To ask the real reason you turned down that invite

[Noiamnotshe]

Saw another thread about relatives not going to family events and why should they need an excuse or should they go no Contact etc well I have lots of reasons to say no but I dont give reasons, wondering why you turned down that family birthday party/wedding/kids picnic, work event/girls drinks I have turned a relative birthday dinner, friends parties, weddings and work events down without excuses as don't want to tell people the reasons which have varied from

1. husband is being complete twat and don't want to be anywhere near him
2. uncles are total alcoholics and don't want to be bothered with the hassle of hearing tales of their drama and shit behaviour
3. another relative is complete racist and don't want to be in toxic company where I have to bite tongue and not say anything so as not to cause issue
4. too hot
5. feeling too stressed to pretend to be normal and have a happy conversation and not tell them all my worries
6. nothing to wear
7. not been to hairdresser in too long
8. can't really afford it
9. haven't the energy for smalltalk rather watch TV or read
10. it's too cold
11. I want to binge watch something I2) other relatives are very snobby and judgemental can't be bothered
12. it's too far to drive
13. very very tired
14. I do not want to mix with corporate banking people outside of work What's your excuse?

Don't give a reason, excuse or apology - just say "I won't be coming." Not, "I can't come" or "I'm busy" - I find it best to avoid lying but also to avoid telling the truth which everyone knows and applies in just about every case: "There is something else that I need to do or would rather do."

Great idea for a thread:

1. I've piled on so much weight that nothing fits and I can't bear the thought of spending money on new fancy going out clothes in a larger size. I'll look awful next to slim friends or can't face the criticism from relatives about my size.
2. It's a fancy instagramable restaurant which is very expensive, with mediocre food I could make at home. Then a bar where cocktails are £15 a go. I have the money but it will put a serious dent in my outgoings for the next couple of months and I'd rather spend it on a nice, quieter restaurant with good food with DH, or a weekend away.
3. Because we can't just have "a night out" it has to involve an overnight stay. I snore and have IBS - not a great recipe for sharing a room.
4. I'm the only childless adult in the group of friends and the last time we went out, it was 3 hours before I was included in the conversation. When I tried to join in (because I am interested in your kids) I was laughed at because I had nothing of the situation.
5. I hate your husband and don't want to be mansplained to all night.
6. Because I can't be arsed with all your drama.

(All the above are directed at specific people/groups. And there there's)

1. I had already planned a nice evening on the sofa with the telly and was looking forward to it.

Oh my god, you’re me! This is EXACTLY how I feel

Most of the time I give an excuse of some sort. The real reason is I just can't be bothered. If I really wanted to go to whatever it was my 'excuse ' wouldn't stop me because it's just an excuse and not the real reason why I turn down the invite.

because my exH was a shithead and i couldn't trust him with the kids on his own
because my exH was an asshole and told me i wasn't allowed to go.

because i couldn't be arsed
didnt like the people
would rather poke myself in the eye with a needle than socialise with the people i work with.

i hate going to night clubs
i hate going to strip bars
i dont eat the type of food at the restaurant they're going to

i don't feel like being the unpaid childcare while everyone else sits around talking and ignoring their offspring because 'oh.. you're so good with the kids, and they all love their Aunty Artix'

i might have a better option and would rather keep my diary open for that.

Too many hangups. Overweight, neurodiverse, introverted, will inevitably compare myself to others, risk of hyper awareness of my differences leading to (even more) self-consciousness, don't fancy being talked over or saying something that leads to tumbleweed moments, certainly don't want the risk of being on the receiving end of judgy "banter", too much surrounding noise could lead to sensory overload, and I can no longer be arsed to feign interest particularly when listening to stealth boasts. Reminds me too much of my own lack of achievements in life due to my conditions 😳

I'm a delight 😃

I actually find some of these replies really sad.
I always think socialising is a skill you can learn like tennis or baking cakes. Ok you might never be the next Serena Williams or Mary Berry, but you could have a fun games or make a decent cake.
You might say but why bother? The thing is we seem to be a generation of people who can’t communicate and end up lonely and with mental health problems. It’s been shown that wfh is bad for people’s mental health but it seems to be loved on MN.
Go on try going out you might actually enjoy it if you put a bit of effort in.

