Sister threw DS out of the photo

[HellMc]

My DS (10) has always pulled silly faces in photos, he’s done it since he was a toddler. We tried getting him to stop but it’s like he can’t help himself so we just got on with it. We assumed if we didn’t make a fuss out of it he’s grow out of it but he didn’t. All of his school photos have silly faces etc and now we just laugh. The only photos we have of him not doing a silly face are the natural ones he didn’t know we were taking.

Anyway yesterday me, DS, sister, her kids and my other sisters son went on a day out a national heritage site. Sister wanted a group photo of all the kids so they all stood together in front of the ruins. Sister then said to DS “either stop pulling faces or stand over there out of the photo” 😱 it came as a shock as everyone was laughing at him initially and then she suddenly got mad. I told her I thought she was being a bit harsh and she said “sorry but I’ve been trying to take a nice photo of them all all day for mum and he’s ruined every one so far”.

I told DS to just this once not pull a face but he continued doing so so sister told him to get out of shot. She then took the photo of the other kids and said “there, finally mum will have a photo for her wall”.

so I said mum would want all the kids together so she said “actually, mum told me to take the pic without your ds if he insisted on pulling a face, she was annoyed with the last lot of photos I took her because he’d ruined them all.

I feel hurt, not just about my sister but also what my mum (his grandma!) has clearly been saying!!

AIBu to feel hurt at DS being excluded from a family photo that is destined for my mums wall??

It is pathetic how people always use this on here! Child being irritating = autism. Those posters suggesting this should be ashamed of themselves.

YABU he is 10 not a toddler

Personally, I can’t stand the Selfie generation where everyone has to pose provocatively in front of the camera and especially those women with pursed lips and holding a glass of wine. I think they look seriously tacky and when you see endless minor variations of the wine pose on social media, they look like they’ve got a raging drink problem.

those judgy pants are hoiked right up your bum-crack there, it must be quite painful.

Because on that photo it was a group photo of all the kids together and he ended up being excluded.

Painful as it is for you OP, he wasn't excluded. He was asked. He was told. He faced a consequence. He excluded himself.

You didn't answer but you didn't mention siblings so i'm going to guess he's an only child. Do you indulge him too much in other respects, and he's just used to you brushing it off? What is his experience of having real consequences applied?

A friend's kids do this and they're so irritating. We go for an ice cream and she wants to take a photo, and instantly they start. One crosses their eyes and pulls stupid faces. The other one will pick up something from the table and put it on their head, or stick their tongue out while standing in a stupid position.
She constantly posts the pic on FB, saying my little crazy gang. She thinks they're hilarious.

I'm going to suggest something else.
I think he is acutely self conscious and under social pressure so this is his get out clause. Its not bad behaviour or him being obstructive. He is painfully shy. I am probably going to be diagnosed with ADHD shortly (aged 50) and this is one of the many things I used to do in social situations that I was punished for. I did not want to be badly behaved, I was just really very self conscious.
Maybe see if he feels like this in the situation, under pressure, all eyes on him, negartive feedback following - its a heady mix for a young kid. Have a chat and see if you can introduce him to taking pictures in a less pressured way. Its acting out, not bad behaviour.

It really does depend of which it is - involutory unnatural probably needs some support and understanding and help - deliberate sticking his tongue our or crossing his eyes probably try a zero tolerance approach telling him off even if that upsets him till he stops.

Oh gosh how cringe!!!

id probably be very worried that there’s a few more “hilarious” traits he has that are alienating him from others
because your opening post sounds very much like you expected people to think your son was treated harshly. How many other times have you thoughts that is the case for things with him?
he’s probably a super fun kid to be fair, but sometimes too much “fun kid” becomes “very annoying kid”

@Loics my son has asd and this is something he is prone to doing… obviously asd is such a broad spectrum

He needs to learn how to behave hes old enough

This is reminding me of a recent thread where a 9 year old kept annoying her relatives by dancing around them and talking in a baby voice.
She got very defensive when spoken to about it as well.

Or maybe just disabuse him of the notion that it's funny? Nothing suggests op has ever actually told him this, it's beyond stupid.

@Johnnysgirl LOL i do have dogs not children. I was more meaning - practice it, copying others and make it a game where he 'wins' when he gets it right. Take the angst/drama out of it.

I have a feeling he is not doing this deliberately, it is habit he has got into for some reason.

I feel bad for the boy. Children love to make thier parents laugh so OP you have really done him a disservice by continuing to laugh at his bad behaviour. Although it has upset your DS your sister has done him a favour, he can't continue to ruin photos.

Are you not upset that you don't have a lovely school photo of him?

@Mumspair1 perhaps they are similar
to myself and have an asd child who
is prone to doing this. Your reaction to the suggestions seems disproportionate and that you perhaps haven’t experienced a child with asd doing similar to what OP describes

This!!

'This post makes me wonder if there are actually additional needs especially as it's happened since being a toddler, and he does it despite consequences. My son has OCD and when his anxiety is high he feels compelled to do things even if they result in a consequence for him@ Nail on the head there @dampgreg This is more than misbehaving. I too had OCD as a kid and I could not cope with photos.

I fully agree with your sister. In fact if I was your sister I would make sure I printed off the nice picture without your son acting like a clown and got it framed and put on the wall at mothers house. He needs to learn not everything is about him.

Well, there you go. He's doing it because people laugh when he does it.

More people need to follow through (like your sister) when they actually want a sensible photo. At the moment, he thinks it's not a big deal.

He's 10, not a toddler. If he can't behave or understand the consequences of 'playing the joker; then it's on him.

Sounds like you're upset but he doesn't give a shit.

Maybe everyone laughing at him every time he does it is the reason he does it (for attention).

And then what happens?

I honestly don’t get this. Your child is 10, not 5. He’s doing something that annoys other people. You then blame other people for not humouring this nonsense. You’ve then backtracked because the response has been so overwhelmingly negative.

After he gets defensive and upset, what do you do? Do you continue the conversation and explain that it’s not ‘funny’ to continue doing something that annoys people? Do you state and follow through with consequences? Or do you just leave it because he’s ‘upset’? As, from your comments, it’s sounding like the latter. And that’s not parenting.

So why are you annoyed that your sister did the same thing or that your mother is also annoyed when he ruins photo's?

Also, you gave an excuse that he's nervous in photo's, if that were the case why would he always be asking you to take photo's of him?

He wasn’t absent, he was in them pulling silly faces, thus spoiling them for others.

Yeah I think she’s right to chuck him out. He’s too old to be acting so babyish and he needs someone to say ‘enough’.

So you've indulged his stupid behaviour for 10 years. I pity the poor woman who gets landed with him when he's a manchild.

Ok this is good, it shows that he is doing it intentionally rather than it being an involuntary nervous action. Explain to him that he is 10 now and it's not cute or funny anymore. You really do have to stop keeping and allowing the silly photos to be taken. Also allow other people to express their displeasure. Tell the school to refuse to take his photo when he does it. People shouldn't have to lose their temper with him to get him to behave.