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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister threw DS out of the photo

1000 replies

HellMc · 18/08/2022 15:03

My DS (10) has always pulled silly faces in photos, he’s done it since he was a toddler. We tried getting him to stop but it’s like he can’t help himself so we just got on with it. We assumed if we didn’t make a fuss out of it he’s grow out of it but he didn’t. All of his school photos have silly faces etc and now we just laugh. The only photos we have of him not doing a silly face are the natural ones he didn’t know we were taking.

Anyway yesterday me, DS, sister, her kids and my other sisters son went on a day out a national heritage site. Sister wanted a group photo of all the kids so they all stood together in front of the ruins. Sister then said to DS “either stop pulling faces or stand over there out of the photo” 😱 it came as a shock as everyone was laughing at him initially and then she suddenly got mad. I told her I thought she was being a bit harsh and she said “sorry but I’ve been trying to take a nice photo of them all all day for mum and he’s ruined every one so far”.

I told DS to just this once not pull a face but he continued doing so so sister told him to get out of shot. She then took the photo of the other kids and said “there, finally mum will have a photo for her wall”.

so I said mum would want all the kids together so she said “actually, mum told me to take the pic without your ds if he insisted on pulling a face, she was annoyed with the last lot of photos I took her because he’d ruined them all.

I feel hurt, not just about my sister but also what my mum (his grandma!) has clearly been saying!!

AIBu to feel hurt at DS being excluded from a family photo that is destined for my mums wall??

OP posts:
Johnnysgirl · 18/08/2022 16:36

I'm finding it hard to believe the boy looks "close to tears" in the school photo because he's been told to stop pulling faces.

AryaStarkWolf · 18/08/2022 16:36

ClawedButler · 18/08/2022 16:30

I'm in the 6%. I hear what y'all are saying, but I just don't think that photos are that important.

Mind you, I also always pull silly faces in photos. It is because I am bloody hideous to gaze upon and so I want photos of me to be bad because I am choosing to do something, rather than because I just look like a fat suit found in a skip. Doubt that's motivation for a toddler though.

Photo's of grandchildren are very important to Grandparents, she wanted one that wasn't going to be all about one of the children, he was given the option to either not make a stupid face or sit the photo out, he chose that himself. Why do you think that's unreasonable?

LuftBalloons · 18/08/2022 16:37

he can’t seem to help himself pulling faces

Really??? A 10 year old can't help himself ... that is silly. YABU

You might want to ensure he doesn't grow up to be the sort of young man who "just can't help himself" doing anti-social things, which he knows annoys others. Your sister was very clear with him.

godmum56 · 18/08/2022 16:37

ClawedButler · 18/08/2022 16:30

I'm in the 6%. I hear what y'all are saying, but I just don't think that photos are that important.

Mind you, I also always pull silly faces in photos. It is because I am bloody hideous to gaze upon and so I want photos of me to be bad because I am choosing to do something, rather than because I just look like a fat suit found in a skip. Doubt that's motivation for a toddler though.

neither do I. I have got no photos on display anywhere in my house, never have had, and the ones I do like of my besties and family are the funny ones. The posed everybody smile together pics looked to me like a load of dummies dressed up in best clothes with no personality or life to them at all. And personally i wouldn't care if the kid wasn't in the photos and I would tell him not to care either.

BronwenFrideswide · 18/08/2022 16:38

Well, there you go. He's doing it because people laugh when he does it.

Embarrassed laughter, laughing at him because they think he is a tiresome fool rather than finding it roll on the floor funny I suspect.

AryaStarkWolf · 18/08/2022 16:38

SleepingStandingUp · 18/08/2022 16:30

What are you talking about? He isn't in them. No one is paying for his silly face in their kids photo.

Show quote history

You obviously misunderstood what that poster is saying, she's explaining why he's been kicked out of the group shots because no one would want to pay for the picture otherwise

Johnnysgirl · 18/08/2022 16:38

ClawedButler · 18/08/2022 16:36

No, I mean he was a toddler when he started doing it, so it's unlikely that he did it as a defense mechanism.

To my mind, you can WANT a "nice photo" all you like, but no-one owes you that. And everyone's definition of a nice photo is different - mine would be a photo where the people in it are clearly having fun. For others, it's more formal. Each to their own.

To my mind, you can WANT a "nice photo" all you like, but no-one owes you that.
What a dickish viewpoint. Just remove yourself from the shot like the adult you are, rather than exercising your right to spoil it for everyone else.
Just because you can.

AM453 · 18/08/2022 16:39

I can see your son still doing this at the age of 40. he'll pobs do it in his wedding photos. Perfect example of not nipping bad behaviour in the bud before it gets worse.

This should be the least of your worries OP, at least it's family. Wait until he gets excluded out of ALL photos.

SnowyPetals · 18/08/2022 16:39

If I want a nice photo but my boys are being silly (not that often, just now and again) we agree on one silly photo and one nice one. Could that work? You can't keep letting your DS only do silly photos, it's so self-centered.

mycatisannoying · 18/08/2022 16:39

YABU and good for your sister.

