"Are you getting help with your anxiety OP?"

[rejectshampoodemandtherealpoo]

What help?

The NHS doesn't offer any help. If you go to the NHS and say ‘I'm anxious’ they will usually prescribe you whatever the drug representatives have been selling to their practice of late, usually selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors. They don’t help people with a state of anxiety.
Private counselling is expensive.

Everyone gets anxious. But when it begins to affect your life (again really everyone has periods) then it can be a diagnosable condition. Most people with extreme anxiety, diagnosed or not, are doing something to help, or they are spiralling out of control. I've had both.

But I can categorically tell you one thing that doesn't help; someone asking “are you getting help with your anxiety OP?”
First of all it’s a virtue signal with a connotation of “because I would never let my anxiety take over like this, you're pathetic, as opposed myself who is so well put together”

Secondly, it's akin to “you need help” but then offering absolutely zero help.

It's overdone and we all know what it really means. It shows you give zero craps about the person. If you gave a crap you'd do one of two things;
offer relatable advice or comfort “I've been there” “here's how I cope”.

refrain from comment.

You're showing yourself up.

Give me just one of those problems and I will either offer practical information on how they could possibly be remedied or say 'sorry I can't help'

What I would never do is ask a banal question about whether or not you realise you need or are getting help.

May I ask, do you envisage yourself and hubby remaining on those meds for life? (I have no right to an answer to this question, that would be your choice)

Locally you self-refer. They then ring you up and have a chat to see what would suit you. You might not get 1:1 therapy but there's lots of other things. Maybe not instant but they assess and refer according to need.

www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/mental-health-issues/anxiety/
If anxiety is affecting your daily life or causing you distress, call NHS 111 or talk to your GP. In England, you can also refer yourself for psychological therapy through the NHS IAPT service without seeing your GP.
Find an IAPT service (England only)

I'm fairly new to Mumsnet and this is one of my pet peeves. Along with the phrase 'batshit' which I've never heard anyone use outside of MN.

I see it on a lot of the new mum/new baby threads, where OP will raise a legitimate concern (e.g. not wanting visitors to kiss their newborn) only to be met with a barrage of PPA/PPD diagnoses.

It's done in such a way to feign concern, but the implication that someone must have a mental disorder if they feel in any way concerned about or protective towards their baby is really dangerous, especially to a new mun. And 9/10 the person responding isn't concerned at all, they just get a kick out of gaslighting vulnerable young women.

I concur with your comment wholeheartedly.

I think some people think people with an MBBS who sit in an office all day possess magic wands that they just get out for the special customers.

Yes! You are right! They are gaslighting them.

YABU

If I came on here saying I keep missing work because of my awful heavy periods which cause me loads of pain - posters would obviously talk about my period and not just my work.

Posters will probably tell me to speak to my boss etc but many will ask me if I’ve been to the GP to get help or if I’ve tried X, Y, Z

There’s a big chance that I’d have already been to the GP and tried X and Y.

Anxiety or any mental disorder is not different to a physical disorder and people will tell you to get help for both, even if it’s an obvious suggestion.

If you want to come one here and have a moan then that’s fine but you can’t get annoyed that people are trying to help you find solutions to your problems.

I didn't know the NHS website was able to botpost.

The practical advice you mentioned is just that.

Want to know what it isn't?

I agree with you OP. It is helpful it as a response to "I have anxiety and I find life hard", as a measurement of where you are, to open up areas for further discussion but it's so often not that. Sometimes it feels dismissive, and sometimes it can feel uncomfortable (Said on its own it can feel quite invalidating, and as if the treatment is the solution that you just haven't managed to work out for yourself). I suppose also the fact the anxiety can get cured and you will just stop having problems feels like they don't really understand as well. For some people anxiety is ingrained in their life, they are so used to it it's hard to imagine it gone. Anxiety is always going to be part of our life isn't it?, even in treatment or when we are healthy it can crop up?

You can tell mumsnet isn't really for me, can't you? Too many things that make me think too much! There are always going to be posts that wind me up. (and I bet my posts are irritating to some people) It's working out if the balance of positive versus negative is worth it.

Often it is used to undermine the op, make out that they are unreasonable. You also see " why are you so worked up", "why are you so angry" when the op has just put forward an opinion and not been untoward at all. All to make the op seem unhinged.

Sometimes I think posters are genuinely trying to help people realise that it is their anxiety speaking.

