Sister threw DS out of the photo

[HellMc]

My DS (10) has always pulled silly faces in photos, he’s done it since he was a toddler. We tried getting him to stop but it’s like he can’t help himself so we just got on with it. We assumed if we didn’t make a fuss out of it he’s grow out of it but he didn’t. All of his school photos have silly faces etc and now we just laugh. The only photos we have of him not doing a silly face are the natural ones he didn’t know we were taking.

Anyway yesterday me, DS, sister, her kids and my other sisters son went on a day out a national heritage site. Sister wanted a group photo of all the kids so they all stood together in front of the ruins. Sister then said to DS “either stop pulling faces or stand over there out of the photo” 😱 it came as a shock as everyone was laughing at him initially and then she suddenly got mad. I told her I thought she was being a bit harsh and she said “sorry but I’ve been trying to take a nice photo of them all all day for mum and he’s ruined every one so far”.

I told DS to just this once not pull a face but he continued doing so so sister told him to get out of shot. She then took the photo of the other kids and said “there, finally mum will have a photo for her wall”.

so I said mum would want all the kids together so she said “actually, mum told me to take the pic without your ds if he insisted on pulling a face, she was annoyed with the last lot of photos I took her because he’d ruined them all.

I feel hurt, not just about my sister but also what my mum (his grandma!) has clearly been saying!!

AIBu to feel hurt at DS being excluded from a family photo that is destined for my mums wall??

proper behaviour when others are taking group photos....leave....if required to be in the photo, refuse 😳

Well, if it makes you happy...

I’m really surprised at a child of his age lacking in self control to this degree.

I'm going to defend your boy here (but with reservations). I have a friend who doesn't know what to do in photos. He finds it really awkward, and always adopts a slightly odd body stance. And he's in his 30s. He just can't handle the focus (no pun intended) on him.

Your lad clearly feels self-conscious when photos are taken and this has become a habit. You really need to give him a means of coping. Suggest that he doesn't look directly at the person taking the photo, but instead concentrates on counting backwards from 10 or something like that. He might still not look like everyone else, but it's better than pulling a silly face, which has to have got really annoying for everyone.

Explain to him there’s a time and a place for silly faces on photos, with his friends, at a kid’s birthday party etc but that he needs to understand that there are times when it is not appropriate. Don’t dampen his spirit to ever take silly photos but he’s now old enough to understand context.

This is just ridiculous now. The child is pulling funny faces, how is that in any way related to sexual assault.

So....

No driving licence, therefore no ID or having a car.
No passport, therefore no ID (or holiday abroad or internal flight, eg England to scotland).
No School ID lanyard which is a requirement of placement.
No University ID lanyard which is a requirement of being a student.
No work ID which is a requirement of earning a living/paying bills.
No wedding photos, either of him as a groom or best man etc

Congrats OP. Right now your son has been excluded from primary school and family photos but you are on course for him to be excluded from society in general. Time to be a real parent.

This is the crux of it. He has zero respect for others.

He'll be the kind of man who belches in public, or tickles people who don't want to be tickled, or uses "toilet humor" or teases people about their physical characteristics, and then says "What, me? I was just joking!! All in good fun!"

People like this get tiresome very quickly, to co-workers, romantic partners, extended family, social groups.

It's time to stop treating this as a childish quirk but rather to address it as the negative character trait that it is.

Sounds like a child who rules the roost. How is it he so adverse to discipline?

What I would do is give him a camera and let him take the photos, then he will be in them but nobody can see him.

he also might learn about taking photos too.

Well he won't be on the wall now will he? His fault

Sounds like you just make excuses for his behaviour!

It would really annoy me!

What @Favour237 said there wasn't rude @Chasingclouds100 . Really it wasn't.

I'm surprised he has got to 10 years old and you still haven't successfully drummed into him that this behaviour is unacceptable!

Gosh, he sounds really irritating and hard work. I would just stop reacting and let him feel awkward when he realises he’s acting a bit of a tit.

my DS (11) also has a tendency scowl or make stupid faces in pictures but he knows when I tell him to stop, he better bloody stop!

He says it’s funny, so he’s doing it deliberate

I'm not sure that he is. If he has this intense awkwardness faced with a camera, and that's why he's doing it, he might well not be able to stop doing it. GIven that he's then asked why he does it, he needs to find a reason that puts him in control (I'm making people laugh) rather than one that embarrasses him.

Just to say some kids dick around in pictures because they hate the way they look, does he have crooked teeth or dislike other different facial features? If that is the case then dicking about is a way of deflecting the awfulness you feel about ruining the pic with your hideous face!

So lots of reassurance about granny wanting your lovely face in the pic, and permission to smile with mouth closed or keep hat on or whatever feature you think they hate..standing with another smaller child in front of me used to help feel less awkward.

My DSS does this. Fucks me off. A 10 year old should have been taught by now to do as they’re told for goodness sake.

Just don’t take photos of him. Flat out refuse until he stops the stupid faces. I’m not surprised your sister was exasperated it sounds very annoying

Why is it ok to ruin photos
He needs to learn it isn't funny and it's inappropriate.

Yabu, he can pull silly faces if he wants but surely it’s obvious that some people just won’t want him in photos.

You need to do something to him that he doesn’t like (not abusive obviously).

When he complains, just say “but it’s funny”

When he inevitably kicks off, bring up about the photos and say what’s funny to you, won’t be funny to others, and when someone says stop it, they mean stop.

See if that gets through

I would have loose it with him already at age 4, honestly. So rude.

Always good when you vote and see that you’re in the 94% of people who are sensible and would have done what your SIL did. No wonder her and your Mum have been discussing it.

Sister, sorry