SilverOnToast · 18/08/2022 16:39

ClawedButler · 18/08/2022 16:36

No, I mean he was a toddler when he started doing it, so it's unlikely that he did it as a defense mechanism.

To my mind, you can WANT a "nice photo" all you like, but no-one owes you that. And everyone's definition of a nice photo is different - mine would be a photo where the people in it are clearly having fun. For others, it's more formal. Each to their own.

Totally agree with this. It’s just a photo. I don’t understand the “it’ll ruin it” thing.

Ruin what? Because one person isn’t making a bland smile like everyone else? If you really think about it, the whole concept of everyone smiling for a photo at the same time is a really odd, kinda creepy, thing!

fufflecake · 18/08/2022 16:40

He sounds really really irritating sorry. It's not funny. Everyone thinks he's a right pratt.

Igo · 18/08/2022 16:40

I'm with your mum & sister

your da decides to behave the way he does so has now suffered the consequences of his actions

maybe actually parent your child…a ten year old should be able to follow instructions and have a photo taken of them without pulling a silly face

Johnnysgirl · 18/08/2022 16:41

SilverOnToast · 18/08/2022 16:39

Totally agree with this. It’s just a photo. I don’t understand the “it’ll ruin it” thing.

Ruin what? Because one person isn’t making a bland smile like everyone else? If you really think about it, the whole concept of everyone smiling for a photo at the same time is a really odd, kinda creepy, thing!

Show quote history

It really, really isn't. Not to normal people.

ClawedButler · 18/08/2022 16:41

Believe me I can spoil a photo just by being in it, silly face or not!

I just don't mind silliness like this. Individuality. If it's more important to someone to have a "nice" picture of the family than it is to accept everyone in the family for who they are, then so be it. I'm in the minority, I know that, it's just me - people and their idiosyncrasies matter more to me than formal or semi-formal photographs. You feel the opposite. That's fine.

mam0918 · 18/08/2022 16:42

It depend is it deliberate funny faces or could it be out of his control?

I look like a dear in headlights (mega wide eyed) and automatically pull my head back and shoulders up which makes me look really wierd if I see a camera pointing my way, I HATE how it makes me look but I panic and cant help it - I dont WANT to look ridiculous, I can take much better photos of myself.

My younger DS also automatically pulls theis really wierd smile when he sees a camera which luckily is utterly adorable (as everyone keeps telling me) but it dosent look natural.

YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp · 18/08/2022 16:42

Cas112 · 18/08/2022 15:16

I would be exactly the same as your sister. What a nuisance

Good for her!
I would have stopped this ridiculous behaviour long ago, it’s neither cute nor funny despite what you think.
Highly irritating and infuriating, why does he think he’s got the right to ruin photos repeatedly just because you laugh at him ffs?

peonyprincess · 18/08/2022 16:42

Sorry if I’m being a bit thick here, but why can’t you just say “no more photos unless you stop doing the silly faces?”. He demands you take one, you say no unless he is sensible in them. Every photo opportunity, exclude him immediately if he does it. No drama, no discussion - if you pull a silly face, you’re straight out of the photo or the camera goes away. He’ll soon stop.

AuntMargo · 18/08/2022 16:42

Don't blame your sister, just reading your post, before I even got to reason she threw him out photo, I felt irritation for your son, he sounds so annoying !

badbaduncle · 18/08/2022 16:43

Did you buy him the toy when he behaved badly at the passport pics?

PinkFizz1 · 18/08/2022 16:43

Of course YABU.

He’s 10, not 10 months. He’s quite capable of following an instruction as simple as ‘don’t pull a silly face’. (Or at least, he should be).

You’ve turned all this into a joke by laughing when he does it. You need to be consistent with being firm that it’s not funny and he needs to act a bit more grown up now he’s 10.

Girasole02 · 18/08/2022 16:43

Not funny, not cute but rude and precocious. A child in my family does this and has spoiled so many special occasion photos. When arranging a group shot now I always put him on the side so I can crop him out if necessary. Sounds harsh but why should everyone else have their photo spoiled by someone who wants to be centre of attention?
What will happen at secondary school in form and team pictures? Rightly or wrongly, he will be teased by other students, thought of as a trouble making class clown and judged by other parents who also have children in the photo.

iRun2eatCake · 18/08/2022 16:43

HellMc · 18/08/2022 16:09

I’ve asked him why he does it and he says it’s because it’s funny. When I’ve told him other people don’t like it he gets defensive and upset

Others are laughing AT him ...not with him....

It's "funny" the first couple of photos but after that it's boring as it's expected he'd do it.

Does he realise that actually it is boring now?

Keroppi · 18/08/2022 16:44

didn't read all the updates! He is definitely just being annoying even if it is an anxious response, you've confused him by always letting it slide and giving positive feedback (laughing) no wonder he thinks it is funny! you are pandering to him for sure. sorry, op.. some of my advice might still help combined with being really serious about consequences/having no sympathy for if he gets chosen to not be in family group photos... in fact it would be a great natural consequence if your mum did have a group photo up on the wall without him imo

badgerybadgerboo · 18/08/2022 16:44

He's a bit old to be pulling silly faces in photos.

100% with your sister.

Your son is a brat and needs to grow up.

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