August babies shouldn't be allowed to move down a year

[SapphosRock]

My DD has a late August birthday, she is 6 nearly 7 and about to go into Year 3.

A friend in her class (let's call her Lucy) has an early August birthday but was allowed to move down a year. She is already 8.

No special needs, her mum just decided she would prefer her DD to be the oldest in the class rather than one of the youngest.

This has impacted my DD in a few ways. She is good at sports but being the youngest means she doesn't often win. On Sports Day Lucy came first in the year 2 running race. My DD came 4th so missed out on a medal.

Lucy had a sleepover for her 8th birthday and invited the girls in DD's class. Most went but I didn't think DD was ready for a sleepover as she's still only 6 so she missed out on a fun party.

Lucy got the biggest speaking part in the Christmas play as she is the most confident and articulate.

AIBU and precious to think Lucy should have been kept in the correct year group?

Yes I'd agree with this as a parent of three kids in Scotland who have all been through the state school system or who are currently in the system.

I know lots of parents who have deferred, none who have regretted it. A few who wish they had deferred but genuinely thought they were making the right decision at the time. One child who was a last week in Feb birthday and was sent at 4.5, by the end of P2 it was obvious they weren't coping well and Mum pushed with school for them to repeat P2 where the child thrived.

It's just not something Scottish parents tie themselves in knots about as it's such a normal and standard part of school life. English attitudes will catch up eventually as more people take the option for their kids and it's not an unusual thing any more.

You had the same opportunity to decide which year group your DD would be in, so I don't understand why you think it's unfair that you made your choice and another family made a different choice.

Dts are late August, and were 10 weeks prem, so should have been October born and in the year below. As it was at the time they were not allowed to defer so technically started at 3.10. The first few years were a massive struggle but by the end of Y6 they had caught up, and finally got dyslexia diagnoses which again was a massive struggle because everything was put down to them being young / prem.

If i was to do it again no chance I would do everything I could to keep them back a year.

Also they're trying to bring in where you can't actually defer them now.

in sports and life September and October kids do better because they are older often more developed so stand out against their peers.

i understand their decision, but it also means an extra year at home (childcare) in early years which can also be of benefit allowing them to start school with better development.

there has to be a line somewhere unfortunately. In sports clubs outside of school though they would be out in their actual age banding which may cause problems if they go from being top to middle of the pack

If anything, the UK is way too strict when it somes to cut-off points.

I am not UK-born; where I'm from the admissions system is a bit more flexible, with a general guideline of when children should ideally start, but a pediatrician (in conjunction with nurseries) can do an assessment up to a year before that age to see whether you should start school early, or delay it by a year if that's deemed best.

I am summer-born and would have been the youngest in my year group anyway. I got admitted to school a year early as I was bored out of my tiny little mind at nursery, so was two years younger than many of my peers, and three years younger than some.

My counsin - also summer-born - not only got admitted a year early, but a few years into primary school also skipped a year as they were that far ahead, so could easily have been 4 years younger than some of her classmates.

Despite the large age gap between us and our peers, we both finished school with top grades and in the top 5% of our year group. We both regularly got picked for main performance parts in plays and were both regularly engaged in other "public" work, such as school choirs/ school newspaper editing/ greeting famous visitors.

PE was a bit of a pain, but teachers usually had a list of our ages and a table to adjust our performances against. I may never have won a race (I am small as well as young), but anything graded was not too much of an issue.

So, more flexibility is what is needed and maybe there will be fewer issues in the classroom all around.

My friend was Lucy- ‘held back’ and did really well in primary. At some point in early secondary the penny dropped that she was in fact in the ‘wrong’ year and was advanced because she was older. It really messed with her head and she then became much quieter and keen not to ‘show off’. She’s lovely and fine now but her teenager and early twenties were challenging so it can impact kids in other ways too.

@SapphosRock

You can also point out how well she did. My mum always pointed out to me that the tall september born girl who I always lost out to on sports day had a bit of an advantage. By 8 I could fully appreciate why that was the case and why what I did was really good too.

You don't have to be the best to be running a really good race and learning that will help her into adulthood.

