To ask the real reason you turned down that invite

[Noiamnotshe]

Saw another thread about relatives not going to family events and why should they need an excuse or should they go no Contact etc well I have lots of reasons to say no but I dont give reasons, wondering why you turned down that family birthday party/wedding/kids picnic, work event/girls drinks I have turned a relative birthday dinner, friends parties, weddings and work events down without excuses as don't want to tell people the reasons which have varied from

1. husband is being complete twat and don't want to be anywhere near him
2. uncles are total alcoholics and don't want to be bothered with the hassle of hearing tales of their drama and shit behaviour
3. another relative is complete racist and don't want to be in toxic company where I have to bite tongue and not say anything so as not to cause issue
4. too hot
5. feeling too stressed to pretend to be normal and have a happy conversation and not tell them all my worries
6. nothing to wear
7. not been to hairdresser in too long
8. can't really afford it
9. haven't the energy for smalltalk rather watch TV or read
10. it's too cold
11. I want to binge watch something I2) other relatives are very snobby and judgemental can't be bothered
12. it's too far to drive
13. very very tired
14. I do not want to mix with corporate banking people outside of work What's your excuse?

I just don't like socialising for the sake of 'socialising'. I do have lots of friends but I would rather do something specific ie; I meet up with people through volunteering etc so we have a joint interest, just sitting around chatting about holidays, what our DC are doing etc etc just bores me rigid. And I stick to the rule of never discussing politics so I really don't want to hear peoples views on the cost of living crisis (usually with a large glass of wine in hand) or the Tory Leadership election.

Because I hate travelling into London to spend time with people I don’t really know or want to get to know.

Clinkey my DH is like that, he loves socialising and I end up kicking him to make him realise it's time to go home! But the joy of getting older is that I no longer feel I have to accept invitations just to be 'polite'. I am quite happy to say 'no thank you' and my DH can go to things on his own although he no longer gets many invites

Just really can't be bothered

I just don't want to, I find it draining and boring and i would rather be at home!

Because it's bloody miles away, your husband doesn't even know my kids names and was so bloody rude to us when we drove 6 hours to see you the last time!

I've started to make the effort for people that make the effort for us.

I don't want to be around your pets (especially the ones that lick the dishes).

I have to justify the expense these days so if I don't want to go I'm less likely to.

Logistics and expense - babysitter/ parking/ taxi etc.

Sympathies, OP, but if you hear racist comments it is not best to bite your tongue and stay silent. It should be called out every time. Similarly, if men hear misogynistic comments from other men, they should call it out too, not just let these things go unchallenged - that is how they are perpetuated.

Because I don't like you enough to interrupt my normal happy schedule to accommodate your invite and will spend my time buying my tongue not to tell you what an utter twat you are. Mainly to my sister...who can be an utter toxic twat.

I have managed to avoid catching Covid and I’d like to keep it that way. DH and I are CV and you will all want to hug/kiss us. You will get offended and say I’m weird when I move away and say no hugs please. You are not bothered if we are sitting somewhere crowded and one of you is clearly feeling unwell. I have given up trying to explain any of the above so it’s easier to make an excuse and not see you.

I just can’t be arsed and I’d rather blankly watch TV than engage with you.

Because I am an introvert in a very public facing role and I can’t spend all my downtime amongst people as well, however lovely they are. I will burn out.

I think your fiancée could do a lot better and I don't want to spend money/cash in babysitting favours to watch a wedding I don't think should be happening.

Child can't cope with social occasions ( unfamiliar people, shrieky excitable kids, babies crying, people invading his space, general noise, not knowing what is going on, nowhere to escape to) and we have no one to leave him with.
Child needs 2:1 care lots of the time so we can never both go to anything and only one person for the minimum amount of time and never overnight.

I was invited to a wedding and I really want to go. But some of the other attendees are people who bullied me out of a friendship group about five years ago. I would happily ignore them in order to attend mutual friend’s wedding, but I know for a fact they won’t ignore me. They’ll have a few drinks and start making nasty remarks and giggling, and if they approach me face to face I’ll end up answering back. I don’t want to cause a scene at mutual friend’s wedding, they’re lovely and don’t deserve that. So I’ve very sadly declined the invitation.

