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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a moan re: DH endurance sports event

154 replies

entropynow · 17/08/2022 15:00

So I have to drive him for four hours to the event ( to save his energy), stay up for 24 hours straight feeding him drinks and energy bars every 40 mins then drive him back another 4 h after he's ( well we've) had a long sleep - he'll be too stiff to drive.
Grrrr. I am SO not feeling the supportive spouse vibe right now.
Moan moan moan sthu, I know. He swore that the last time was it, but I ought to have known better. What is it with fundamentally pointless ( imo) sports challenges?
And yes, if I don't go he can't do it - everyone brings their own support person/ team.

OP posts:
Brefugee · 17/08/2022 15:12

c'mon OP - what's the event?

Original poster
entropynow · 17/08/2022 15:13

notanothertakeaway · 17/08/2022 15:11

I'd probably be willing to do that once a year, perhaps twice, but only if I felt it was appreciated

If I felt taken for granted, it would be very different

It's very definitely appreciated 🙂
I just don't feel like doing it 🤷

OP posts:
Triffid1 · 17/08/2022 15:13

It does sound tedious. If it's only very occasional I think you get to enjoy a little martyrdom, roll your eyes a lot and totally enjoy some DH-free time down the pub/ away for the weekend etc as compensation. But if it's a frequent thing and you really hate it then yes, you need him to fin da new support partner.

My dad ran a few ultra marathons in the day. My mum loved it - she'd be planning routes and snacks and drinks, make friends with other supporters etc etc. But that wasn't 24 hours AND it was a whole social thing that she thrived on. If it's not your thing then that's a completely different situation.

confessionstoday · 17/08/2022 15:13

I'd do it but then I'm into these kind of events.
My best mate travelled to another country with me and supported me on an event.
It's 24 hours of yoyr life and he's generally supportive. I don't see the issue

Eunorition · 17/08/2022 15:15

entropynow · 17/08/2022 15:11

Because they aren't allowed to stop. I mean technically they could set up tables but it would seriously hack things up for the whole event. I've done it before, I'm just not working up any enthusiasm.

Show quote history

Hm, yeah I've done the Red Bull. You just drink from sachets. Alone. No mummy on hand to help.

I've not met guys who bring wives as helpers either? Tends to just be riders only. Haven't been since before Covid though. Maybe men got wetter and unable to open their own gel packs.

Sorry I just can't imagine being babyed by someone else. I do events to feel tough - I'd feel a right nob if DH was there being mummy.

Original poster
entropynow · 17/08/2022 15:16

@RenegadeMatron

He's not annoying. It's the stupid event that's annoying.

OP posts:
Isonthecase · 17/08/2022 15:17

Mine does a similar type of sport, thankfully there's a group of them that take turns to support each other so I've never had to beyond making sure he's well stocked with flapjacks and supporting his training. I'm surprised he's not got a group like that too and that you're having to support alone as it's usually done in shifts and recognised as probably harder than the actual race which is just head down and go for it.

FYI our rule is every time he does a race like that he does his best to reduce the impact on me and we go on a spa day together a few days later to recover. I'd thoroughly recommend both as a way of recognising your contribution. He also supports me really well if I want to do something like that too which helps massively.

RenegadeMatron · 17/08/2022 15:17

OK.

Poor you.

10HailMarys · 17/08/2022 15:18

As a one-off, or a once-every-few-years thing, I wouldn't mind (assuming you have a good relationships and you get support from him in return, of course). I'm pretty good at going for ages without sleep etc though. If it was a regular thing, though, I think I'd have to sit him down after this one and say 'Never - and I cannot stress this strongly enough - am I doing this again.'

OneTC · 17/08/2022 15:18

tbh the way you've described it sounds bloody awful and if struggle to be enthusiastic. Hopefully it'll be slightly more enjoyable one you're enduring it though.

I'm making a return to a sport tonight after a 7 week rest and I'm feeling weirdly nervous and unenthusiastic, making up excuses to myself to not go.

Original poster
entropynow · 17/08/2022 15:18

It's less than annual and yes, I know I agreed. You could all pray for a flash flood? No damage to life or limb, just a trail?

