August babies shouldn't be allowed to move down a year

[SapphosRock]

My DD has a late August birthday, she is 6 nearly 7 and about to go into Year 3.

A friend in her class (let's call her Lucy) has an early August birthday but was allowed to move down a year. She is already 8.

No special needs, her mum just decided she would prefer her DD to be the oldest in the class rather than one of the youngest.

This has impacted my DD in a few ways. She is good at sports but being the youngest means she doesn't often win. On Sports Day Lucy came first in the year 2 running race. My DD came 4th so missed out on a medal.

Lucy had a sleepover for her 8th birthday and invited the girls in DD's class. Most went but I didn't think DD was ready for a sleepover as she's still only 6 so she missed out on a fun party.

Lucy got the biggest speaking part in the Christmas play as she is the most confident and articulate.

AIBU and precious to think Lucy should have been kept in the correct year group?

My DD is July born we never moved her back a year she's 99 percentile for height and wins sports and is selected for teams she's much taller than her cousin who's a year older she's now 9. I don't think it makes much of a difference sport wise academically she struggled a bit more but has caught up.

My DS is a late August baby (29th) and I was very dubious about him starting school so young and did think about deferring him but he would have gone straight into year 1 then so it didn't make sense for him to miss out on reception.

I think that yes you are being unreasonable and precious. You had the same choices your friend did but chose not to take them. It's not her fault your daughter missed out on a medal or a sleepover, you really are over thinking.

Statistically they say that by year 3 the difference in the oldest and youngest in the year pans out and they just perform to their natural ability. Ds has a best friend who was born on 1st September so is a whole school year lower but I tell you this, when DS left education and he had another year to do he was not happy. It's swings and roundabouts. DS is getting ready to turn 20 and then the month after his friends start turning 21. Ive told him when he's my age it will be the other way round and his mates will be envious he is a year younger!

But this would be Lucy in the year above. So her parents did something about it.

Yabvvu and slightly crazy. Have a word with yourself.

How does deferral work in Ireland? That seems like a huge gap to be held back for? What are your cut offs?

DS's birthday is August 26th, he's the youngest in the year. He's now 12 (13 next week) and an athlete. He's been winning both track and cross country races since Y3 and often beating boys in the year above. In his first ever inter schools cross country race as a Y3, the school PE staff missed the start of the Y3 boys race, so they were allowed to run with the Y4 boys so they got a race. DS came 3rd overall, some of the boys he raced would have been 2 years older than him.

He's spent this summer competing with his club as an U15, despite being still 12 and performed brilliantly. His coaches tell me in some ways, having to keep up with kids who are so much older and more developed, drives younger kids that bit harder, so when they do catch up physically, they often leap ahead.

I actually agree with you. It's possible to defer children who were born in April onwards, meaning that there may be as much as 17 months between the oldest and youngest children in the class. Someone always has to be youngest. Further down the road, I also wonder how the oldest children will feel when they are still stuck at primary school age 12 and at secondary school age 19, when their peers (based on age) will be at university or in jobs and gaining their independence.

Sounds like you made the wrong choice and now eating sour grapes

My Mum was given the option of keeping me back a year but chose not to and I started school aged 4 and 1 day. I was nowhere near ready for it, and my Dad apparently wanted to keep me back a year but Mum was ready to pack me off for 6 hours a day and devote her sole attention to my golden child younger sister. I've honestly always resented it, especially at secondary when I was the last to be 16, last to learn to drive, last to be 18 and had to miss out on nights out in clubs etc to celebrate everyone elses birthdays. I wouldn't have dreamed of letting one of my DC start school a year before they were ready.

Just adding, Daryll Neita's birthday is 29th August, being young for year hasn't held her back!

I think it's a silly idea allowing people to do this anyway, if every child with an August birthday did this all it would mean was July born babies would be in this position. You do have a choice when you have your children, we purposely avoided having babies born after Feb (so didnt try july-Dec) as I didn't want my children to be at a disadvantage. My husband is a teacher and any summer born boys have a code by their names so teachers are aware, boys are at a disadvantage more than girls. Ideally I would have had babies born in September but I had to hold off because of work/enhanced mat pay, so it was a case of have a winter baby or wait another 9 months. My siblings and I are all September babies, I definitely think it helped us. I don't think anyone should be allowed to keep their children back though.

