August babies shouldn't be allowed to move down a year

[SapphosRock]

My DD has a late August birthday, she is 6 nearly 7 and about to go into Year 3.

A friend in her class (let's call her Lucy) has an early August birthday but was allowed to move down a year. She is already 8.

No special needs, her mum just decided she would prefer her DD to be the oldest in the class rather than one of the youngest.

This has impacted my DD in a few ways. She is good at sports but being the youngest means she doesn't often win. On Sports Day Lucy came first in the year 2 running race. My DD came 4th so missed out on a medal.

Lucy had a sleepover for her 8th birthday and invited the girls in DD's class. Most went but I didn't think DD was ready for a sleepover as she's still only 6 so she missed out on a fun party.

Lucy got the biggest speaking part in the Christmas play as she is the most confident and articulate.

AIBU and precious to think Lucy should have been kept in the correct year group?

Funnily enough I know quite a few 13 year olds of both sexes as I have a son that age. This idea that boys turn 13 and immediately start abusing 11 year olds is... struggling for the word... twisted.

I have a one year old.

this type of post has made me very nervous for when schools days. I do not want my child to be a Lucy that another parent is bitter about for any reason.

i actually want my DD to be average in school. Not the best. If forced to the best she will form a complex about it. Nothing less will ever be good enough.

i was average and I’m doing far better and I’m much happier than those who had to be the best. They were insufferable (still are!)

let you daughter be OP. Try not to compare. You’re not helping your daughter even if you think you are. She needs you to be on her side, no matter her ability or whether she gets a medal

OK so Lucy is born say Aug 25th and Jessica is Sept 2nd. Lewis is May 5th and Opskid is August 1st. Lucy comes first because she's 55 weeks older, that's AWFUL. Kick her out. Now Jessica comes first and she's 51 weeks older, all great, woo hoo that's fair competition.

Really? We're talking a difference of less than a month, not sending Opskid up against the year 6s

The oldest in the year e.g. September born aren't always top of the class or have amazing special talents though. Being oldest doesn't guarantee that. Maybe Lucy would have thrived or done well regardless of what year she's in. It'll all even out.

Personally I'd e quite pissed off if I'd been kept down a year once I was older and thinking about how I'd already be out doing xyz or could have taken a year out after A-levels but now I'd be two years behind etc

Yes, Jan and Feb born you can defer with no need to apply for permission or anything and you get an extra funded year of childcare. DD is Feb born and we are deferring here. I think she'd benefit from an extra year of nursery and time at home with me. Plenty of years of school ahead of her!

You can't compare school starting ages and education systems without also comparing attitudes to parenting, childcare etc.

Nordic children don't start school at 7 in the same state that British children do at 4. Much of the content and childhood development covered by British schools is, instead, done by Nordic parents and/or childcare providers.

Exactly. You could have done the same.

There's a child in my kid's class whose older birthday is in October! (in Ireland) So he's 8 going on 9 in October while the rest of the kids are 7 going on 8. Some of them won't be 8 till next May. He doesn't have special needs and he's way ahead of everyone.

As a GP, I have no fucking clue which kids are ready for Reception.

Kudos to you for accepting YABU, OP, but give me a break.

Over the years I've known a great many who've kept their January and February borns back a year (in Scotland) and not one has ever regretted. And nor have those I've known who experienced this as children.

I do know 2 who weren't kept back and they regret it and felt they struggled at school being too young f.

I know what you mean OP. One of mines has a November birthday which is within Scottish deferral period. In his year would of been child a full year older who’d deferred the previous year. He’d of been the youngest by a good bit so I deferred him. Extra year of full time school nursery. Finds the academics really easy going into a mixed class this year with his original cohorts so hopefully can be stretched a bit.

I think generally if you can defer then you should.

So the 13 year old you know are all sexual predators who abuse other children? And this behaviour commenced precisely on their 13th birthday but is limited only to kids I in their class?

If a 13 year old is targeting peers for sex, you're saying it would be OK if their peers are 12 but not 11?

