Sister threw DS out of the photo

[HellMc]

My DS (10) has always pulled silly faces in photos, he’s done it since he was a toddler. We tried getting him to stop but it’s like he can’t help himself so we just got on with it. We assumed if we didn’t make a fuss out of it he’s grow out of it but he didn’t. All of his school photos have silly faces etc and now we just laugh. The only photos we have of him not doing a silly face are the natural ones he didn’t know we were taking.

Anyway yesterday me, DS, sister, her kids and my other sisters son went on a day out a national heritage site. Sister wanted a group photo of all the kids so they all stood together in front of the ruins. Sister then said to DS “either stop pulling faces or stand over there out of the photo” 😱 it came as a shock as everyone was laughing at him initially and then she suddenly got mad. I told her I thought she was being a bit harsh and she said “sorry but I’ve been trying to take a nice photo of them all all day for mum and he’s ruined every one so far”.

I told DS to just this once not pull a face but he continued doing so so sister told him to get out of shot. She then took the photo of the other kids and said “there, finally mum will have a photo for her wall”.

so I said mum would want all the kids together so she said “actually, mum told me to take the pic without your ds if he insisted on pulling a face, she was annoyed with the last lot of photos I took her because he’d ruined them all.

I feel hurt, not just about my sister but also what my mum (his grandma!) has clearly been saying!!

AIBu to feel hurt at DS being excluded from a family photo that is destined for my mums wall??

Stop making excuses OP. He's being irritating and you need to deal with it, not pretend to find it funny. Everyone else stopped finding this fun years' ago. For his sake, you need to sit down, and say this stops. Now. And if he continues then there are consequences, loss of screen time, no photo's, excluded automatically from group photo's until he can behave nicely. It must be infuriating to be waiting around while your DS is acting up.

So basically you're mad that they rightfully questioned your parenting skills.

Do better

His wedding photos are going to be interesting😂

@HellMc

YABU

I think it’s a good thing he was excluded from the photos

it provides a consequence to his actions and shows him that others don’t find it funny so he might think twice next time

You're being totally unreasonable. Your kid is the kid everyone thinks "Oh God, that kid" about. He runs his school class photo and the schools have to get through all the classes. They dont have time for that shit. He ruins family photos and it sounds like everyone has put up with it until now. They've had enough. He needs to grow up. He is plenty old enough to understand passport photos and he wouldn't even stop it then? With no special needs that is just ridiculous behaviour.

He needs to grow up and learn appropriate behaviour for the situation he is in. Your job as a parent is to make sure he grows up learning that. Do your job.

I'm in the middle on this.
I hate having my photo taken and usually look terrible because I'm not comfortable. Obviously, I don't make faces - I just look a bit awkward - probably something no one else would notice, I just hate the way I look in them. But, it does mean I can understand if he feels uncomfortable and does this sort of thing 'to make people laugh', but also as an excuse - if it was a deliberate silly face, he can laugh at it. If it's a 'proper' face but he hates the way he looks, maybe that would really bother him. Doesn't make his behaviour right - it just might explain why it's happening.
My mum in law also wanted a nice photo for her wall. All the grandkids posed. My two looked exactly the same in each photograph that was taken - perfect smile, barely a difference between each picture. The other four were all over the place. Actually, one of them was ok, but the other three were messing about in every photo. They were told not to, but did it anyway. One of them probably for the awkwardness reasons as above, the other two just because they like to be silly. It is annoying when you're trying to do something nice for someone else, and it did bug me a bit at the time, but in the end, the picture was printed and is up on the wall - silly faces and all. I think the oldest child regrets it a bit as she does look a bit weird (not obviously silly face, more like she was eating something that was too big for her mouth!) but the youngest still finds it funny. My mum in law still wishes she could get a perfect picture, but also admits that this one does show their character. Oh, and I'm not boasting about my perfect little angels - they have plenty of their own annoying moments - they were perfectly posed for this photo just because they care about the way they look in pictures, so vanity maybe!

Oh my god your son sounds annoying.

Stop encouraging it. He will be in secondary school next year!!!

How did he react to your sister telling him to get out of the photo?

Guaranteed you’re the only one who thinks it’s funny. Your kid has basically been telling the same joke for 8 years and everyone else is fed up with it. Good on your sister for finally making it clear. At least you know now.

The fact that he can't/ won't stop doing it when asked is an issue. Especially after I read your update about the passport problem. This is something you need to tackle because in some circumstances (like the group photo) it isn't appropriate and he needs to be able to recognise this an act appropriately. By letting him do it every single time without effective consequences, it causes trauma for him when he has to behave.

