To put dirty knickers in my own laundry basket?

[Megapops]

I've lived in houseshares for many years and always had my own laundry basket in my room. I've been living with DP for 4 years now, we have a great relationship, can talk about anything, and share everything BUT I prefer to put my used/worn underwear in my own little laundry basket I have for them. Sometimes I have period leaks or discharge and I dont want anyone seeing that/dealing with that. (Yes, it happens, I'm not embarrassed of my period but I'm quite a private person in general). I don't like using liners every day because it's bad for the environment.

Anyway, DP thinks this is weird and funny, and always jokes about my 'stash of underwear' I keep in their own basket! Is this really that weird? Does everyone else just put your worn underwear in the family/shared washing basket?

I voted YABU because I think it’s unusual (not that I’ve done surveys etc!) but it’s harmless enough. And your DH is a bit unreasonable to go on about it. Maybe if you acknowledge to him yes it’s unusual but you like doing it anyway?

We have our own washing baskets and ( much MN disgust) we do our own washing!

Quite.

Odd and odd. Daily panty liners even odder. Rather fetishises used knickers, really.

We have baskets for dh and I (we share). The kids have two baskets and share and the baby has her own basket. If I have a period leak, I'll wash the underwear and dry before putting it in the actual wash basket. I'm not ashamed of dh seeing it, we have two girls so he'd have to get used to it anyway. It isn't nice of him to keep raising it but maybe he wants you to realise that it just isn't something you have to do, that he isn't grossed out by it?

We don’t have shared laundry baskets. It’s much easier to keep on top of the laundry if we keep everyone’s laundry separate with no sorting back to the right place.
we do the same amount of laundry in total, the baskets just fill up differently.

i also have period laundry specific bins because dd and I both use period pants and those need some special attention. If I have noticeable leaks on underwear, it often ends up thrown in that bin because I know that wash will get out any stains.

The other washing stuff (cleaning cloths etc) has a more complex set up which I won’t go into here.

Well, I for one am intrigued.

DH and I have different laundry baskets (I throw things in the bathroom laundry, whereas he throws them into the changing room laundry) but items to get mixed together generally; especially if one fills up before the other.

Yes that’s weird. We have a divided light/dark laundry basket but knickers and pants just go in the relevant section along with everything else including reusable pads. If the cleaner is coming I make sure knickers/pads aren’t on the top but why be prissy about your own DP seeing them? Presumably he removes them from you!

Wow- so your DP doesn't know you have periods?

It is a bit strange- so what if he sees blood on your knickers?
Maybe it will be an education in the habits of women.
I can't imagine any woman won;t have had some leak blood on pants at some time in their lives.
It isn't shameful.

Not really, OP hasn't said she hides them, she just keeps them in a separate basket

In our house anything wet or soiled goes straight in the washing machine so it doesn't hang about going crusty in a basket

Surely you'd deal with this each day..? I wouldn't leave anything I'd leaked on (quick rinse in cold water and chuck a wash on)

I don’t understand either of these comments. Surely it means you’re washing one pair at a time, every day?

Within our laundry basket we have a separate bag which nice boxers fo into --As my pants are fine for a wash and tumble with socks and his nice stuff doesn't like a tumble. So do then with jeans or shorts.

So same principle. A bag within the main laundry bag.

My partner knows period time is imminent/in progress when black knickers start appearing in the wash pile. We don't even separate them in the wash. Everything just gets thrown in together. What survives, survives.

Our kids have their own laundry baskets and do their own washing, but dh and I lob our stuff in together.

I think you are entitled to have your own laundry bin for whatever you want to put in it. I don’t think your husband should comment on it. I think what’s weird is that he even noticed you do this. Let alone keep harping on about it. He would have had some dirty washing dumped on his head by now if it was me! I remember reading a letter in the problem page of the Lady magazine years ago (in a doctors waiting room). It was from an elderly lady who liked to wear very worn out but comfortable walking knickers. She was worried that if she died suddenly a relative may come in and find the worn out knickers. What would they think of her? She was advised by the Lady magazine to buy a nice Habitat waste paper bin for her bedroom and to store the knickers in that. Then if she were to snuff it anyone going through her things would think she had thrown the knickers away.

Presumably they put other items in the washing machine too - but those ones go straight in there and sit and wait for other washing, rather than festering with dry clothes, surely?

OP I am so like you - I have a problem seeing a partner brush their teeth let alone seeing a glimpse of their underwear when I’m putting a wash on. I don’t care about the. “You’re intimate with the person” line I don’t want to see others underwear and don’t want anyone seeing mine

Yes, it’s weird. Normally I would say we all have our foibles and part of being a good partner is supporting your partner’s little quirks when it doesn’t affect you at all, and it’s no big deal. But I do think this is maybe making women’s underwear and their contents a bit of a ‘shameful little secret’ which is perhaps unhelpful in the grand scheme of things. I make a point about being very matter of fact of periods etc in front of men. It’s not shameful, and the shouldn’t be encouraged to tune it out or be shielded from women’s issues. I’d consider it personal growth to not do things once you have children, as part of their wider education about women and what men should know about their bodies.

But it’s such a small thing, so on balance I’d vote YANBU. It’s a bit odd, but hardly a big deal. Especially if you don’t have kids. If you do, as long as you are generally body positive and matter of fact about things, I don’t think it’s a massive deal.

Agree. We are definitely not the "let it all hang out" type.

A little mystery goes a long way in keeping the spark alive.

😆

Just wear black although it won’t disguise everything, but at least the skids won’t be so obvious.

We have three baskets for dirty washing in this house. Normal coloured stuff, whited and towels.

pants get chucked in with the normal stuff as mine are all black and don't think much of it and I do all the washing, Perhaps if my Dp did more washing I'd think twice 😅I also washclothes every day so they aren't hanging around long.

I couldn't have knickers drying around the house on radiators etc. I wear cotton pants mainly so they just get bunged in the dryer

whatever makes you happy op. I have to have the door shut when I'm in the toilet - even just for a wee. I grew up in a busy household and shutting the door for privacy is just second nature. I like privacy.

I also have to shower before doing the deed. I get ultra paranoid about being fresh. Dp thinks I'm mad but he's grown used to it 😅

we all have our little things!

I don't keep them.separate but if they particularly stained etc I woud probably bin anyway but I'd just put them at the bottom of the laundry basket . There are some things you don't want people seeing like I wouldnt want to see dirty underpants.

It's a bit like people who will sit on the loo with their partner in the bathroom and have a poo. Some things should be private

So many questions about this comment. What is intimate about seeing someone brush their teeth? What about brushing their hair? Is it ok to see the underwear when it’s still on the person or is that a no go as well?

Weird to have your own laundry basket, even more so one for your underwear! We put everything together, I couldn't care less if he sees my dirty underwear or I see his!