Usually just can't be arsed

Am a massive introvert and my job involves interaction with people all day so on my days off I just need headspace

Crap at knowing what to wear - the number of times I'm in a dress and everyone else in jeans or vice versa!

But mainly just can't be arsed 😂

I go and after an hour I’m talked out and just want to leave. But my husband is the social butterfly and unless I can get home solo, I’ll have to wait hours and hours before he is ready to leave. So it’s easier to just not go.

I used to drink and then I didn’t get the talked out feeling, because I was happily talking drivel along with everybody else.

But when I had my DD, I started drinking far less because the early mornings with her was a killer. But I still couldn’t drag my husband away, so it was better to be just tired rather than tired and hungover.

I have two friends from the baby years that I love to see but they live a long way away. The only time I drink now is once a year when we all get together.

Other than that, I just know I will enjoy myself more staying at home watching tv. I feel I’m old enough to know what I want.

Because some of my in laws are embarrassing clampits.

Because one of my relatives is a walking anxious OCD disaster and I cannot cope with them AND two kids at the same time.

Because I'm skint

Because even though you say its girls only I would bet my house on the fact that your DH will turn up. And he's a twat.

Because I'd sooner spend the evening in my PJs eating my body weight in Pizza than meet up with someone who doesn't even know my kids names.

Great thread @Noiamnotshe !

My top reasons:

• cant afford it
• fell out with DH and can be bothered to pretend in front of other people
• logistics - taxis, trains, babysitting etc
• At some events i know i will be the only black person there and i am tired of that dynamic now
• not sure what to wear
• i hate paying above the odds for drinks in bars or restaurants when i can just enjoy my cheaper drinks at home
• socially awkward esp at work events

I’m quite introverted and find socialising hard work, especially after a day at work and I’m just “peopled” out.

Another one whose DH never wants to leave anywhere

My DD has some disabilities and I’m fed up with explaining them over and over again, plus the stupid comments from people who think they’re funny

Their music is too loud - some of my friends have to play loud music all the time, I can’t hear myself think, conversations are hard work so I give up and it just gets boring

I hate pubs when there’s nowhere to sit

People keep pestering me to dance - I have to be in the mood, otherwise I just feel awkward and don’t know what to do with my hands

I have no interest in going to a strangers party, don't want to make small talk.

I just don't want to go.

Oh and can't fucking stand most of the other people going.

I am happy to say this however DH likes to make up something else I let him crack on.

I'm a delight clearly 🤗

Because we are a house of significant long term illnesses and DS or I are too unwell or recovering from a flare and need to avoid other people's germs.

This. Massive introvert here and there’s only so much peopling I can manage before needing a quiet lie down in a darkened room! If I can go for an hour then fab, if I’m going to be stuck there for many hours relying on someone else to give me a lift home, I’ll probably make an excuse and not go.

I think for me my list would be:

1. Sorry but I'd hate it
2. You are nice people, but the 40 hours a week I already spend with you at work are enough
3. I do not want to spend money on putting together a fancy dress costume that fits your fairly narrow theme
4. It's a barn dance. No
5. My football team's important game is on the telly that night
6. I can put up with you because I've known you for years but I would not want to inflict you on DP and would be slightly embarrassed if I did so
7. You're lovely, but we only really know each other due to one common interest and I can tell from your social media that I would not enjoy the company of your family and friends
8. Your husband is awful
9. If we come to your event we will have to book a hotel room, and if I can afford a hotel I'd rather spend that money on a night away somewhere nice with DP rather than on a Holiday Inn Express in Woking for a distant cousin's 40th
10. I just want to put my feet up and read a book/watch telly
11. I've already socialised once this week and that was enough, thanks
12. A toddler's birthday is not really that interesting for two childless adults
13. Last time we came to your house your boyfriend got very drunk and seemed to think we had stolen his wallet

God this is a depressing thread.

In future I won't bother organising / spending money on social events as this thread makes me think that 90% of my friends don't actually want to come!!