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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a moan re: DH endurance sports event

154 replies

entropynow · 17/08/2022 15:00

So I have to drive him for four hours to the event ( to save his energy), stay up for 24 hours straight feeding him drinks and energy bars every 40 mins then drive him back another 4 h after he's ( well we've) had a long sleep - he'll be too stiff to drive.
Grrrr. I am SO not feeling the supportive spouse vibe right now.
Moan moan moan sthu, I know. He swore that the last time was it, but I ought to have known better. What is it with fundamentally pointless ( imo) sports challenges?
And yes, if I don't go he can't do it - everyone brings their own support person/ team.

OP posts:
LearnedAxolotl · 17/08/2022 15:30

You don't have to do any of that stuff. You're choosing to.

Lavendersummer · 17/08/2022 15:31

It’s not my idea of a fun weekend. But it’s your marriage and as you mentioned he does appreciate it.
i probably would be wanting a spa weekend/city break in exchange though !

gannett · 17/08/2022 15:33

Thankfully DP doesn't do anything this... extreme, but if he did on a less-than-annual basis and it meant a lot to him, I'd probably agree to support him too, and I'm fairly sure he'd agree to support me.

I would also moan about it and cross my fingers it got cancelled at the last minute so OP, YANBU.

nwatty · 17/08/2022 15:34

You do it because you are an awesome, supportive wife and you know deep down that your husband really appreciates your help and would do the exact same for you.
*marathon wife here - no where near as intense but I am partial to a wee tear of pride at the finish line!

Elmo230885 · 17/08/2022 15:36

BerryBerryBerryBerry · 17/08/2022 15:05

Why are so many women married to twats?

Why is he a twat because he has a hobby?

If the OP has said that this happens every weekend and he then doesn't do anything around the house or with the kids because he's too tired or focused then, yes, he would be a twat.

OP is supporting her husband but that doesn't mean she isn't allowed a bit of a moan about it!

QuebecBagnet · 17/08/2022 15:36

I dunno what the event is but Dh does 600 mile ultramarathons and I’ve never taken him or followed him about with energy stuff. He carries what he needs and stays the night in a hotel before driving back the next day.

FatherJacksBrick · 17/08/2022 15:37

It is possible to do these events in a way that doesn't put out the family too much.

My DH is an enduro-cyclist (they throw themselves down mountains in a slightly different way to downhill cyclists apparently) and he's doing some ridiculous event next month. It falls over our sons birthday weekend so we are making a trip of it. We are staying in a nearby seaside town and having the day before/day after as family time. On the day itself DH will take himself off in the morning and we'll meet him at the end.

I'm happy with the way we are doing it, and also happy with the fact that DH checked we as a family were happy with the plans. I'm not so sure I'd be doing the staying up 24 hours on top of all the driving though. That's a support teams job, not a spouses.

Mariposista · 17/08/2022 15:37

ZooMount · 17/08/2022 15:24

Gosh I can't believe everyone is piling on your DH for 'being a twat' Jesus Christ he's running an ultra-marathon which takes impressive dedication, determination and resilience, he's not going out on an all nighter and pissing over the kitchen floor. OP I do feel for you as it sounds like you're not as onto this as him and it's a real shame as I'd personally be well up for supporting my spouse if he did something like that, but it's not everyone's cup of tea. If you're not enjoying it then it sounds like you need to find a compromise. We can't all be into the same hobbies. Maybe you can go and split some of it with other friends, it's a lot to expect you to be the only support. I'm sure he really appreciates all your support ☺️

This! Especially if he is generally a good man. It’s 24 hours of your life and a chance to be part of his experience.

Original poster
entropynow · 17/08/2022 15:38

nwatty · 17/08/2022 15:34

You do it because you are an awesome, supportive wife and you know deep down that your husband really appreciates your help and would do the exact same for you.
*marathon wife here - no where near as intense but I am partial to a wee tear of pride at the finish line!

Thank you! Yes, we are pretty special aren't we?😆

OP posts:
shrodingersvaccine · 17/08/2022 15:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

deeperthanallroses · 17/08/2022 15:41

I dunno, I’m sure he’s lovely but if he swore last time it would be the last one and he can’t do it without me then it would be the last one! But I’m projecting - I doubt my Dh would do that for me. I know he wouldn’t have 20 years ago because it came up.

KohlaParasaurus · 17/08/2022 15:47

I'm trying to work out what sort of event would give a supporter access to their athlete every 40 minutes (so presumably laps like a backyard ultra) but the athlete wouldn't be allowed to stop for long enough to sort out their food and drink. Whatever, I'm happy to listen to you having a grumble about it even though you gave informed consent in advance and don't really begrudge the sacrifice. There are some hideously selfish recreational athletes out there but it doesn't sound as if you're lumbered with one of them. I hope he'll be suitably appreciative.

