August babies shouldn't be allowed to move down a year

[SapphosRock]

My DD has a late August birthday, she is 6 nearly 7 and about to go into Year 3.

A friend in her class (let's call her Lucy) has an early August birthday but was allowed to move down a year. She is already 8.

No special needs, her mum just decided she would prefer her DD to be the oldest in the class rather than one of the youngest.

This has impacted my DD in a few ways. She is good at sports but being the youngest means she doesn't often win. On Sports Day Lucy came first in the year 2 running race. My DD came 4th so missed out on a medal.

Lucy had a sleepover for her 8th birthday and invited the girls in DD's class. Most went but I didn't think DD was ready for a sleepover as she's still only 6 so she missed out on a fun party.

Lucy got the biggest speaking part in the Christmas play as she is the most confident and articulate.

AIBU and precious to think Lucy should have been kept in the correct year group?

@RunningSME

Every year group in Scotland has that broad range of ages.

It's so not an issue.

I meant to add, why don't you try to view it differently and see it as a positive that Lucy is thriving in your daughter's year, where by she might possibly have been struggling in the year above (she may not of, who knows) and be happy for the child (she's only 8) rather than viewing it as her taking things away from your own daughter.

I don't even know where to start with this pile of nonsense.

YABU.
It was the other mums decision.
And fyi not all august children in the UK start when they are 4. Some of the nations have august children start when they are 5 as standard so clearly there is a reason why it is optional to wait a year in England.

All the ways that this has “impacted” your child are crazy. Your child hadn’t been negatively impacted because someone else has considered their own child’s best interest within the confines of the law.

Has the teacher told you your kid isn't as good as Lucy? Is every child in the class doing identical work regardless of talent? If Lucy wasn't as articulate or intelligent (and there's absolutely no evidence to suggest being the oldest guarantees this) would you be less bitter?

Surely it depends on the child.

I'd prefer that my child was in a class with a 13 year old boy who is engaged and focused and behaves sensibly, than with an 11 year old boy who underperforms, disrupts the class and is emotionally immature compared to his peers.

In reality of course, all children are individuals and many summer-borns will catch up (academically, socially and emotionally) with their peers. But there are a handful who will lag behind and who are labelled and that can sour their whole educational experience.

It isn't just an option for middle class families. Families with 2 full time working parents are financially better off than a lot of families even if only earning minimum wage. The 30 hours continues until 5, and UC will cover about 80% of childcare costs as well. And of course households with someone out of work for whatever reason can also do it. It may be that middle class parents are more aware of their choices, but that's because the option is barely publicised.

I was the youngest in my year and it actually pushed me to be my best. My mum always told me I had “a year in the bank” and so would be able to take a gap year etc without being behind my peers. Now my daughter is the youngest in her class and there’s no obvious difference between her and any of the other kids. I’d stop comparing if I were you and just let your daughter thrive.

What do you think a 13 year boy is going to do?

I think deferring a child so they start a year later is OK. Lots of people do that in Scotland for Jan/Feb children.

moving a child who is already in school for no other reason than wanting them to be the oldest and not the youngest is not good parenting. I feel sorry for the girl, moved away from her friends and having to do all the same work again.

However, given my understanding is that schools don’t move children down year groups on a whim it may be there’s a reason for it you aren’t party to.

Tbh, I didn’t think you could just move your child down a year because you felt like it. August babies can be good at sport etc - I was and I’m an August baby! I wouldn’t let it bother you, because it will slowly eat away at you and there’s no need for that. Just do the best for your dd and ignore everyone else!

I held my August born son back, not so that he would be the best at everything (being oldest by a few weeks hardly guarantees that!) but because he was not ready emotionally and was not even holding a pen. It was a great choice and no regrets. He is not the biggest, the brightest or the best at everything.

I also think 4 is just too young for most kids. I’m Scottish and was shocked at how early kids start school in England.

YABU

Your daughter's 'needs' don't trump Lucy's.

And you're the one who decided your daughter couldn't go to a party all the other girls were going to without issue, not Lucy. They weren't all 'the oldest' in the year. You were being precious.

The real problem is children start school too young in the UK.

I doubt they did it so she could win in sports day. If anything the system should be more flexible. Not everyone is ready for full time education at the same time. Also a skilled teachers will know the difference between 6 yo and 8 yo and work accordingly.

Where I'm from, school starts the year you turn 7 and you look at the age in the calendar year. If the child's social skills are developed they can start earlier and if they still need maturity they can start a year later.

My children’s half brother’s birthday is very late August so was the youngest in the class but it didn’t seem to affect him at all, kept up with everyone and ended up Head Boy. Why does the parent think it’s better to be the oldest in the class - hasn’t that got it it’s own pressures and expectations?

But nobody is expecting her to, other than you? In every class there will be more and less able children, regardless of their age at starting school. Teachers don’t expect all children to meet all of the targets for a year, they understand that there will be children who don’t and those who exceed. Standards are set to ensure teachers are teaching to those standards.

The only person making this into a competition is you.

But also - someone has to always be the oldest and the youngest. My eldest is one of the oldest in his year and my youngest one of the youngest - it’s just luck depending on where their birthdays fall

Ignoring the fact that you think all 13 year old are sexually active, you realise that the difference is under a month? So that 13 year old will only be up to 30 days older than the September born peers you trust to not basically sexually abuse the Summer borns.

Oh dear you’ve not been to many schools recently have you containing 11-year-olds or 13-year-olds

The issue is quite frankly 13-year-olds will try and shag anything that moves at school and their peer group will be your 11-year-old.

Your reasoning is unreasonable but as an August baby I would have hated being kept back a year by the time I got to secondary school and I don’t think August babies should be moved down. So YABU and YANBU 😆

Don’t be silly.

No no I’m not suggesting that they will be sexually active, they’d very much like to be but no you’re right they’re probably not going to be having a lot of luck in that department at that stage but they are most definitely going to be far more aware. An 11-year-old‘s maturity Versus the 12-year-olds maturity in percentage terms is still exponentially different

You could have done the same with your Dd.

FWIW I asked that Ds be moved down a year but the answer was no.

He really couldn’t cope with school and I ended up home educating him.

Revolting, offensive and untrue.