OP posts:
GoldenSpiral · 17/08/2022 15:19

I've done big endurance events (three peaks challenge, overnight bike rides and a 100km walk within a 30 hour time period) before and managed to work out ways around having an impact on my DH where possible. One challenge did involve an hour long drive to pick me up at the end but otherwise I've always managed to work it out myself.

DH did come with me when I ran a marathon but we made that into a mini break and it was really nice to have his support.

Don't feel you have to provide your support OP but if it is infrequent and appreciated, then I think he is NBU.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/08/2022 15:20

I'm certain that my DP would do it for me if I ever took leave of my senses like that decided I was going to do an ultra. But he'd do it because he wanted to, not because i demanded it of him.

Why aren't any of his usual running mates volunteering? Or members near to where he's going? That's the sort of thing that they do - support other runners.

ihavespoken · 17/08/2022 15:20

Can you tag team with someone else’s crew so you both get a couple of hours sleep?
Also helps keep up tolerance for a whiny runner(?) coming in every 40 mins if you aren’t totally shattered yourself 😁

Whatup · 17/08/2022 15:21

Cant he pay someone to do it ?

FairyLightAddict · 17/08/2022 15:21

Fuck that. Sounds horrendous

Hidingawaytoday · 17/08/2022 15:22

I'd do it for my DH if he was that way inclined. I'm sure he'd do it for me too. But can't you take someone else with you to share the feeding part so you're not up for 24 hours?

Glittertwins · 17/08/2022 15:22

I thought it was Spitfire Scramble at first but it's already been on and they can stop. I suppose you'll have some peace afterwards as he'll be knackered!

Hankunamatata · 17/08/2022 15:22

I'd be bollong hotel near the event to stay the night before and the night after

ZooMount · 17/08/2022 15:24

Gosh I can't believe everyone is piling on your DH for 'being a twat' Jesus Christ he's running an ultra-marathon which takes impressive dedication, determination and resilience, he's not going out on an all nighter and pissing over the kitchen floor. OP I do feel for you as it sounds like you're not as onto this as him and it's a real shame as I'd personally be well up for supporting my spouse if he did something like that, but it's not everyone's cup of tea. If you're not enjoying it then it sounds like you need to find a compromise. We can't all be into the same hobbies. Maybe you can go and split some of it with other friends, it's a lot to expect you to be the only support. I'm sure he really appreciates all your support ☺️

Brefugee · 17/08/2022 15:24

Sorry I just can't imagine being babyed by someone else. I do events to feel tough - I'd feel a right nob if DH was there being mummy.

you sound... nice
It is perfectly normal at a lot of these events to have a support person/team - even as an amateur - handing over a drink, banana, dry socks and it doesn't make anyone babyish or anything else.

If you think you have to do things alone to feel tough - have at it. But it is perfectly normal so you don't have to add to your self-perceived toughness by pissing on other people's chips.

Original poster
entropynow · 17/08/2022 15:25

10HailMarys · 17/08/2022 15:18

As a one-off, or a once-every-few-years thing, I wouldn't mind (assuming you have a good relationships and you get support from him in return, of course). I'm pretty good at going for ages without sleep etc though. If it was a regular thing, though, I think I'd have to sit him down after this one and say 'Never - and I cannot stress this strongly enough - am I doing this again.'

Believe me, that's the plan🤓

OP posts:
ReneBumsWombats · 17/08/2022 15:28

Have a moan, being supportive doesn't mean you have to like it. But you should get a sleep too, for safety if no other reason; don't drive tired. Maybe book a night in a hotel, then you can have a meal out or something to reward you both.

Original poster
entropynow · 17/08/2022 15:29

Yes we're bookending in a hotel for safety reasons

OP posts:
givemushypeasachance · 17/08/2022 15:29

Having support for ultra-endurance events is important tbh - at 4am, with low blood sugar and exhausted, runners/competitors generally need to be told to stop and eat and drink. If they don't fuel they crash, but counterintuitively the more tired and depleted they are the less likely they are to fuel properly. It's not uncommon for them to have rows with their support team and basically have to be told to sit down, shut up, eat this chocolate bar even though you don't want to.

It's a right chore for the support team to hang around bored most of the time and then to have to do the nagging and admin - hopefully he's suitably grateful and is repaying you by doing something equally generous for you!