"Are you getting help with your anxiety OP?"

[rejectshampoodemandtherealpoo]

What help?

The NHS doesn't offer any help. If you go to the NHS and say ‘I'm anxious’ they will usually prescribe you whatever the drug representatives have been selling to their practice of late, usually selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors. They don’t help people with a state of anxiety.
Private counselling is expensive.

Everyone gets anxious. But when it begins to affect your life (again really everyone has periods) then it can be a diagnosable condition. Most people with extreme anxiety, diagnosed or not, are doing something to help, or they are spiralling out of control. I've had both.

But I can categorically tell you one thing that doesn't help; someone asking “are you getting help with your anxiety OP?”
First of all it’s a virtue signal with a connotation of “because I would never let my anxiety take over like this, you're pathetic, as opposed myself who is so well put together”

Secondly, it's akin to “you need help” but then offering absolutely zero help.

It's overdone and we all know what it really means. It shows you give zero craps about the person. If you gave a crap you'd do one of two things;
offer relatable advice or comfort “I've been there” “here's how I cope”.

refrain from comment.

You're showing yourself up.

Panic attacks are a good example of a misunderstood condition. Please don't ever say, "Just calm down!". As I said in another thread:

Panic attacks often happen suddenly and without warning. Contrary to popular belief they're not the result of feeling increasingly anxious or 'getting in a flap' about something. The best way I can describe it is a sense of overwhelming dread that slowly grips your whole body. It's like a mixture of hanging at the top of a large rollercoaster before it's about to drop, just hearing news that a loved one has died, being trapped in a small dark box and getting chased by a lion. The body reacts accordingly.
They really can be incredibly debilitating when experienced frequently. I've had panic attacks while relaxing in front of the TV, eating dinner, driving, shopping, out with friends, reading in bed. Even thinking or talking about them was enough at one point. I've contemplated suicide so I wouldn't have to feel those things any longer. Most people don't realise what it's like (and I'm happy for them).

@Gallant282

I was with you OP but actually you're coming across as a bit of a twat yourself now. Your subject matter will naturally attract posters like myself who have anxiety.
I'm 3 months into taking Escitaloprám for it and reading your opinions on drug dependency really isn't helpful when someone's trying to claw their was up from rock bottom and can see the light for the first time in years thanks to medication that has worked where therapy hasn't.
My anxiety is caused by 25 years of chronic disease. I take many many drugs to keep me alive. Drugs may not be your answer but they're a life line to many.

Glad you're starting to break the surface with the help of medication. Do not feel a moment of shame for needing that help - chronic stress (which is not always possible to alleviate with changes of lifestyle or attitude, you can't PMA your way out of physical illness, poverty or many other struggles) is toxic to our brain chemistry and sometimes (not always!) the best solution to the problem is to rebalance the brain chemicals to allow us enough mental room to see the path forward.

Your OP is criticising others for saying "are you getting help" for being condescending and unhelpful.

Can't you see that some of your comments, eg. "I'm glad it helped you. Do you envisage coming off it at some point?" are just the same?

OP do you not see the irony of your last paragraph?

You are complaining about people saying unhelpful off the cuff remarks and then you come out with that.

I think if someone has stated in their OP that they have anxiety, then 'are you getting help for your anxiety?' is a valid question, but I often see it used on here when someone has a different opinion or (mostly) a lower tolerance to risk. As someone else has said, this isn't asked out of concern, it's to undermine the OP.

I've seen it on another thread today, where apparently not feeling comfortable letting a stranger hold your baby must mean you have PPD 🤔🙄

I see your point but I want to try to get across that even if the intention is to help, the comment itself won't help, because it will come across as facetious which will only cause a person already in a flare up of anxiety to feel worse.

Obviously that won't be universal, but nothing will, and I can't list all the possible scenarios in which my comment won't apply.

I think you get the idea. I AM ranting about it, that's all the post was, a rant. But now this is turning into another MN classic; the pickapart. (not you personally)

Nothing ever applies universally. So mentioning that is just another example really.

that's the thread that caused this thread.

As for that one, I have friends who are just like that. They don't even have crippling anxiety (that I know of and I do know them well)

I don't ask 'have you got help for your anxiety' because rightly so they would find it condescending and disingenuousa.

Instead I talk to them around that fear, share my reasons for being less fearful of that, but then I have fears they don't have, and they will find absurd, though they wouldn't say that because it's not how you help people.

There is a thread currently trying running from someone who doesn't want a new kitchen I stalled - l am sure her rational brain knows it needs to be done and it will be worth it after a few days of chaos but l have to admit my first thought was she must get anxiety.

Prob doesn't need me to tell her though.

I feel like the people who ask this question are just acknowledging the op has anxiety rather than being sneery.

See, that's the thing; genuine concern doesn't look like that. It just doesn't.

The NHS do offer support for those with anxiety. You can self-refer to your local mental health support team these days. It's remarkably easy.

@girlmom21 In some trusts maybe but it's not countrywide, in some areas the waiting lists are ridiculous.

Well according to the OP the NHS offers no help.

The waiting lists can be very long, that's true.

Hm, well you could be correct of course but I don't think you are, but that's just my feeling and who's to say in finality?

Yup, it was that and the one about changing nappies that triggered this. Plus yesterday someone mentioned it, and first thing today I saw it.

I just know for a fact that offering real help and genuine concern comes across, and empty comments just aren't that. I can tell. People it's aimed at can tell. But you will be correct in some cases for sure. It's not really the meaning that matters as such, it's the effect it will have on the OP.

