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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To speak to my neighbours about their shrieking children?

167 replies

Capricorn8990 · 17/08/2022 16:38

Now I don’t mind hearing children laugh, play and shout but I am really struggling with my neighbours children squealing and shrieking. I can’t even sit in my garden at the moment. My neighbour has her friend over most days who also has 2 children and they all squeal and shriek. This can go on for hours..

Neither adults ask them to be quiet and it’s really making me miserable cos we can’t even sit outside.

AIBU to speak to my neighbour about this? We get on well but not sure how I would approach it.

OP posts:
ithoughtitmihtbenicetochat · 17/08/2022 20:03

I have two, same age, I may well be the person you're talking about.

I do my absolute best to make them stop.
One is under diagnosis for ADHD and makes that infuriating noise all fucking day. Then the little one copies it.
So if you are my neighbour and you come and talk to me, you'll get a mouthful. I know it's annoying, it annoys me, I cry when they are outside. Them being outside means they don't see me sobbing into a tea towel.

I'm doing my best.
They don't have off switches.
If I bring them inside when the squeal they fight, or continue it inside.

I genuinely am doing my best.

sunshineandshowers40 · 17/08/2022 20:03

Shrieking and screaming is annoying but it is the summer holidays and the forecast is rain now, so that should put a stop to it. If my DC scream I do ask them to stop. One of mine is a teen and still shrieks on occasion.

I'm not sure speaking to your neighbour will help especially if they are not already pulling their DC up on it. Not long till winter!

ElegantAndWild · 17/08/2022 20:05

Would this be a productive conversation?

I suspect not. So it's not one worth having.

You'll be on edge, she'll be on edge and nobody wins.

hangrylady · 17/08/2022 20:06

Jelly0naplate · 17/08/2022 17:03

Get them told to get their kids inside and sat Infront of a screen with a chocolate bar for 7 hours a day!

How dare they enjoy their garden and summer holidays!

🙄

No. There is a difference between kids playing outside, laughing and shouting and the high pitched shrieking that some kids do. It's unnecessary and selfish.

Scrapologist · 17/08/2022 20:06

It's a shame that the summer holidays can only be enjoyed by shrieking and screaming at the top of your lungs. I must never have enjoyed mine, as a child, because I was most definitely not allowed to shriek piercingly. It's almost as though children can have fun without screaming.

ElegantAndWild · 17/08/2022 20:07

@ithoughtitmihtbenicetochat Flowers

Hopefully your neighbours aren't bothered. Not everyone is. I'm sorry you're having a hard time though. One foot in front of the other.

hangrylady · 17/08/2022 20:08

abovedecknotbelow · 17/08/2022 19:22

If my kids scream or shout they got brought in, I can't bear it never mind anyone else. They know it's not acceptable so they don't do it.

Same. It's totally unnecessary.

rainbowmilk · 17/08/2022 20:09

I also dislike the “it’s summer!” refrain as it’s summer for everyone. It’s essentially saying that adults don’t get to enjoy their gardens in summer as children are the ones that matter. It being summer is why it’s an issue - that’s the time everyone wants to enjoy the weather, not just screamers!

hangrylady · 17/08/2022 20:10

unicormb · 17/08/2022 19:47

It's. The. Summer. Holidays.

So? Does that make you unable to parent your kids?

YukoandHiro · 17/08/2022 20:14

Please don't do this. If you get on well it's going to poison relations. The summer holidays are over in 2.5 weeks and the weather will turn too.
Children shriek when they are having fun. If you bring this up she will feel forced to either keep them inside (less healthy for them) or be out of the house more often. Please let these children just enjoy their own home for the summer. They will gore out of it ina couple of years

sweeetpotato · 17/08/2022 20:14

A responsible parent will tell the kids to play in a reasonable way, laughing and talking and singing, all fine.

There is no need for incessant squealing and screaming. If my kids were doing that and not stopping when asked I'd bring them inside until they could behave.

My child is autistic and when he has a meltdown I bring him inside until he is calm, there's no need to inflict the noise on everyone else around us.

UWhatNow · 17/08/2022 20:18

“So if you are my neighbour and you come and talk to me, you'll get a mouthful.”

Wow. Funny how empathy for you only goes one way… 🙄

Redburnett · 17/08/2022 20:19

It's the school holidays. Children playing in a garden is normal.

