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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a moan re: DH endurance sports event

154 replies

entropynow · 17/08/2022 15:00

So I have to drive him for four hours to the event ( to save his energy), stay up for 24 hours straight feeding him drinks and energy bars every 40 mins then drive him back another 4 h after he's ( well we've) had a long sleep - he'll be too stiff to drive.
Grrrr. I am SO not feeling the supportive spouse vibe right now.
Moan moan moan sthu, I know. He swore that the last time was it, but I ought to have known better. What is it with fundamentally pointless ( imo) sports challenges?
And yes, if I don't go he can't do it - everyone brings their own support person/ team.

OP posts:
Coachwork · 17/08/2022 16:41

Or other events she isn't allowed a support team and has to buy food en route.

butteriesplease · 17/08/2022 16:43

I feel your pain. I have just never engaged with this. for ultra stuff you need a team, not just your wife/best pal whatever. He needs to get a proper support team in place. you can't support if you have to stay up for 24hours anyway for basic reasons of safety I would imagine.
If you are feeling mega generous, do the driving, cheer him at the start and meet him at the end. his support TEAM can do the stuff in the middle.

JaffavsCookie · 17/08/2022 16:45

I think you need to find at least one other crew member and pair up, so during the night you do eg 3 h on, 3 h off and look after both your athletes

TooBored1 · 17/08/2022 16:46

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 17/08/2022 15:09

Its never women who have these inconvenient hobbies is it?

Actually I do. My DH has been kind enough to drive me long distances to events, let me train over the weekend for months in the run up/look after kids solo and generally be supportive.

LadyHelenaJustina · 17/08/2022 16:47

There are many women who do similar things. A friend of mine does 24 hour sports events, and I support her races. I love it.

pd339 · 17/08/2022 16:48

I do understand why people do such challenges, and I also understand why they need a support person. But that person doesn't have to be you - get him to ask a friend of his. Better that than you being a grump about it!

ReviewingTheSituation · 17/08/2022 16:50

I know quite a few ultra runners, who do (what seems to me) bonkers events, and their DH/DPs go along to support and crew. So it's not the preserve of females to do this role.

I can see why you're not looking forward to it OP. But good on you for doing it. I'm sure he appreciates the support. It would be the driving that I'd find tough. If he's anything like me, he might be grouchy/nervous on the way there, and knackered (asleep) on the way back, so a long drive with dubious company becomes quite a chore.

The bit I don't get though is why he needs feeding every 40 minutes? As an endurance athlete, surely he can go longer than that without nutrition? If it's something with laps, he doesn't need something from you EVERY lap (therefore giving you the chance of a bit more of a break, a snooze, a wander etc). And if he really is fuelling that often then surely he is only taking on something small, and can carry it with him in a flip belt/backpack/pocket etc - surely when he's training he is self-sufficient with water, gels, electrolytes, carbs or whatever?

SomeUnspokenThing · 17/08/2022 16:50

Just tell him he couldn't do it without you, take some/all the credit for his achievement, bask in the gratitude. If he's a good guy like you say he is then he'll be grateful and you can feel the love. Hope all goes well for both of you.

mondaytosunday · 17/08/2022 16:52

Jeez . Is the the man you said you'd love and support and cherish beyond all others? Of course you do it.

Galarunner · 17/08/2022 16:53

I do these kind of silly things as my hobby. I get a friend from my running club to support me and reciprocate when they want to something similar. I wouldn't ask my husband to do it as he really isn't interested in this kind of sport anymore. He has his own free time to do his hobby, sailing.

mondaytosunday · 17/08/2022 16:53

Though I'd insiste on staying an extra day in a local hotel so you both recover

OwningAllMyMistakes · 17/08/2022 17:07

Well the OP clearly loves her partner and is supportive and is ok to have a moan about it but plenty of women go out there and do lots of endurance activities and there’s supportive husbands partners who are equally as supportive so good on you for doing it and boo boo to those that on this thread are a really quite selfish with their comments.

Original poster
entropynow · 17/08/2022 17:10

mondaytosunday · 17/08/2022 16:52

Jeez . Is the the man you said you'd love and support and cherish beyond all others? Of course you do it.

I am doing it. What's your point?

OP posts:
Drivebye · 17/08/2022 17:12

I must admit I don't get why you posted! For an outlet?

I think the problem with posts like yours is that it's very 'oh he's so fab, I love supporting him' but when posters question it the OP gets defensive. I think these things are fine if it's mutual ie he supports or would support you in the same way. However more often than not the woman doesn't have their own hobbies but thinks it's so great their partner does. This then continues after they have children ie the man simply won't curtail his really important hobby.

Personally I don't get enough time for myself let along trailing around after a man like that but it obvs makes you happy - although you're moaning about it so it obvs doesn't.

lastminutedotcom22 · 17/08/2022 17:13

entropynow · 17/08/2022 15:03

@Drivebye
Because for some unfathomable reason it means a lot to him and he's a very good H generally. And I said I would.

If you agreed to it why are you moaning but it all sounds ridiculous I wouldnt do it not a chance

His hobby he can sort it out

Sirius3030 · 17/08/2022 17:14

Weird. Perhaps he enjoys it and thinks as part of a marriage you will support him. And perhaps he will do things for you? Such an odd concept here…

stayathomer · 17/08/2022 17:15

I was talking to a lady the other day who does endurance sports competitively once a month. She was going on about how amazing her dh was driving and giving out drinks, haribo jellies etc. when she went to the toilet I said to him about how great he was and he just kind of shrugged like he was wrecked. God bless the long suffering partners of sportsaholics!!!!

QuebecBagnet · 17/08/2022 17:18

Mymugisblue · 17/08/2022 16:34

Nope. The longest ultra marathon is about 3000 miles.

Ah presumably not in the UK? I'm thinking the Spine Race at 267 miles is one of the longest in the UK.

Monarchs way ultra is 615 miles in the uk. Theres also the jogle ultra which is about 800.

scissorsandsellotape · 17/08/2022 17:19

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 17/08/2022 15:09

Its never women who have these inconvenient hobbies is it?

So true

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 17/08/2022 17:24

Don't be a bloody martyr then.

If my husband done these, as you call them, "pointless challenges", there's no way on earth he would expect me to feed and water him and stay up for 24 hours.

It's your own fault 🙄

greatblueheron · 17/08/2022 17:27

Pay a friend's teenager(s) to do it.

Name99 · 17/08/2022 17:30

I also don't understand the feeding him every 40 min thing?

keeprunningupthathill · 17/08/2022 17:31

SunnyD44 · 17/08/2022 15:55

stay up for 24 hours straight feeding him drinks and energy bars every 40 mins

I don’t understand how you can physically do this?
If it’s a running marathon do you have to run along side him and put it in his mouth.
Why can’t he use his own hands?

I know I’m being very stupid but I’m just really confused.

This is what I don't understand, what are the logistics? I once did a 24 hour/63 mile walk thing. They had feeding stations set up every 10 miles or so. My partner came to pick me and my friends up after and dropped them home. I was rather grateful for that! There is no way I would have expected him to follow me round the course 😅

keeprunningupthathill · 17/08/2022 17:33

Name99 · 17/08/2022 17:30

I also don't understand the feeding him every 40 min thing?

Just posted the same. Maybe cycling and driving alongside? I don't know why it matters but it seems a massive ask for OP to feed him every 40 mins.

keeprunningupthathill · 17/08/2022 17:34

And also driving for four hours after staying up for 30 odd hours seems a crazy idea.