I think the difficulty is that this might be a legitimate concern or it might be symptom of PPA.

I had PPA and my baby getting herpes and dying was an enormous fear for me. I had intrusive thoughts and I spent 12 weeks relentlessly combing the internet for stories/symptoms/pictures and really struggled. Medication was a real game changer for me.

I accept that not engaging at all with the worry and assuming it must be anxiety is dismissive but PPA is a big issue for lots of women and so querying if the OP is struggling more generally, feeling very worried all the time or feels that their level of worry is out of proportion is something worth flagging in my view. It isn't always easy to know when "normal worries" tip into something more.

I apologise for that. Of course anything has the potential to help anyone.

Me adding that did derail a bit. It's something I need to work on; saying less.

A fresh reminder, which is helpful.

I agree that flagging up is useful.

I just don't think that's what the comment does for the most part. That's all I'm trying to say "amongst my manic overtalking" ( a final hurdle ) I've overcome so much, I'm genuinely proud of myself, but we all have things to work through I imagine.

As Da Vinci said on his deathbed "I'm still learning".

Your OP is criticising others for saying "are you getting help" for being condescending and unhelpful.

Can't you see that some of your comments, eg. "I'm glad it helped you. Do you envisage coming off it at some point?" are just the same?

I agree.

OP your replies are exactly the same as what you are writing about.

Okay I take that on board.

My intention with that question is to actually find out the answer though. I'm interested in whether the person is aiming to or has come off the medications as I have a personal interest in that data (as unscientific as the collection is of course)

So I don't agree it's the same because "are you getting help with your anxiety op?" I don't believe they genuinely want an answer or have anything to offer after that. Do you see what I mean?

I can't find that comment for some reason so thanks for highlighting it.

I see it's the same in that it has a negative effect. I will reword it if I ask it again because that was a blind spot. I'm just actually interested in the answer.

@Tabbouleh

OP, have you read Prozac Nation? I read it when it came out years ago. Found it terrifying and was very anti medication for depression and anxiety. Of course back then, I didn't have an ill DD struggling in a pandemic. I have changed my mind on lots of things now.
One thing that has helped me a lot as a caregiver is exercise. Very boring and perhaps may sound like a patronising suggestion. But it does help me greatly.

I remember reading that donkey's years ago - back then I was a teen I think and was very committed to the notion of my 'true self', and 'authenticity'. The idea of 'burying' that 'true self', however miserable and destructive that true self might be, with medication struck me as awful as it seemed to strike Wurzl.

I have to admit, I don't know if it's age or cynicism or experience but I find the earnestness of that position a bit naive. I think pregnancy and the hormonal effects of pregnancy and breastfeeding had a bit to do with the scales falling from my eyes in this regard. The astonishing changes to my body and mind, the fluctuations in my mood, based on hormones, was an eye-opener.

Even something as simple as ceasing breastfeeding - before I did I had endless patience with my rather needy daughter, which i put down to my world-moving love for her. Cut off breastfeeding and my daily supply of dopamine/oxytocin and I suddenly found myself much more irritable and impatient - I was panicked by this at first, thinking I had broken our bond, then realised slowly it was not because I loved her less, but because I was no longer 'on drugs' which my body naturally produced to enable me to be the best parent I could be in that highly vulnerable and dependent stage of her life.

Moreover, going off these 'drugs' was I think what precipitated me into a full on meltdown which had been a long time coming since I had lost my mother to suicide the previous year, and a high stress role at work - I had been managing the grief and stress, just barely, but then losing my oxytocin plunged me into a total system failure and I had to take sick leave. Then went on citalopam and was, again, astonished how quickly I went from utter wrethcedness to a sense of balance and calm.

More recently the PMDD I have experienced has turned me, on occasion, into a person I absolutely do not recognise and cannot fathom. once again, medication has enabled me to 'turn off' these behaviours and emotions which were themselves triggered by a chemical imbalance.

All this makes it very difficult to give credence to any notion of 'authenticity' free from the tyranny of chemicals - human existence is entirely dictated by our biochemistry, and we can hack it in a variety of ways that completely alter our perception and personalities. Exercise is another one that works a real treat for me, when I can summon up the time to do it, or indeed the motivation (again citalopram helps with this, as when I'm not crying on the floor half the month I'm a lot more inclined to be up and doing!).

Hmmm, massive derail - but I do think it is relevant on a thread where there is much discussion of 'dependency' on drugs. Our bodies are manuacturing them all the time, and being conscious of this can be a good way of both stepping back from the maelstrom and thinking that it is 'the real you' (not necessarily), and of learning ways you can take control a little bit (either organically or with medication).

I have anxiety and I'm on setraline- I've found it really helps.

I think anxiety is a pretty normal response to living in a very unnatural environment. For example we’re not meant to live alone (or even in a very small family) and at a very basic level our body’s respond to this by releasing stress hormones. And then we’re diagnosed as if we’re at fault and expected to take SSRI’s to cope with it because if we don’t then somehow we only have ourselves to blame.

We don’t blame a lion for going mad in a zoo but somehow we think humans are different.

All NHS trusts offer IAPT ('Talking Therpy') services which you can self refer into, but many people don't seem to know this. This can include online therapy appointments with a therapist on the phone or on a video call, as well as face to face. The waiting lists are normally quite short. Google IAPT service for your local area.

Bodies

In that example though, it's fairly common knowledge nowadays that there is a risk attached to kissing newborn babies. Neither myself nor my partner had PPA but both told our families no kissing. I hear that your concern went beyond this though, and I'm sorry you suffered with PPA 💐