We have this in Scotland.. used to be Jan and Feb children could be deferred and now in some local authorities it’s anyone who isn’t 5 in August so some children are starting school at 6. Just pushes back who is the youngest though, has to be someone!!

What a fab saying that I'm absolutely going to steal!
I'd go further to say it only makes the whole room darker.

So your kid was one of 27 who didn't get a medal? (If the whole class of 30 took part?) And actually she came top of that group of 27...

And? Someone is always going to be the youngest. That's just how numbers work! If you're so bothered, move yours down a year and let it be someone else.
My DD is the youngest, it doesn't mean she is the smallest or the slowest or less articulate.

BTW your DD missed out on a sleepover because you didn;'t want her to go.

But there are probably kids with 1st September birthdays who are 11.5 months older than your daughter, but you would be OK with that? Perhaps Lucy is a just a fast or confident individual, whether she is 13 months older or not is not particularly relevant.

I do know some people who regret deferring their kids incidentally.

Nor I, however I think that the initial poster is hinting at something sinister about the boy?

DH and I are both late summer born for school intake, DS though March was sent to school in the Easter intake which doesn’t exist in my county anymore possibly nit England at all anymore and he had just been 4. It has had no detrimental effect on any of us. We were all ready, I could read very well before I started school. DH has a PhD from Cambridge, I attended a RG University, DS starts his degree this October and got all A grades at A level.

Maybe it was best for her child, ultimately some of the jockeying at primary school is ridiculous. I remember parents getting obsessed with reading bands. What is the point? All you need to concentrate is on how your own child is doing academically but more importantly how they get on with their peers. Brains can go a long way career wise but how people get on with others is crucial. You only have to take a look at the boards on here. There are so many posts where people are lonely or lacking in friends or are stuck with awful people. It’s often poor social skills or shyness.

Someone has to be the youngest, OP, it seems like you are just pissed that it is your child rather than someone else.

Children at that age are on different developmental trajectories, and not all are ready for the same work at the same age. If schools were realistically going to accommodate that it might be one thing, but they are increasingly unable to do so.

My son was not a late for year baby, he was actually one of the older in his age group. I waited a year to enroll him though, because he was clearly not ready for school, he was a late talker, and as it turned out a very late reader, not reading at all until he was almost eight. Had I not home educated him at that age it would have been a problem even with him being held back a year - he would have been identified as behind and it would have followed him. He now, at 12, is above grade level for reading.

Not everyone would make that choice, I don't think the line should always be followed. Some children born in September would benefit from moving up a year. If you think your DD would do better moving down a year then apply to do that, if you think she is in the right place all is good.

My birthday is in August and I was mostly the youngest in class throughout school. I’ve done very well for myself so I don’t see an issue, please don’t transfer your own feelings of insecurity to your child.

Unreasonable? Oh I would put it stronger than that

If you think it's such an advantage why didn't you hold your own DD back a year?

You’d really hate me OP! DS1 is October born and was put down a year when he was in mainstream.

I do see where you’re coming from, but you had the opportunity to make the same choice for your DD as Lucy’s parents did for her. They chose to take this opportunity and you chose not to. So I do think YABU.

Hindsight is great isn't it. I had the opposite issue, very bright autumn born child who was bored to death at school and all her friends were in the year above. If I had my time again I'd push to have her moved up a year.

I do feel bad about it, I failed to realise what she needed but we can't get it all right can we.

I do sort of understand OP and think that there has to be a cut off somewhere as if all August babies move down a year then the July babies become the new August babies...and on and on. Someone has to be the youngest.

But I do think you're unfair to compare Lucy so much against your own daughter. Your daughter is also quite a lot younger than the September/October babies in her class, that will always be the case. It evens out as they grow older.

DD1 is summer born and when she wanted to start school, I was so worried about the social aspect though at the time she was starting school, she could read and write. I’m also born in August so being behind was always a worry. However she’s 9 now and I remember on her birthday this year, some mums at her school were so surprised she just turned 9 because since y3, she has become well known. She always has a reading part, always competing in most sports events and featuring in music events at school. She’s also one of the tallest in her class so I think that made her more noticeable. From the experience I have, I think the difference in maturity, etc is always obvious in the early years but by year 3, everything starts to even out.