ElegantAndWild · 17/08/2022 20:20

She's crying into a tea towel and is obviously at the end of her rope.

hangrylady · 17/08/2022 20:21

Redburnett · 17/08/2022 20:19

It's the school holidays. Children playing in a garden is normal.

Why don't you actually read the OP. She's not complaining about playing and normal noise, but high pitched shrieking. It's clear on this thread which posters let their kids do this without a thought for anyone else.

Arbesque · 17/08/2022 20:26

Jelly0naplate · 17/08/2022 17:03

Get them told to get their kids inside and sat Infront of a screen with a chocolate bar for 7 hours a day!

How dare they enjoy their garden and summer holidays!

🙄

Because, of course, there's no middle ground or no such thing as compromise.

Whatkindoflifeisthis · 17/08/2022 20:29

ithoughtitmihtbenicetochat · 17/08/2022 20:03

I have two, same age, I may well be the person you're talking about.

I do my absolute best to make them stop.
One is under diagnosis for ADHD and makes that infuriating noise all fucking day. Then the little one copies it.
So if you are my neighbour and you come and talk to me, you'll get a mouthful. I know it's annoying, it annoys me, I cry when they are outside. Them being outside means they don't see me sobbing into a tea towel.

I'm doing my best.
They don't have off switches.
If I bring them inside when the squeal they fight, or continue it inside.

I genuinely am doing my best.

Why would you give someone a mouthful? Surely you can just say what you've said here? It isn't unreasonable for someone to be at the end of their tether with constant shrieking.

Arbesque · 17/08/2022 20:31

ElegantAndWild · 17/08/2022 20:20

She's crying into a tea towel and is obviously at the end of her rope.

Yes but giving her long suffering neighbours a mouthful isn't going to help anyone.If a neighbour complains explain, apologise try to work something out.
Coming across as aggressive and defensive isn't going to achieve empathy, helping the neighbours understand you're in a vulnerable situation and doing your best will win compassion from any decent neighbour.

ElegantAndWild · 17/08/2022 20:32

Whatkindoflifeisthis · 17/08/2022 20:29

Why would you give someone a mouthful? Surely you can just say what you've said here? It isn't unreasonable for someone to be at the end of their tether with constant shrieking.

Show quote history

FFS she's already said she's crying into a tea towel. Usually when people are as upset as all that I wouldn't expect them to be having in depth conversations about painful situations that ultimately have little chance of successful short term resolution.

MsTSwift · 17/08/2022 20:35

We decided as a family to seek out adult only hotels or self cater and never share a pool again. Once you are through the small kid zone your tolerance goes. Weird that some families with small children are absolutely fine and potter and play nicely whilst others have screaming hell demons. I need to be where they are not.

surreygirl1987 · 17/08/2022 20:36

The OP says the children are squealing and shrieking. I must admit, my two squeal and shriek with joy and excitement. But fgs they are 2 and 3 years old! Had the OP even said how old the kids next door are? Big difference between if they're and 14!!

In my circumstance, I have apologised to my neighbours (we get along - one side sometimes comes over for drinks in the evening when the kids are in bed) and they've said it's fine and it's lovely to hear them playing so happily. We'll give them a nice Christmas present at Christmas time as an extra apology. I know it's not ideal, but the noise of children playing is kind of what you get when living next door to children! You could always move! (We lived next door to a dog that barked incessantly, day and night, and we did move!).

But I don't think you'll do any good saying anything. I also agree with the PP who mentioned about kids not being parked on screens etc. I know people say there's a middle ground, but I know of SO many people who park their kids on screens when out and about to keep them quiet... she's got a point!

thoroughlypipinghotbeforeserving · 17/08/2022 20:37

I'm not sure how I would approach it

Probably because of how it would sound. e.g. 'can you keep your kids quiet in the garden its disturbing me' Really ?

YABU

PhatPaws · 17/08/2022 20:39

we can’t even sit outside.

Why?

thoroughlypipinghotbeforeserving · 17/08/2022 20:42

PhatPaws · 17/08/2022 20:39

we can’t even sit outside.

Why?

Presumably because of the squealing and shrieking aka playing

Paythosebitchesnomind269 · 17/08/2022 20:45

My neighbour is moaning about my children being out in the garden. I am so tired of being on edge asking them to use lower voices and yet he can be building a shed or laying a patio at all hours. Sunday night he had music blaring and burning god knows what in a firepit. Neighbour practically lives in his garden and we use ours maybe an hour a day if that 🙄 I think if you live in a housing estate you need to accept you will hear other people 🤷🏻‍♀️