I cannot be alone in wishing so many people wouldn't use MN as their therapy session

Why exactly do you wish that?

I think it’s a very valid question. I see far too many threads where people,detail signficant issues and say their reaction, behaviour, treatment of others is due to their anxiety and if someone asks if they have sought help the answer is often oh I am waiting on counselling or I will call my gp, even though it’s been impacting Them for a decade or whatever.

my point being, if you habe mental health issues you need to treat it like any other health issue and seek help.

and @maddening excellent points thank you.

Yes anxiety is always a part of everyone's life.

I think toxic stress (which is only recently recognised in academia) is the cause most of the time.

I think like addiction it's a nuanced and subjective thing and takes deep inner work to remedy, but yes it will always be there.

May I ask, do you envisage yourself and hubby remaining on those meds for life? (I have no right to an answer to this question, that would be your choice)

I was on medication for PND which led to anxiety and psychosis.

The medication changed my life as it’s very difficult to get better using other methods eg exercise, food, etc when your body’s hormones/chemicals are all over the place.

When you are in such a dark place there is no way you can eat right or exercise or do things to help yourself.

You need to stabilise your body so you can learn how to cope and manage in other ways and then slowly wean yourself off the medication.

This was almost 10 years ago now and I’ve not needed any medication since.
I also have the tools to cope with my anxiety and low moods and I shouldn’t ever need medication again but if I do I won’t hesitate to go on them.

No kidding.

I think you are being a little unreasonable. I see your point and sometimes this phrase is used passive aggressively.

However often the OP doesn't seem to realise that their behaviour/reaction is a little extreme and that this may indicate an issue that they could get help for.

I appreciate that help is not easy to access and this is a problem but where anxiety is interfering with your life the NHS can help. Often it is medication and often there are long waiting lists for CBT or EMDR but some posters don't realise they have an issue or that help might be available.

I commend you. You seem to have used drugs to help and have seen intrinsic change which you carry through life with the option of using drugs again.

This was my approach and it takes so much work and strength so well done you.

Two reasons:
So often I see people dragging each other down on those threads

And frankly, it makes MN a depressing place to be

I sense genuine kindness in what you say.

That’s just happened to me, but after my first session they said I’ll have to wait up to 18 weeks for CBT.

@rejectshampoodemandtherealpoo

I don't want to rely on drugs. All drugs have a level of toxicity.

And that's your prerogative! In a world where I'm ingesting pollutants with every breath I draw and there are microplastics in the drinking water, I'll take the risk for the convenience of being able to live my life day to day :)

On the other hand I don't like chemical contraceptives because they DO affect me badly and the benefit is not worth the downside, so I fully empathise with your perspective - plenty of people think I'm irresponsible not being on the pill or somesuch when I don't want any more children as it's the most 'reliable' - but for me it's just not worth the negative effects on my body and mind. Doesn't mean I'd tell every woman the pill is a terrible idea, I know plenty of women use it without issue and even find it improves their lives in ways that go beyond contraception. We al make the decisions we need to to get by.

Yes it's a funny one with the pill isn't it. I was on it for 16 years, told to come off it by the GP since it could make me infertile.

I got pregnant whilst on it.

But it seemed to have absolutely zero impact on me... and I do mean zero (for which I'm grateful) funny how life turns out.

I presume you’re not at your best at the moment to say the least x I have also suffered from anxiety depression and all it’s ‘friends’ , throughout my late teens until my early 30’s and I completely understand how debilitating it can be and that it’s nothing to do with strength or anything like that x
i just thought I’d comment because I do see what you’re saying but I don’t think you’re right about the intentions of the commenter x I just think that maybe the person isn’t so clued up on certain wording and possibly didn’t really know what to suggest other than to ask if you’re getting what you need xx
I really hope I haven’t worded this in an offensive or tactless way but if I have at all please know that was not my intention xx
I have problems now that most people wouldn’t know what to do/think and everyone says how brave and strong I am but I often say how, ‘somewhat lesser’ problems like anxiety ect. can affect you worse on some days than ‘much worse’ things xx
Best wishes xxx

I agree it is condescending. However, it is useful to receive a reminder sometimes that your reaction is your anxiety talking iyswim. Also I do believe that people need to be responsible for their own health, I suffer greatly with anxiety and make sure I take meds (don’t know why you have slagged them off, they work great for lots of people) and have had therapy both NHS and private. There are people who seem to be aware of their condition but do absolutely nothing to manage it.