.

Obviously I'm sure any grandparent would probably prefer to have at least AN image of their grandchild, even if they're pulling a face, but by the sounds of things they already have loads of those. They wanted at least one to not remind them of this irritating habit of his.

Proudofeveryone · 18/08/2022 18:18

I blame you for not stopping it earlier.
By the age of 10 he should understand how to behave.

MyneighbourisTotoro · 18/08/2022 18:18

It seems to me your DS thinks it’s funny but hasn’t understood it’s not appropriate in all photos. It’s fine to take silly photos sometimes but he really needs to learn there’s a time and place for it and if he is asked to stop then he needs to listen.
Its upsetting to exclude him but he does need to learn and I think by laughing at it it’s only encouraging him. You need to have a gentle bit firm chat with him about it. It’s only funny when others are joining in, if it’s meant to be a more serious photo then no silly faces.

TheMadGardener · 18/08/2022 18:20

twoshedsjackson · 18/08/2022 17:53

Reaching the age of 10 may be significant. I taught that age group for many years, and as the others mature, he may find himself left behind socially.
Clowning around was often a diversionary tactic, and with younger peers, a sure-fire way of raising a laugh and gaining approval and attention, at a time in their lives when children are subtly shifting from the family to the peer group.
It was interesting to see the class jester's antics becoming increasingly frantic as the tide of public approval slowly ebbed away. I still remember the stricken look on one lad's face when one of his classmates just asked him if he could shut up and let them get on with their work. When boring old Miss shows irritation, it's a result, part of the game. But when the Football Captain finds you tiresome......
You would be doing him a favour if you could set him straight tactfully; his classmates will phrase matters far less delicately.

As someone else who's taught 10 year old for years, this comment is spot on. I bet you OP's son does see himself as the class jester, and I'm also willing to bet that pulling silly faces in school photos is not the only thing he does which irritates school staff. I've never, ever had to exclude a child from a class photo. Even the most difficult child can be made to behave for a few seconds while a photo is taken. I suspect that when his name is mentioned in the staffroom teachers sigh, instead of smiling and laughing indulgently at his antics.

VioletInsolence · 18/08/2022 18:20

It’s just a photo! I think it’s bizarre that anyone could be annoyed with a ten year old for pulling a face!!

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 18/08/2022 18:21

Its all been said already but this was so annoying to me as I read it I had to comment.

Your son has been in trouble for this multiple times at school?

You've done nothing

It's exasperated your sister and Mum to the point of snapping?

You've done nothing and in fact have started a thread in the oblivious hopes of a very different outcome.

He is clearly over indulged, is he a Precious Only or a Precious First Born?

You need to re-evaluate how your son appears to others and adjust your parenting accordingly

ReneBumsWombats · 18/08/2022 18:23

He is clearly over indulged, is he a Precious Only or a Precious First Born?

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