Stepkids are "our" kids

[sayless]

When I met DP he was a stepdad. He'd been in her life since she was 6 months old and raised her as his own. He split with her mum when she was 3. He still saw her every weekend and provided for her by buying things (not giving cash as her mum had a drink and weed problem). The mum stopped him seeing her about 9 months ago when she moved her new boyfriend in.

I have two girls (7 & 12), their dad died 5 years ago so obviously isn't around. DP is their stepdad and in that role, they adore him.

This is probably all in my head but I feel like how can he love my kids when he met them at an older age? How can he love them like his own when they aren't?

He doesn't have any bio children. He's only 32 so it is something we may consider in future but he says he's happy to have them or not have them as he knows it's not ideal for me (I'm 35, my kids were prem and I nearly died in labour).

I see so many couples who split up and stepdad isn't interested in seeing the kids anymore...

AIBU yes stepdads can love kids like their own

YNBU it isn't the same bond

Oh FFS speak for yourself. The step parents on MN do not try and convince people who do love their step children like their own that they do not, they try to demonstrate that it is also perfectly normal and common to NOT feel that way. We do not feel bad for not feeling that way as you very arrogantly assume, the point is that you shouldn't have to feel bad for feeling that way and you shouldn't accept people (like you) telling you you should, because it's a perfectly natural way to feel.

Sorry I didn’t see a follow up will backtrack

I love this!

Love can be different and that's okay. You don't even love two partners in your life the same way probably.

Doesn't make the love any better or worse, just different. Your partner sounds like a great guy OP and I'd try not to worry. He probably loves them the best that he knows how to, as much as he can - and if his actions show that that's the most important thing.

We fostered a girl at the age of 13. Along with our "own children" of course we love her just as much. They are all now adults, best friends and we are a tight family She's our daughter. You are projecting something onto this that isn't there

🤣

See what I mean op?

Do you find the countless adoptive parents in this country to be pretty weird?

See what I mean op?

What you mean is "I am arrogant and like to totally talk out of my arse about things I don't understand"

I wouldn't die for my DSC like I would my DC but that's ok

of course we love her just as much

”of course” for you but I can assure you “absolutely not possible” for me and others on this thread

But they are related. They are the child’s adopted parents.

i don’t regard step parents as automatic relatives of their step children just because their mother happened to fall in love with a particular man

My DH loves my DC as if they are his own

how on earth can you know that.

what you mean is…

My DH treats my DC as if they are his own, which is what’s really important

You seem to be projecting a lot on this thread

Maybe you can have a think about why some step parents being able to genuinely love their step children makes you act out

But how can people say

”my partner loves my child as much as his own”

they simply can’t know that.

what they do know is that their partner treats their child no different to his own

@Endlesslypatient82

Then your definition of related to doesn't correlate with reality

Step children are related to their step parents

Related via marriage

Maybe the partner has told them this and they believe it

Why do you not believe this to be possible?

I’m not a step child
im not a step parent
my child don’t have any step parents

Can’t someone have an opinion on an issue which you disagree with without the other person “projecting”?! 😂

I see adopted parents as parents. Plain and simple. So I do believe they could love their adopted child the same as a biological child.

@Endlesslypatient82

Then why can't a step parent love their step child?

The mechanics are the same, especially as in some cases children live 100% with a step parent

I don’t doubt that some people can love a sc child or indeed a nephew or cousin third removed as much as their biological child.

Me? And others on this thread? Unfathomable.

neither stance is right or wrong

@Endlesslypatient82 then why are you so bothered by this

Why can't you accept many step parents genuinely love their step children as much as their own

I have never said a step parent can’t love their sc!!

i said it was unfathomable to me!!

I’m not “so bothered”

it’s a discussion site. I’m discussing!

@Endlesslypatient82

No, you were questioning people who said their partners loved their SC as much as their own

If it's not for you fine (I'll have my own judgement on that but whatever)

But don't question how can someone know their partner loves their SC.

I’m flicking through a mag, doing an Ocado shop and posting on mumsnet all at the same time - I can reassure you that “bothered” I am not! 😂

If it doesn't apply, let it fly, as they say. Do you homes need to clarify every statement that people make.

'I like to go swimming in the evening'
'Some of us have children and don't have time to do that!'