But she isn’t!! School is not a competition, certainly not at yr3. She is there to develop and do the best she can. Stop focussing on others’ achievements and rein in the competitive streak. Are you or were you an over achiever by any chance? Do you hold the same expectations for your daughter. If so, you need to let that go. This isn’t about Lucy at all and is all about your expectations as a mother. Poor kiddo.

I’d take the Scottish system any day. My older two were in the English system and not ready to start school at age 4. I deeply regret sending them. It wasn’t an option offered, to keep them back. Pre internet taking off so I didn’t even know I could.

Scottish system for youngest child and prefer it. 5.5 start school. No pressure to go to preschool at two and half, he started at 4.

I have a little boy in my preschool whose birthday is May but is only starting reception this year. We had a huge query over SEN issues plus he had quite a few physical issues going on so after talking to mum and the SEN team we sent off a deferral form. These have to have quite a bit of information on them with your reasons for wanting a deferral - it's not just a case of saying to the school they aren't coming. He has flourished this past year in preschool and we are confident that he now has the social skills required for his move to reception. If he had gone last year we feel he would have struggled a lot which will follow him all the way through school. By going this year the school only need a few strategies. These strategies and decisions are not known by the other parents in the preschool as it's none of their business - the child is our priority.

I did ask my LA about any potential pitfalls about being out of year and they said it only becomes an issue further up the years due to the school leaving age. Technically they could leave school in Y10 instead of the end of Y11 but as the children who have benefitted from this haven't got there yet nobody knows what the impact will be.

I just know it was the right decision for my little boy.

One of mine has a June birthday but was not only prem but had developmental delay and was assessed as being around 6 months behind. Despite a lot of trying, he was not allowed to defer a year. It has impacted his whole life in a negative fashion and was the start of a downward spiral that means he will never lead a normal life.I appreciate that sounds dramatic but without telling the whole story it's impossible to explain.
I am an October birthday was allowed to start school early and thrived.

All individuals - Lucy's parents made the right choice for her. I wish though that all schools would support that choice if made by the parents.

This was me and my best friend too - l hated it as a child but love it as an adult!

Oh, and in no way shape or form is this child from a middle class family.

He is from a family who wanted the best start at school for him and we helped them facilitate it.

DS was August born and I dont honestly remember (he is now in the 30s) any real problem. The only minor issue (MC smugness trigger alert) was that all his, older, classmates were driving before he was!

Works its way out eventually. My bestest school friend is 60 in September, but I'm still 58, with a birthday at the end of this month. I like to remind her of our difference in age.

Also agree with others that if there are older children in the pre-school system, then that pre-school system evolves. My eldest as a 1st March birthday was 5 and still had a whole term at pre-school. This was by no means exceptional, pre-school were well set up to differentiate activities for various ages of children and encourage the older ones with basic literacy or numeracy skills. ANY good childcare setting will do this, whether the child is 2 or 5. Childcare settings are already in England dealing with children who are 4 in the first week of September and won't go to school until they are days off being 5, adding in a few more kids who are August or July born isn't a big deal - or shouldn't be.

Again - it's really not a big deal. Happening in Scotland for decades and parents have the choice. Some take it, some don't. Teachers cope just fine with a 15 month age range in a class. Kids cope just fine. All the angst from the OP and several other posters is just weird.

I don’t know what area or what community you and your children are living in but I have sons and they and their friends were not the slightest bit interested in girls at that age. PlayStation was more their thing. There were never any incidents at school and none of my friends sons were showing that kind of interest either.

OK so Lucy leaves and bevy year she still only comes 4th. How are you going to reassure her she's good enough then or is it only Lucy that's stopping your child being happy in life?

You're jealous and mad at a little girl. You could have said it was unreasonable for your daughter not to be delayed a year. That still wouldn't happen, but it's a question to ask. But you're targeting a friend's daughter. Life is a competition, but it will level out and doesn't matter where someone places in sports, toughen up!

Your DD will be well prepared for the real world where there is never an even playing field. I think this is a teachable moment - there is always more value in effort than there is in winning.

Depends on the kids. My child needed private tuition to catch up(our school refuse to keep any child back)
A friend in her class who’s also a July birthday, is academically way ahead her peers and very mature.

I'm sorry for what you experienced at school but it really isn't the norm for 13 year old boys to suddenly start harassing younger kids for sex the second they turn 13. But what's even weirder from your post is you seem to think this is only an issue for the month they're around an 11 year old, not the fact that you're claiming they're sexually harassing all the 12 yo girls