Sister threw DS out of the photo

[HellMc]

My DS (10) has always pulled silly faces in photos, he’s done it since he was a toddler. We tried getting him to stop but it’s like he can’t help himself so we just got on with it. We assumed if we didn’t make a fuss out of it he’s grow out of it but he didn’t. All of his school photos have silly faces etc and now we just laugh. The only photos we have of him not doing a silly face are the natural ones he didn’t know we were taking.

Anyway yesterday me, DS, sister, her kids and my other sisters son went on a day out a national heritage site. Sister wanted a group photo of all the kids so they all stood together in front of the ruins. Sister then said to DS “either stop pulling faces or stand over there out of the photo” 😱 it came as a shock as everyone was laughing at him initially and then she suddenly got mad. I told her I thought she was being a bit harsh and she said “sorry but I’ve been trying to take a nice photo of them all all day for mum and he’s ruined every one so far”.

I told DS to just this once not pull a face but he continued doing so so sister told him to get out of shot. She then took the photo of the other kids and said “there, finally mum will have a photo for her wall”.

so I said mum would want all the kids together so she said “actually, mum told me to take the pic without your ds if he insisted on pulling a face, she was annoyed with the last lot of photos I took her because he’d ruined them all.

I feel hurt, not just about my sister but also what my mum (his grandma!) has clearly been saying!!

AIBu to feel hurt at DS being excluded from a family photo that is destined for my mums wall??

Yes but he's 10 now so way too old to be doing this and you need to step on it. How are you/have you got a passport photo for him, for example?

Your sister and mum are being completely reasonable. Would you have preferred it if she had taken the photo and then cropped your son out of it?

Stop enabling bad behaviour.

He's old enough to stop. I would be annoyed if a nice photo was ruined because one silly child couldn't do as he was asked. Believe it or not all the attention of the person taking or having the photo is focussed on the attention seeking child, when you just want to focus on the others as a group.

I've just read the Asda post and have come to the conclusion that this story is a load of bollocks.

'Promised him a toy if the next set came out properly' - and that there says everything.

You've probably rewarded for bad behaviour all his life - parenting like this isn't usually just for one thing. Now he has to learn the hard way - when other people react to his behaviour.

Your kid sounds like a right pain in the ass when it comes to photos. You need to tell him this behaviour needs to stop, not with promises of a new toy. Stop pandering to him and parent him.

Yes, why were you arguing with your dh, you should have been backing him up!

You've said he's not in most of the class photos so school are evidently giving him feedback
Oh, I missed this. So he is being pulled out. Maybe stop buying the individual ones and laughing at them?
I'm amazed the photographer actually takes photos of a face pulling child and offers them for sale, though. That's quite odd, given the price of them.
They must be aware lots of people wouldn't buy it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Then you've had 8 years to stop him.

I do think that, given he's NT, he really out to be able to understand that he shouldn't pull silly faces all the time.

I'm in the 6%. I hear what y'all are saying, but I just don't think that photos are that important.

Mind you, I also always pull silly faces in photos. It is because I am bloody hideous to gaze upon and so I want photos of me to be bad because I am choosing to do something, rather than because I just look like a fat suit found in a skip. Doubt that's motivation for a toddler though.

What are you talking about? He isn't in them. No one is paying for his silly face in their kids photo.

He looks close to tears? yes, most likely because he isn't getting his own way.
Sorry OP but you urgently need to teach him that NO, MEANS NO, otherwise he is never going to learn about other peoples boundaries.

He's not a toddler

So if someone wanted a nice group photo of everyone smiling normally would you insist on being in it pulling a funny face or would you step out of it?

He was asked not to and he carried on doing it. He is more than old enough to understand 'no'. Your sister wanted a nice picture for your mum, not one where he is stealing the show by showing off.

I take it he doesn’t have a passport.
Or want a student ID card, driving license or anything involving photo ID in his future.
He’s 10. Old enough to be told and understand the consequences.

@HellMc What if he takes selfies/the pictures himself? Or book him/the fam in with a local kid photographer, they do lovely natural photos so he will feel less "on" and take a million pics so no chance he can be silly for all of them.

You could roleplay paparazzi together lol or buy him an instax mini. Perhaps he will just be more interested behind the camera rather than in front of it.. Photography walks?

Sorry for the advice spam. I was always an awkward subject, but I really enjoy photography. i've seen on tiktok people who post "how to take photos/how to pose/smile tutorials" x

He's not been excluded, he's faced the consequences of his actions.

Your mistake was not teaching him it was wrong when he was two. It's going to be much harder now .

Perhaps tell him he won't be in any photo unless he asks and says he won't be silly in it.
Then take all photos without him until further notice.

As long as he makes faces, you don't get the photo you want so you may as well not take any with him in them.

Just opt out and stop spoiling photos 🙄

👍

Failing that for meantime hire a photo editor (Fiverr is good) to photoshop/faceapp his normal face over the silly group shot ones!! I do agree he needs to learn tho but clearly yelling and being annoyed isnt sinking in

Is this a reverse? Because you are ... remarkably passive OP.

Because on that photo it was a group photo of all the kids together and he ended up being excluded.
He didn't "end up" being excluded.
He excluded himself.
His aunt asked him not to pull faces, warned him what would happen if he persisted - yet he did it anyway.
This isn't something that just happened to him. He made it happen.

I’ve laughed at the single school photos because it’s just become expected now.
Expected?
By who?
What you are really saying here is that you are pandering to a behaviour you dislike & wish would stop.
You are excusing yourself from taking definitive action to stop it by dressing it up as something that "just happens."

In your shoes, I'd probably tale the path of least resistance, & stop taking any pics of him, or allowing him to feature in others', until he can decide to stop acting the goat. A darn sight easier than a fruitless struggle which DS is unwilling to yield in.

Unless you think there is something pathological going on?

What kind of silly faces is he pulling? I’m intrigued!

No, I mean he was a toddler when he started doing it, so it's unlikely that he did it as a defense mechanism.

To my mind, you can WANT a "nice photo" all you like, but no-one owes you that. And everyone's definition of a nice photo is different - mine would be a photo where the people in it are clearly having fun. For others, it's more formal. Each to their own.