Sister threw DS out of the photo

[HellMc]

My DS (10) has always pulled silly faces in photos, he’s done it since he was a toddler. We tried getting him to stop but it’s like he can’t help himself so we just got on with it. We assumed if we didn’t make a fuss out of it he’s grow out of it but he didn’t. All of his school photos have silly faces etc and now we just laugh. The only photos we have of him not doing a silly face are the natural ones he didn’t know we were taking.

Anyway yesterday me, DS, sister, her kids and my other sisters son went on a day out a national heritage site. Sister wanted a group photo of all the kids so they all stood together in front of the ruins. Sister then said to DS “either stop pulling faces or stand over there out of the photo” 😱 it came as a shock as everyone was laughing at him initially and then she suddenly got mad. I told her I thought she was being a bit harsh and she said “sorry but I’ve been trying to take a nice photo of them all all day for mum and he’s ruined every one so far”.

I told DS to just this once not pull a face but he continued doing so so sister told him to get out of shot. She then took the photo of the other kids and said “there, finally mum will have a photo for her wall”.

so I said mum would want all the kids together so she said “actually, mum told me to take the pic without your ds if he insisted on pulling a face, she was annoyed with the last lot of photos I took her because he’d ruined them all.

I feel hurt, not just about my sister but also what my mum (his grandma!) has clearly been saying!!

AIBu to feel hurt at DS being excluded from a family photo that is destined for my mums wall??

One suggestion would be do tonnes of practice at home. Hold up pictures of people with different (normal) expressions and ask him to copy their expressions while you are taking his photo. He gets a reward/treat each time he is able to copy the expression.

It may give you an idea as to whether this is within his control or not. It may also help him get used to putting on an appropriate 'photo face' when needed.

How rude! You sound incredibly irritating!!

He was ruining the photos and was told to behave. He decided not and was excluded. Address his behaviour first or take your own photos.

Does he say why he does it?

What faces is he actually pulling?

My BIL does the worst, unnatural smile if he knows his photo is being taken, but it's still passable as a 'normal' photo.

Is he actually sticking his tongue our or crossing his eyes or something?

How is any of that relevant to a 10 year old deliberately spoiling a group shot by making stupid faces?

Im going to sit him down tonight and tell him the silly faces in photos has to stop as it’s irritating everyone and it’s childish. Then we’ll start practicing normal faces.

You should have done this a long, long time ago. He needs to know how irritating he is. So school has excluded him, your dsis now, your mum is annoyed, your dh lost his shit, and so have you? Time to be firm and blunt with him, he is 10 not 3.

Yeah sorry your Sister was fair -behave or step aside

How irritating of him. Of course he can stop pulling funny faces for a photo. I don't blame them for wanting a nice photo

I’ve asked him why he does it and he says it’s because it’s funny. When I’ve told him other people don’t like it he gets defensive and upset

@HellMc I looked at the photo and saw how lovely it would be without the silly face THIS is exactly what your sister is saying. It is exactly what your Mom is saying. They just want a photo like you do where he isn't pulling a stupid face. You seem to think because he wasn't alone his stupid face is fine but it's worse.

I only have one class photo of him as he’s been thrown out of the others. so not such a well behaved kid at school then.

Oh OP, you really need to get a grip on this and fast. Just think of how many class photos your DS has spoiled for other families. Does that not embarrass you? How do you prepare him for school photos? Do you warn him to behave?

Does your DS have any friends? I can only imagine how annoying he is to people, including school staff.

For your DS’s sake, please look at how you parent him. He’s not funny, and people that he given him and you the benefit of the doubt until now will just give you a wide berth as he gets older. Your tolerance of this, and no doubt other behavioural traits, is not helping him.

Sorry if this is harsh, but you need a reality check.

It's not rude, he is irritating! He annoys everyone else with this. It's the truth.

I’m really surprised that so many posters think that your DS choosing to pull a daft face is such a big deal in a Family photo.

It's upset several family members and seems to be a problem with official photos as well - so I can see why it's becoming an issue.

Maybe practice is worth trying - maybe trying some calm breathing or other techniques before hand - and a talk about is he aware and why is he doing it as well.

I am also autistic and completely agree, I wondered how long it would be before someone diagnosed him with ASD!

I doubt his absence has actually ruined it for anyone else. Why would they care??

That sounds like puppy training advice 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
Seriously, a treat every time he doesn't pull a silly face??

i mean this as kindly as possible OP but I would look into other ASD traits.. it sounds like an involuntary thing

I voted YABU.

But I wouldn't worry to much about it, in a few years everybody will use the photobombing app to remove him and he will never know (until he notices that there are no photos of him in your family's homes).

Then its just an issue for you and him when he needs official photos taken, Passports have already been mentioned, but driving licence, proof of age, college/university id, work id etc.

This post makes me wonder if there are actually additional needs especially as it's happened since being a toddler, and he does it despite consequences. My son has OCD and when his anxiety is high he feels compelled to do things even if they result in a consequence for him. As a PP said, it's all routed in anxiety

You need to tell him people find it irritating, not just that they don't like it. He needs to get the message loud and clear. He is 10yo!!

Think of it this way OP. Imagine first day at work when they take his ID photo and he isn't capable to one without crying.

She's saying the same thing that about 90% of people on this thread have said, and less harshly than many.

No toys or treats to bribe him to stop misbehaving for ten seconds just a good old fashioned bollocking.

@Unforgettablefire oh no, you can't give a kid a good bollocking anymore! Means you're abusive or can't control yourself etc.
I actually do use good old fashioned bollockings and in completely unrelated news, I have really, really well behaved, happy children. No connection at all there. Nope. None.

His absence wouldn't be a problem. But he wasn't absent, he's in all the school photo pulling silly faces.
Op laughs when she buys them. I'm guessing the other parents don't.