Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What is this DP does?

123 replies

rainonme7 · 17/08/2022 12:45

Im really trying to keep this as brief as possible.

I'll be watching a TV series, it might be one I've been watching for a couple of weeks. One day partner will sit and start asking questions about the series such as "so who's that?", "are they together?" Etc ...
before I know it, DP is watching it with me.

Then if I go to watch an episode - DP will say "are you watching it without me? I wanted to watch it with you because I like it".

So I'll suggest us watching it now, DP will say something like "I'm not in the mood to watch it right now". Or something. So then I don't watch it because DP wants us to watch it together.

Time passes and I'll suggest again "do you want to watch X...." and DP will say no. But then doesn't want me to watch it either unless we both are.

This has happened with loads of series/ films etc...

So earlier this week I went back to watching a series where this happened and I haven't returned to watch it in 2 years!
So I've been watching it. DP walks into living room and says "you're watching this? We were watching this together? And now you're watching it without me?"

So I said "we were watching it but then you never felt in the mood to watch it and it's been 2 years now and I want to finish it off!"

So DP says "well I would like to watch it with you again". So I replied "ok shall we watch it now then because I'm watching it".
DP then says "I don't really fancy watching it tonight".
So I carry on watching it and DP says "are you still going to watch it?" And looks sad and disappointed so I just switched it off.

But this happens with so many series, films, etc. it winds me up because I feel like I can't watch a series on my own without this happening.

What's going on?!

OP posts:
Revolvingwhore · 17/08/2022 12:46

He sounds very hard work.

LuaDipa · 17/08/2022 12:47

Yes sorry he sounds very draining.

wavesrolling · 17/08/2022 12:48

Jesus, that's exhausting. Tell him no, that this always happens and you're fed up with waiting for him to be 'in the mood' to watch something. He can watch at his leisure and you'll gladly discuss with him, but you're going to watch it on your own terms.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 17/08/2022 12:49

Two years?? Tell him he can watch it himself fgs

gamerchick · 17/08/2022 12:49

I'd ignore him. Why on earth you're turning it off is beyond me.

It's a weird control thing. Get the bugger told.

acquiescence · 17/08/2022 12:50

How annoying. Is he controlling about other aspects of your lives?

Takenoprisoner · 17/08/2022 12:52

Does he think you're an extension of him? Because that's how this comes across. You might say it's only this one issue, but actually its a pattern of behaviour.

Just ignore him and catty on watching whatever you want.

Cornettoninja · 17/08/2022 12:53

Fear of missing out? Him not you?

either way it’s completely unreasonable for him to expect you to put anything on hold for any length of time (let alone two sodding years) on the off chance he might fancy it ‘one day’.

happinessischocolate · 17/08/2022 12:53

Maybe if you want to keep the peace just say that you're happy to watch it again when he feels like it.

But he is either very controlling or a complete lunatic 😂

CloudCatz · 17/08/2022 12:58

I would side with him if it were just a few weeks or a month or two of not being the in the mood to watch it, I've been through that with my partner before (something we started watching together from the start, but by the current season his work had changed and he was often too tired to "get in to it").

But not two years, wtf.... That's ridiculous. Have you actually said to him "do you honestly think it's reasonable to wait two years to watch an episode of a show?"

CloudCatz · 17/08/2022 13:00

TBF, I have watched an episode before myself and then pretended I hadn't seen it when it was time to watch with DP.

Although, that wasn't his fault. He didn't care. I was the one who wanted to finish the series with DP, I could have just said I had watched it, but I just wanted to watch it with him even if I'd already seen it.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/08/2022 13:02

This is such an easily solvable "problem." You tell him no, you're not waiting for him.

BoredWithLife · 17/08/2022 13:05

This happens to me all the time, it is so so so infuriating - yes I could just ignore the requests and watch it myself, but that seems mean and it's somewhat nice to watch something together.

FOJN · 17/08/2022 13:06

So I carry on watching it and DP says "are you still going to watch it?" And looks sad and disappointed so I just switched it off.

Why did you switch it off? Let him be sad and disappointed. You're not obliged to wait indefinitely for him to be ready to watch something.

Make a list of all the series you have abandoned and get on with watching them. If this shared activity is so important to him he'll make or negotiate a time for it. He hasn't done so yet so I'd say he's manipulating you for some strange reason.

I'd be surprised if this is the only example of manipulation in your relationship.

Blue4YOU · 17/08/2022 13:06

I’d seriously tell to fuck off. Why do you have to put his moods/whims over your wishes. Bloody irritating twat

Poppyseed14 · 17/08/2022 13:09

Bloody hell OP. You could have watched a whole box set in the time it must have taken you to type that lot out 😳

dworky · 17/08/2022 13:10

Selfishness, in a nutshell.

Rec0veringAcademic · 17/08/2022 13:10

I'd be very surprised if this was the only manifestation of a very controlling personality.

VanillaParkersBowl · 17/08/2022 13:11

I agree that it's a control thing. How's the rest of your relationship?

takealettermsjones · 17/08/2022 13:12

I get wanting to watch something together, but if he can't suggest and stick to a reasonable alternative (e.g. "I'm too tired now, but let's watch it tomorrow at 9pm" yada yada) then he's on his own!

mistlethrush · 17/08/2022 13:12

We started a new series of something the other night - I managed 2 episodes before deciding that I cba with it - so DH and I watched something else instead, and DH will watch it when I'm not in - fine all round!

Treacletoots · 17/08/2022 13:15

It's not about tv shows. It's about control, pure and simple.

Have a think and see if there's anything else he does similar and if so, I'd be seriously reconsidering this relationship.

He sounds way too similar to my ExH. Note Ex.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 17/08/2022 13:16

You are not responsible for his emotions. If he looks sad and disappointed, you weigh it up and think, no he's BU about this and keep watching.

lemmein · 17/08/2022 13:19

Even reading that irritated me - needy fucker!

What happened after you switched it off?

EinsteinaGogo · 17/08/2022 13:19

Is he like this with other things, OP?