FOJN · 17/08/2022 15:48

Gosh I can't believe everyone is piling on your DH for 'being a twat'

TBF the OP made her DH sound like a twat by starting "I have to" and then listing all the ways in which she "has" to wait on him to facilitate his hobby. She also mentioned he promised that the last time she did it would be just that, the last time, and yet here she is again.

I think had it started, "I volunteered", "I'm regretting my offer because...", "I agreed because it's infrequent, he's a great husband and I want to support him", then the responses would have been different. I interpreted the OP as "I'm a victim, married to a selfish man child". There is not a single positive thing about the DH in the OP which would explain why the OP would agree to his support person for this event.

WizardOfAus · 17/08/2022 15:48

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 17/08/2022 15:09

Its never women who have these inconvenient hobbies is it?

Never.

thenightsky · 17/08/2022 15:50

Who's endurance is being tested - his or yours?

Original poster
entropynow · 17/08/2022 15:55

I wanted to describe the situation not the person. If he wasn't generally a good egg I wouldn't have agreed.
But ok. He's worked really hard, it means a lot, he's very supportive of me.
I agreed but I really don't fancy it. That's all.

OP posts:
SunnyD44 · 17/08/2022 15:55

stay up for 24 hours straight feeding him drinks and energy bars every 40 mins

I don’t understand how you can physically do this?
If it’s a running marathon do you have to run along side him and put it in his mouth.
Why can’t he use his own hands?

I know I’m being very stupid but I’m just really confused.

Rittersport · 17/08/2022 15:57

Wow surprised at the responses! He's a twat because he likes endurance sports?? Are Mo Farah and Chrissie Wellington twats too??

Me and DH both love a good endurance race and have done many in varying formats (land, sea, mountains etc) over the years and both absolutely love taking part and crewing. Crewing is absolutely not being a 'lackey' it's a central and highly skilled job and spouses can (not all do!) Make excellent crews because they know their other half better than they know themselves and often see when a problem is coming, know when to offer which foods/ drinks and when to gently encourage their athlete to take a rest or even stop if the wheels have truly come off (and provide the all important consolation when it happens). The event is the result of months or years of hard training and getting round/ getting a prize is really important for your person, surely you're excited/ nervous/ proud for them?

Is there nothing at all you enjoy about it? I often enjoy bringing extras and helping other competitors/ crews and depending on the event crew can usually socialise together and share stories of past/ future events and their own/ their athletes woes/prowess/ get tips and advice etc.

What's not to love OP?? 🤣🤣

Mymugisblue · 17/08/2022 15:58

Shehasadiamondinthesky

Its never women who have these inconvenient hobbies is it?

I'm a woman and do ultra marathons, stop being so sexist

Original poster
entropynow · 17/08/2022 16:01

@Rittersport

It's different if you both enjoy the sport. I just don't have a sporting bone in my body, sorry.
We have active holidays but they are combined with things to see and do

OP posts:
Original poster
entropynow · 17/08/2022 16:03

And of course I'm proud. I just don't enjoy being crew, skilled though it is as you say.

OP posts:
DisforDarkChocolate · 17/08/2022 16:03

My brother does load of these, seems to make him extremely happy. I've never heard him mention a wife following him round like a minion. Tell him to sod off and go and have a relaxing bath.

dammit88 · 17/08/2022 16:03

nwatty · 17/08/2022 15:34

You do it because you are an awesome, supportive wife and you know deep down that your husband really appreciates your help and would do the exact same for you.
*marathon wife here - no where near as intense but I am partial to a wee tear of pride at the finish line!

This! You can have a bit of a grumble but if you know he would do it for you and he's a good guy then this is what marriage and being a team is about! I hope it goes well OP

Mymugisblue · 17/08/2022 16:03

QuebecBagnet·

I dunno what the event is but Dh does 600 mile ultramarathons

600? A typo surely!

TigerRag · 17/08/2022 16:05

SunnyD44 · 17/08/2022 15:55

stay up for 24 hours straight feeding him drinks and energy bars every 40 mins

I don’t understand how you can physically do this?
If it’s a running marathon do you have to run along side him and put it in his mouth.
Why can’t he use his own hands?

I know I’m being very stupid but I’m just really confused.

I used to do these things and don't get it either. We had to carry some food and water and could grab stuff at stations.

The only support we got (not complaining, we were fine) was my friend's wife giving us extra torches at some point.