We often make excuses for “kids welcome” daytime parties, because if you’re the only non-parents there, every conversation is either about children, or is cut short by a child. Often both. You just stand around awkwardly saying “oh no, no problem, don’t worry” over and over again until you can think of a reason to leave. There are better ways to spend an afternoon.

I've stopped going to family gatherings on my dad's side, because we basically only get together once every 8 years or so, and it's always a massively painful experience because we don't talk inbetween bar exchanging Christmas cards, so it's like being in a room full of strangers for 48 hours (we always do a full weekend as people travel from all over the country).

I literally know more about my postman, and I wouldn't spend 48 hours with him, so I don't know why I have to do it with these people just because we happen to share some genetics.

I want to spend my time with my mum's side of the family, and with my own little family, who actually act like a family should.

Because I don't have the energy to be sociable
Because I'm feeling overwhelmed with other peoples demands on my time
Because I have no interest in/don't like whatever is planned
Because I just can't face being around children after 6 years of trying and giving up
Because I'm exhausted
Because I'm in pain
Because I don't seem to be able to get the mask to be invisible today
Because I hate the way I look and am embarrassed
Because I think I won't be able to do that activity thanks to my weight

I’m an extrovert and love socialising! So for me I’m up for most events. Except if they involve lots of alcohol (I’m not a big drinker) or they clash with something else.

I know lots of you on here are not going because of your weight. Please don’t let that stop you having a life!!!

This x 1000

Why aren’t you allowed to see your friends?

I don't want to drive three hours, pay for a hotel and dinner only so I can attend an evening only wedding invite while at the same time being expected to fork out on the ludicrously expensive wedding list you pair of grabby entitled cunts.

I turned down a party invite recently because, I didn't have anything nice to wear, I have big boobs so trying to find a dress or a really nice top to wear that fits well and doesnt gap or pull over said boobs is next impossible.

Also have facial scarring from surgery that I would have felt self conscious about, especially in large crowds or groups of people.

I just said I couldn't make it.

I turn down any family invitations to my parents because they invite every waif and stray, there's never enough comfortable seats and I can't stand most of the people invited.
I've told my mum why I don't turn up. She's accepted it and only invites me to the smaller gatherings now

I would love to be honest with my ILs “I just don’t like you and find spending time with you either painful or tedious. I’d rather tidy my kitchen cupboards”.

But I won’t, so my go-to excuses include ‘sorry I have so much work to do’ or ‘oh I’m already busy then’ (and immediately make plans). Or I end up going and being bored/feeling like a hypocrite because I’m miserable.

You didn't attend an event because it was too hot?

🤣
I decline Evening only invites for this reason too unless it's super local

I’ve made excuses to avoid various get together with dh’s family. They all drink too much and want to drink for lunch and all afternoon, and then they get really loud and annoying. I don’t like the fact that they sneer at me for just wanting a cup of tea like I’m some party pooper. I do drink but only a glass in the evening, and daytime drinking makes me feel horrible.

plus dh reverts to being a stroppy teenager when he’s around his mother and I can’t bear it,

I like going out, love seeing friends but when it comes to it my energy has completely deserted me I would do anything to curl up in bed. In spirit I am there, in reality I am getting too old to have the kind of social life I used to have. My body is letting me down.

1. I can't be arsed.
2. I find DH's family simultaneously stressful and boring so don't want to spend anymore time with them than I absolutely have to.
3. I have bad PMS so temporarily hate everyone and everything.
4. DH and I have both been busy with work so haven't seen much of each other all week and as cheesy as it sounds, there's no one whose company I prefer to his.
5. It's too hot.
6. My endometriosis is flaring up so I'm bleeding through multiple layers of san pro.
7. I don't like your DH and don't want to spend the evening listening to his terrible political takes that no one asked for but he thinks the whole world needs to hear.

It's making me laugh out loud! Very entertaining 😂

You didn't attend an event because it was too hot?

I'm menopausal and finding the heat really difficult. I wouldn't decline a major event like a wedding or a night out with people I don't get to see much. But the other night I was on the fence about whether I could be bothered to go out for drinks anyway, when it reached 34° that made the decision for me as the prospect of walking into town so i could sit sweating in a non-air conditioned pub wasn't very appealing.