The only person expecting this of your child seems to be you. Stop pushing her to be something she isn't.

No, she isn't, she's expected to work and perform to her own level, just as the other girl is doing. Stop comparing the two of them and concentrate on your own child.

FWIW, I think all kids should be able to move down if it suits them, it baffles me that we restrict them to age groups rather than ability. People learn differently and at different paces. (And re your sports day - you don't see Olympic athletes lining up by age group.)

My very early September born is not top of the class for everything or the best at everything. She doesn't win all sports races by default . Her best friend is a late July born and besides the obvious height difference there isn't much difference emotionally etc

I think this just stems to you wanting your child to be the best at everything.

Where do you get this nonsense from?

Well the early September children in her class will be almost twelve months older too, it won’t be just Lucy. I would expect a good primary teacher to make allowances for the youngest ones and make sure they are supported. My friend’s son has an August 31st birthday so was a year younger than quite a few children in his class who were born in early September, he missed the year below by three or four hours .
It can be tough on the children born later in the year, as you are experiencing, and so some parents do chose to have their child in the year below. I think as they go into secondary the difference narrows but is still there between the ones at either end of the year, eg the youngest and the oldest.

No, the cut off is December in Ireland. 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP, by the time they go to secondary school, ignoring SN, they will all be around the same level.

You’d hate me. My son was born in April and was 5.5 when he started school here in Ireland. He’d already completed 2 terms of Reception in the UK. when we moved but the school near where we were renting in Ireland, didn’t want him joining for the summer term, so he went to a nearby pre-school for about 3 weeks.

He had a great start when he started the junior infants class in a new school next to where we bought a house and was the second oldest in his class as they take the birthday from January - December, not September - August. Several of his friends are younger than him with Autumn birthdays with the youngest kids in the class having a December birthday.

I am summer born and was not achieving potential until 8 or 9 really. It unwound a bit then and I moved up the class in achievement - academic and sporting. Then was great in both at secondary and got into competitive uni/career etc.

Summer borns do tend to lag. It would have been the wrong thing to keep me back, because I probably benefited from the challenge when younger and found my way to the top of the class when older anyway. For some kids, lagging a bit early on will affect them all the way through, because they take on a label and struggle to be "bottom" - the system has decided that parents are best placed to decide this.

The fact that your child is not bottom and last in all things - only just missing out to older kids and coming fourth probably means you made the right decision for your daughter. It will teach her resilience and challenge her early before the stagger unwinds a bit. Take comfort in this. Encourage her to understand that effort is the most important thing.

Be pleased for this other child - maybe there is something you weren't seeing, maybe her parents decided that she would struggle a bit socially for whatever reason.

Maybe both of you made the best choice for your kids.

Of course I recognise her coming 4th was good but she doesn't think she did particularly well as she doesn't realise she had a disadvantage compared with her peers.

A bronze medal would have been a massive confidence boost and it feels like a shame that kids who aren't held back miss out on small things like that.

My children’s school, people that I’ve met that lost their virginity age 12 please note people not person. My own experiences school.

No Lucy didn't win the race because she is a year older. Lucy is just better at sports maybe?

I'm a late August born and me and my sister were in the same year at school. 10 months between us as I was premature.

I was faster than my sister.. I also didn't feel compared to her or up against her.

I'm not sure why you feel threatened by an 8 year old girl though. It's all a bit odd.

Okay, but apart from my last sentence the rest of my statement is just fact. Children in Scotland do one year less at school in total and so if you compare children born Sept-Feb in both countries, the non-deferred Scottish child starts at the same time but finishes a year earlier.

"The problem with this is many children very much are ready for school. I teach and see so many children thrive in Reception. My own child is about to start school and I can imagine nothing worse than another year at nursery - summer born but more than ready academically and socially. "

But in countries where school begins at a higher age, the "nursery" evolves with age too. So they aren't stalled at a baby level until 6/7, they are learning, just much more informally.

Ha ha ha, seriously OP?