To ask the real reason you turned down that invite

[Noiamnotshe]

Saw another thread about relatives not going to family events and why should they need an excuse or should they go no Contact etc well I have lots of reasons to say no but I dont give reasons, wondering why you turned down that family birthday party/wedding/kids picnic, work event/girls drinks I have turned a relative birthday dinner, friends parties, weddings and work events down without excuses as don't want to tell people the reasons which have varied from

1. husband is being complete twat and don't want to be anywhere near him
2. uncles are total alcoholics and don't want to be bothered with the hassle of hearing tales of their drama and shit behaviour
3. another relative is complete racist and don't want to be in toxic company where I have to bite tongue and not say anything so as not to cause issue
4. too hot
5. feeling too stressed to pretend to be normal and have a happy conversation and not tell them all my worries
6. nothing to wear
7. not been to hairdresser in too long
8. can't really afford it
9. haven't the energy for smalltalk rather watch TV or read
10. it's too cold
11. I want to binge watch something I2) other relatives are very snobby and judgemental can't be bothered
12. it's too far to drive
13. very very tired
14. I do not want to mix with corporate banking people outside of work What's your excuse?

I’m embarrassed about how fat and ugly I got since the group last saw me

I don’t have anything interesting to say to anyone and feel painfully awkward in small talk settings

I have nothing to wear

I agree that if you don't want to go don't Offer an excuse. Once I made up an excuse not to go to a family event and my Sil checked and called me out so from then on I just say sorry can't come. Unfortunately it's taken me years to realise that just because someone invites you it's ok to say no just because you don't want to. I'm still working on not feeling guilty for not going but some off these events are torture and I'm just to old now to waste my time

I got too fat and didn't want to be seen by anyone snymore. Not just overweight but being pointed at in the street and couldn't eat lunch with someone without people coming up to me to tell me that I should be ashamed and not eat (a normal lunch). And weirdly men aggressively bumping into me. Aggressive communication in general for just existing and doing/asking normal requests. I got therapy for my mental health issues, lost 5 stone without hardly trying, am still overweight but people treat me normally again.

I had a hurtful rift with someone else who would attend and I didn't think that I could get through the day without crying.

Having seen how selfish some of my DH’s family has been over his DF’s need for care/help, and how they didn’t care when DH had MH problems, I can’t stand to be in the same room as them.

Honestly? I feel more content walking around the forest outside my house than I do socialising with ANYONE.

Yet I moan about how lonely I am 🤔

Because my mental health is shit

I think some friends have distanced themselves from me because I've not been able to make every social gathering recently. It hurts but many of the reasons PP have said applied to me too. Sometimes I've been honest, but sometimes I don't want to feel judged by giving the genuine reason. And I would be judged because I've heard the same group bad mouth other mutual friends for their "flakey" reasons (in their opinion). I actually tried to defend those mutual friends in the past but now I've been put in the same bucket I think. I try not to care but it's hard!

My mental health is shit
I was crying too much so my eyelids are swollen

Too stressed with stuff that people don't want to hear about

I wanted to spend time with puppy instead….

My mental health is crap. Really, really poor atm.
I'm going out of obligation to a family member I haven't seen for years and don't even keep in regular contact with.
I don't drink and everyone else will drink a lot.
It'll go on much too long.
I detest BBQs.
I'll have to make small talk for hours.
( I'm actually in the process of composing a msg to get out of something right this minute and I certainly can't cite any of the above. I've made up my mind I'm not going even though it'll cause pretty awful ructions. I'm putting myself first this time).

I don't fancy it.

I won't leave my pets all day and all evening.

I've reached my 'social events' limit for the week.

Because it's always me running after DD who's 3 and a bit too young to be left unsupervised at a garden/grill party with a pool. She'll play with the other children and I always end up as the unpaid babysitter watching everyone's kids for 4 fucking hours while DH and his friends sit with their wine and conversation. If I stay home then I only have to take care of 1 and can also make myself a coffee in between.

I find many social situations difficult and exhausting and I’m now of an age where I don’t care what people think about whether I go or not as their opinions no longer matter.

im getting more selfish as I get older and see no reason to spend time with people who don’t bother with me the rest of the time (particularly when I’ve made the effort in the past with them).

babysitting is a pain is the arse to organise.

transport back is a pain to organise and/or expensive if I want to drink.

people I would normally talk to aren’t going

My self esteem is low. I hate how I look.
It's too hot. I feel judged. I'm not very interesting. Or smart. I feel people don't really want to talk to me.

The list goes on and on and on

I hate going out as it’s just to make my partner look like a good dad. I run round after the kids being Mrs Entertainer.
I’m not ‘allowed’ to see my old friends and it’s been such a long time since I last saw them that they didn’t invite me anymore.

My child won't be able to cope with the noise and so many different people and I can't be bothered to go through all that just for a few hours of small talk.

I can't afford it.

I have nothing to wear.

There's something on the next night and my kids can't manage both.

I can't be bothered with small talk, it exhausts me even though I'm often right there in the middle of any gathering. I don't enjoy it as much as I look like I do.

Parking is too difficult.

For me it’s always about the hassle of getting there and getting back (usually a night out.) Do I drive? Where do I park? Will it be busy? Can I get back in time? Should I get a taxi? How much would that be? Is it worth it? Etc etc

Because I find socialising exhausting and so it really has to be with people I love or am very good friends with, otherwise it's not worth exhausting myself over 🤷🏼‍♀️I'd then rather spend the time with DH / DS or reading / writing.

”Sorry but my new rescue pussy wants to be held like a baby and lay upside down in my arms while I tickle his belly and watch Better Call Saul.”

Or if I do force myself to go. “Sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.”

Because am literally just pregnant (after a mc) and don't want to dodge the constant questions re why not drinking so have said work too busy!

All the above reasons! But, like a PP, I am also lonely.

Because I don’t like the way I look and don’t like any of my clothes and I think people will think I’m weird.
I’m in a world of pain and stress and don’t know if I can face sitting and chatting happily whilst spending most of the day imagining throwing myself under a train.

Can't be arsed.
Would much rather watch football.
Am not a vegetarian and don't want to spend the event discussing food and why you shouldn't eat meat and whether or not to go vegan.
Too windy and my hair will get blown all over the place outside.
My ankles are too swollen and I'll look daft in sandals.

I can't be arsed with people.

DP NEVER wants to leave. When I reach the point where I really just want to go home - bored, tired, sick of making stupid, endless small talk - DP wants to stay to the bitter end - and then some. He doesn't drive, so I end up feeling like the bad guy for spoiling his fun. It puts me off going at all.

We don’t go if we don’t like them enough to give our time, that’s it. We have accepted almost all events and a lot of them involved travelling to America and Spain over the last 27 years.