What is this DP does?

[rainonme7]

Im really trying to keep this as brief as possible.

I'll be watching a TV series, it might be one I've been watching for a couple of weeks. One day partner will sit and start asking questions about the series such as "so who's that?", "are they together?" Etc ...
before I know it, DP is watching it with me.

Then if I go to watch an episode - DP will say "are you watching it without me? I wanted to watch it with you because I like it".

So I'll suggest us watching it now, DP will say something like "I'm not in the mood to watch it right now". Or something. So then I don't watch it because DP wants us to watch it together.

Time passes and I'll suggest again "do you want to watch X...." and DP will say no. But then doesn't want me to watch it either unless we both are.

This has happened with loads of series/ films etc...

So earlier this week I went back to watching a series where this happened and I haven't returned to watch it in 2 years!
So I've been watching it. DP walks into living room and says "you're watching this? We were watching this together? And now you're watching it without me?"

So I said "we were watching it but then you never felt in the mood to watch it and it's been 2 years now and I want to finish it off!"

So DP says "well I would like to watch it with you again". So I replied "ok shall we watch it now then because I'm watching it".
DP then says "I don't really fancy watching it tonight".
So I carry on watching it and DP says "are you still going to watch it?" And looks sad and disappointed so I just switched it off.

But this happens with so many series, films, etc. it winds me up because I feel like I can't watch a series on my own without this happening.

What's going on?!

It does sound controlling to me.

Seriously if he says oh but I don't want to watch it now, just say 'never mind then, you can just catch up' and carry on watching it.

Don't consistently change your plans to fit in with him. It's a slippery slope. If he's genuinely disappointed rather than actively game playing, he'll have to learn to deal with disappointment like, you know, other adults.

Sounds a bit borderline controlling - you aren't allowed to enjoy it without him, but only he can say when that time is? Fuck that.

If you feel like you have to say anything (other than 'grow up') then I would say -well I'm watching tonight - and i might binge three episodes - so 5,6 and 7. So join me or don't, but I'm happy to wait till next week to pick up up episode 8 - so you have time to catch up." Slightly ridiculous but it's the difference between a week and two years.....

Mine will often get very involved with what im watching and end up me waiting for him to watch it with him. But he would never be cross with me for watching without him.

Just watch what you want when you want. Also, tell him to fuck right off.

Yeah your DP is annoying
He wants to watch it with you but is never in the mood to and then moans t you for watching ig .., you can't win

yanbu to say either sit down and watch it with me now or pack in the whining as I'm watching this now & I'm allowed to watch what I want!

He’s trying to control you. He’s proving to both himself and you that he can get to decide what you warchZ and he can stop you from watching what you want.

it’s low level abuse.

it is not nice.

As other PPs have said he can watch with you at the time or catch up in his own time to where you are and if he doesn't - well he's choosing not to - that's entirely under his control

Yup.

And he does it because it works.
TWO EFFING YEARS of OP putting aside her own wishes in case he puts on his sad & disappointed face. Fucksake.

Apologies for talking about you while you are 'out of the room' OP!
Hope this thread isn't upsetting you ...?

If you have found any of the responses, er ... 'robust' please view it as Tough Love from women who have been around this block.
Your partner's behaviour sounds worryingly like the thin end of the wedge, & PP who have asked you how else he manipulates you in order to retain needless control over you are doing so because they don't want you to be with the type of man we, unfortunately, have also been with.

you can't win

Yes.
Rather suspect that OP not winning is the entire point of her partner's behaviour.

Christ that was painful. Is he controlling in other ways?
That would bore the tits off me. Obviously just decline his kind invitation to not watch stuff together.

Both my DH and DD do this, I never finish anything. 🙄

It’s definitely a control thing. And some kind of FOMO. Worth a chat I’d say

Explain to him you are not joined at the hip.

this isnt about films or TV its about control. He wants to control you. Next time simply say, " you can watch it alone in your own time if you dont want to watch it when i want to watch it. " and then just continue with " please stop policing what i watch in my own time thank you " " thank you but this is my show and id appreciate it if you didnt try to control what i watch as these are my shows" etc " its been 2 years, if you havent watched it by now then i figure you dont really care so i will be watching on my own, feel free to watch in your own time

oh god no! I will say you coming to watch this, if my Dh wants to he will, if not he will probably say I will catch up with it later, we do watch things together, but he would never through a wobbly if I watched something, I find that hilarious

That's on you. Just watch your stuff.

He looks sad and disappointed, so you turned it off, which left YOU sad and disappointed. Why does his unhappiness trump yours?

Give him a deadline. Say "Ok, but if we've not watched an episode by the weekend, I'll watch it without you."

I think he actually sounds like a toddler

It is the only advantage I can find in being a widow!
Some things we would watch together, as we both liked them, but other stuff we had different opinions on, or he would watch lots of stuff I quite liked and watched with him, but he just watched too much of it until I was sick of it and although I could have watched TV in another room, with no problem, I just liked being with him. So I now watch just what I like, and never have to watch another Time Team, or wildlife programme again!

@Triffid1 asks some very good questions, particularly if you end up watching his stuff/doing what he wants to do.

If so, he's doing this strategically to ensure that the telly/laptop remains clear for what he does want to see or your attention is focused on him. He feigns interest then makes sure he never has time, because he never really wanted to watch it in the first place.

Sounds like it's his way of taking control. He doesn't really want to watch any of these series and doesnt want you to do so either is it diverts your attention away from him to something he'a not interested in.

I have this but not to this extent, if we watch something and both love it, DH will not watch another episode if I am not about. I, on the other hand, will watch the full series back to back and then lie and say I have been waiting for him. Then watch it again while sneakily reading MN on my Ipad because I know what happens.

Ugh I had this too with DP in the past. He wanted to watch shows together. Sharing, bonding, quality time, whatever. But only on his terms, when it suited him. It all came to a head when he wanted to watch, but I was too tired, so he would nag and nag the crap out of me to watch, then huff. I snapped. Now, we have a couple of shows we'll watch together in the evening, but everything else I watch when I feel like it. Moody sods.

I remember loving a particular woo programme that was on once a week. Late DH HATED it, & announced that he was going to sit in the kitchen until it had gone off. I KNEW he was just waiting for me to cave & say no, don't do that, I'll turn it off.. NAH! Watched it, with him sulking in the kitchen.. ;-)

He may genuinely want to watch it but you need to give deadlines and then if he’s unhappy about that - he’s a selfish arse.