What is this DP does?

[rainonme7]

Im really trying to keep this as brief as possible.

I'll be watching a TV series, it might be one I've been watching for a couple of weeks. One day partner will sit and start asking questions about the series such as "so who's that?", "are they together?" Etc ...
before I know it, DP is watching it with me.

Then if I go to watch an episode - DP will say "are you watching it without me? I wanted to watch it with you because I like it".

So I'll suggest us watching it now, DP will say something like "I'm not in the mood to watch it right now". Or something. So then I don't watch it because DP wants us to watch it together.

Time passes and I'll suggest again "do you want to watch X...." and DP will say no. But then doesn't want me to watch it either unless we both are.

This has happened with loads of series/ films etc...

So earlier this week I went back to watching a series where this happened and I haven't returned to watch it in 2 years!
So I've been watching it. DP walks into living room and says "you're watching this? We were watching this together? And now you're watching it without me?"

So I said "we were watching it but then you never felt in the mood to watch it and it's been 2 years now and I want to finish it off!"

So DP says "well I would like to watch it with you again". So I replied "ok shall we watch it now then because I'm watching it".
DP then says "I don't really fancy watching it tonight".
So I carry on watching it and DP says "are you still going to watch it?" And looks sad and disappointed so I just switched it off.

But this happens with so many series, films, etc. it winds me up because I feel like I can't watch a series on my own without this happening.

What's going on?!

You are not responsible for his emotions. If he looks sad and disappointed, you weigh it up and think, no he's BU
... or manipulative.

So you're not allowed to do the thing you enjoy until he says you are?

Just watch the shows op!

My DH is a bit like this - I just tell him if he says no now he’s forfeiting future watching together rights and he concedes! We otherwise had so many unfinished series!

I don't put up with this bollocks. It happened with one series, and we kind of stopped because our schedules didn't match up for ages. And ever after that, if I really want to watch something, i watch it. Full stop.

If he's afraid of spoilers he will either have to watch with you when you want to, or you don't ever talk about it (which is also ok)

I do this with my wife, but not so successfully as she says “okay” and then just goes ahead watches them anyway the moment my back is turned.

My reason is that I like the idea of getting into a series, especially with DW, but the reality is often that we have different tastes in telly and, also, I have the attention span of gnat.

I also do this (sorry).

I can be vaguely interested in something so want to see what happens. But we only get 1 hour in an evening to watch something so I’m not always up for the vaguely interested & would rather watch something I’m more interested in or something that isn’t intellectually challenging if it’s been a hard day.

DH just watches stuff without me now. I’d never make him wait 2 years for something though.

interestingly he also does the same with me (despite us having similar tastes). I should probably pick some of those series up….

Controlling, I'd say. We try and watch things (if by some miracle, we like the same thing) together but realistically, I might nod off on sofa one of us might want to watch something else sometimes or we might not see it at the same speed, so the other will catch up on laptop or whatever. Not a big deal.

Explain to him “ you love the idea of watching these things with me, which is cosy and nice. But you don’t want the reality of watching the tv programmes - you’re never actually into them! “

hopefully he can recognise the positive impulse to share with you is nice, but the failure to follow through is disappointing.
tell him ‘ let’s find programmes you actually WANT to watch, to share” and then tell him “ the programmes you’re not really into, I’m going to go ahead and watch!”
I think he has FOMO!!! And it’s sabotaging your viewing!

Wow, you need to say, "if you want to watch it, its on..."
If he says "not now," you say "OK, I'm going to watch it now, because I am not waiting for you to be in the mood forever"

My ex was like this. Then he decided what we ate, when we ate, when I showered, only showers, no bath for nearly 2 years...
Not saying this is the case here but what other reason has he got for this behaviour other than the end goal being you don’t watch what you want? Tell him bluntly you only need your own eyes to watch whatever it is, he either watches with you or not. Agree an evening once a week where you both watch something together that you both enjoy or take turns each week picking something.

THIS.

Tell him you don't need his permission to watch whatever you want, whenever you want.

When he kicks off - which he will, because this is nothing to do with programmes, & everything to do with control - tell him that you are not prepared to have him control your viewing by pretending to want to watch with you, then refusing to do so at every opportunity.

What other areas is he tiresome & micro-managing in, OP?

Why would OP want to keep the peace in the teeth of controlling behaviour, or lunacy?

Keeping the peace in this instance would just be pandering to the partner's dickishness.

When he says he wants to watch with you but he’s not in the mood, I’d tell him OK the first time, but by the second time I’d say ‘That’s OK, but you weren’t in the mood last time we suggested it either so I’ll finish it by myself.’

And do it.

but the reality is often that we have different tastes in telly and, also, I have the attention span of gnat.
😂😂

Aaaw @Palmfrond

My DH has been like this. I watched the first series killing eve, DH said he liked the look of that so he would catch up on series one and to wait to watch series two together. He never did watch it so I've missed it.

We finally finished Marvellous Mrs Maisal last night, we have had the last two episodes to watch for weeks (probably a couple of months) and every time I've asked he isn't in the mood, I was getting to the stage where I was going watch it without him but thankfully he suggested we watch it last night.

He sounds incredibly needy and clingy.

Sometimes DP will say he isn't interested in watching something, so I'll start watching it and then he'll end up getting a bit caught up in it by, say, episode three or four. After that, I might say 'There's nothing on tonight so I might watch an episode of [whatever]?' and then he'll either say 'Oh, I'll watch it with you actually' or 'OK - not sure I fancy that tonight so just watch it without me'. He would definitely not expect me to put my viewing on hold just because he suddenly decided he wanted to watch something, but only with me and only when HE was in the right mood for it.

Just explain its a really annoying habit of his and you're not playing the silly game anymore. You will watch your shows on your schedule.

If he says he's not in the mood, say "OK, well I'm watching it in here, you can go or stay."

You have to take control and do what you want to do. Honestly, true happiness comes from doing what you like and not letting others get in the way.

Misery, however, is very much you sitting there doing fuck all while he remains master of the TV shows, ensuring no one gets any joy at all.

He probably isn't doing it deliberately, but the amount of hyper misogynistic twaddle they enjoy reading online these days, I wouldn't be surprised if this is one of those dismal 'tactics' some men use to start arguments and make women feel down.

Annoying! I would just reply 'well, there you go' and maybe 'feel free to join in watching it with me when you feel like it.'

He's a twat thats what's going on...
If u are happy to live with that and dont get the ick ...just say well i feel like watching it now u can catch up later.

Just watch it!

Fuck that.

My DP does this! In fact we had a row the other day because I finished a series we'd started watching together.

I'm guessing he wasn't remotely bothered that you might be sad and disappointed when you had switched the telly off...

Subtle controlling behaviour.

I've recently escaped a marriage with subtle control (my ex's main manifestations were a) always having an important meeting when I wanted to go somewhere. Would Say 'I'll try and rearrange' but basically guilted me into cancelling my arrangement as they couldn't
B) not liking certain food for periods of time (e.g. dairy) which they restricted and made cooking for a family a nightmare. But then later (and when out for a meal) totally disregarded.
C)TV programmes as you describe but more moaning about a certain kind (e.g. drama)
D) never coming down from home office directly when dinner was ready. Even if warned. Would have to call several times abd then usually give up and start without them.
E) always 'mishearing' instructions of any kind and subtly getting them wrong.
F) going to supermarket and not getting things specified even when list supplied.
And so on

Be careful as if he does other subtle things it will fck with your mind and mental health as individually not too bad. But collectively where madness is made.

We do this in our house too... but not for 2 YEARS!