Your family offered him the opportunity to be in the photo as long as he was sensible, he wasn't so it was a consequence of his behaviour. He is not the victim.

If you don't deal with situations like this effectively it escalates and causes more drama than nipping it in the bud initially.

Completely with your sister. That being said, being taught to smile is something some kids need. I did a very ‘cheese’ grin as a child and my dad had to teach me how to smile in photos. Twenty five later it’s the same face I pull. Some people aren’t photogenic but that being said, he shouldn’t be allowed to ruin every family picture and you need to stop indulging him.

So your sister and mum find him irritating and so do you. Your dh is driven to very loud shouting at him in the middle of Asda.
He's ten so it's really about time he has a reality check. He'll be upset that something people have been laughing at is actually annoying rather than amusing people but he's reached the stage where he really needs to know.
Then yes, help him practice "normal" faces until he's able to break the habit.

@Arbesque
I don't know if it's the same one but I remember one about a girl who "couldn't help herself " dancing round others all the time, doing leaps and sticking her leg in the air type of thing. I seem to remember another family/child fell out with her because it was so irritating.
Back on this topic, if he does it because he thinks it makes him likeable it's really important to tell him the truth now, it's upsetting because you've left it too long, but better late than never.

But yes, he does need to learn stop it. He will otherwise keep getting told off or excluded, and it doesn't sound like he likes that either. Reassure him that he can be funny in plenty of photos, just not when he's been specifically asked to be sensible, as it's unfair on everyone else.
Practicing a good neutral/happy face is a good idea too.

The OP has already said he does it because he thinks it's funny.

Don't quite understand what is wrong with a silly face if that is his normal face so they want a picture that is not real and doesn't show what he is really like then? I wouldn't care if I was her I would just want a pic of all my grandchildren that I love despite their obscure little nervous habits that come out when people are looking at them. God forbid you get a photo like a scary solemn fake Victorian style picture of petrified workhouse orphans But yes I can see if he was told once and still did it that's how he learns to do as he is told and behaves sensibly
(Yawn) . If it has never bothered you so you never say anything how is he supposed to know it bothered other people think you should tell nan and sister thats the case and it's one of his quirks u have never pulled him up on so they don't have to make such a fuss of it. Equally tell him and then they can all decide whether they have no photos of him at all but do of everyone else or if he is going to conform to their ideals.

I think it sounds like some kind of involuntary compulsion. He was able to hold it in eventually for the passport photo but if he was close to tears then it was taking him a lot of effort.

If he's otherwise well behaved as the OP says then it's not just him being a brat, there's more to it. OCD and tourettes are closely linked, might be worth reading up on them OP to see if anything else fits

He has been givem chance after chance to behave properly amd he didnt. Cant see the issue here.

The more I read the more convinced I am that If he has ALWAYS done this, cant seem to stop, doesnt have any other behavior issues and genuinely upset when people point it out I dont think its a 'silly' face... it probably IS his face.

I mean are we talking stick tounges out and finger in mouth etc... or just not what other deem pretty looking.

there is a big difference between:
this
&
<a class="break-all" href="https://images.thestar.com/DFe6sLcyxmwhQpLs-OQ_GBOfqSY=/480x687/smart/filters:cb(2700061000)/www.thestar.com/content/dam/thestar/life/2012/09/19/5_tips_for_taking_class_photos/grahamcousins.jpeg" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">this
but both can class as silly to people.

I'm autistic I know not to ruin photos for people.

He’s 10, he either stops pulling faces or he gets out of the picture.

Act like a dick, live with the consequences.
Stop treating him like a toddler, he’s more than capable of posing for a photo.

YABU
He is clear old enough to not pull faces for photos when asked.
I agree with your Sister

100% agree with your sister. Having you laughing doesn't help matters he thinks that it is acceptable because you laugh.

For now on he gets once chance at having his picture taken and if he pulls stupid faces then delete that picture remove him from the group and take another. Do not keep any pictures where he is pulling faces and he will soon learn.

Shame that another adult has to parent your child.

He’s 10. Time to grow up and start listening to what others are telling him. Sorry, I’m with your sister here. Being the clown when he gets to secondary won’t do him any favours.

I'm just not buying that he tells op he thinks it's funny when he's been either pulled out of school photos entirely, or been told off and reduced to tears (yeah, right).
What's it going to take?? Maybe for op to stop laughing?