August babies shouldn't be allowed to move down a year

[SapphosRock]

My DD has a late August birthday, she is 6 nearly 7 and about to go into Year 3.

A friend in her class (let's call her Lucy) has an early August birthday but was allowed to move down a year. She is already 8.

No special needs, her mum just decided she would prefer her DD to be the oldest in the class rather than one of the youngest.

This has impacted my DD in a few ways. She is good at sports but being the youngest means she doesn't often win. On Sports Day Lucy came first in the year 2 running race. My DD came 4th so missed out on a medal.

Lucy had a sleepover for her 8th birthday and invited the girls in DD's class. Most went but I didn't think DD was ready for a sleepover as she's still only 6 so she missed out on a fun party.

Lucy got the biggest speaking part in the Christmas play as she is the most confident and articulate.

AIBU and precious to think Lucy should have been kept in the correct year group?

So all those that are pro this, will you be happy when an 11 year old child is in the same class as a 13 year old teen?

An 11 year old girl in the same class as a 13 year old boy?

I don't think you're jealous op but just worried about the gulf between your dd and her peers, which is reasonable.
But Lucy's parents haven't done anything wrong. Maybe their motives are questionable, like they are gaming the system unfairly, or, maybe they genuinely felt she would struggle going into school earlier - we can't judge that and it's pointless, they have taken a legitimate option available for their own reasons.

My ds was a summer baby AND had a speech delay which hindered his social development and he was SO immature going into reception, if I could have kept him back I totally would have done (it wasn't an option then), I felt like I was feeding him to the lions! 😭
However within a year he'd caught up and was flying, he's been top of his class every year since... I couldn't have known that. Imagine if I'd kept him back what a difference between him and the year below would have been!
There has to be a system and not everyone gains from it equally, but that's ok. Help her daughter know her worth, she'll get sleep overs when she's ready. The winning will be the sweeter when it comes because she won't take it for granted. Maybe the other girl will struggle when she's older when she finds that it isn't always as easy to be at the top of the pile, that skewed experience isn't necessarily coming from innate talent and that won't necessarily help her further down the line.
Everyone has to live their life as best they can and what looks great now doesn't always look so great later and vice versa. Just let it go.

I chose not to keep my august ds back as his nursery said he was
ready he probably wasn’t he was also premature so really should have been in the year below if born on due date he’s going in to year 4 and has caught up academically but maybe not so much emotionally.
there was a child in his class who was held back by his parents he was 5 when they started and my ds had just turned 4 I was never jealous of said child yabvu.

My eldest DD went to a Montessori private school for nursery, reception and year one the difference in how she was treated versus my poor baby girl who started in state school and reception was just horrendous. The expectations placed on my June baby who literally been in childcare since she was a-year-old so not on her mother‘s knee the whole time, but just treated like shit from day one. Dragged by the arm to lineup by the classroom assistant. I was told to bring her in in her pyjamas and humiliate her if she didn’t want to get dressed into her uniform to get to school on time. I actually really look back on that time and it upsets me luckily she doesn’t remember it.

I’ve got a July baby and she’s starting school in September aged 5 and 2 months. We’ve done what was best for her, sorry if that pisses you off 🤷🏼‍♀️ You had the same choice but chose not to do it, that’s not my fault.

I don't think being born has any relevance whatsoever I have 2 dc one born in August who took to school very well making friends doing the work then my other child who is born in April struggled with the rules and structure of school.

Again @MrsRobinsonsHandprints - it happens ALL THE TIME in Scotland.

A boy who is 13 on 20th January
A girl in the same class who is 11 and won't be 12 until 20th February.

Or vice versa. My eldest's birthday is the 1st March - he would be a 13 year old in a class with a girl who had potentially turned 12 only the day before.

It's SO not a big deal.

I think parents do what they feel is best for their own child.
My DD is an August baby. She struggled with separation anxiety when she started school but she's never been behind with motor skills, social skills or academically. She's just done GCSEs and hoping for decent grades based on her mocks (she's never won or even come 4th in a race, but I'm not aggrieved by that. I was one of the oldest in the class and never won a race)
DS is one of the older ones of his year. He would definitely have struggled if he had had to start school at the age DD did. I probably would have considered holding him back a year and wouldn't have given anyone else's child a second thought if I'm honest
He's never won a race either!

But if Lucy hadn't been kept back a year, there would still be children in the class 12 months older than your DD. Does the extra month make that much of a difference?

And generally speaking, I don't think people keep their child back in order to avoid them being the youngest per se, I think it's because they don't think their child is ready. So while it's true that if everyone born in august stayed back a year, July borns would be the youngest, that wouldn't be the same issue.

There isnt a cut-off in Ireland is there? A child can start school once they have turned 4 and must start by Sept of the year they turn 6. Free preschool starts the Sept of the year they turn 3 and they must be no older than 5yrs 6 months in their last year of free preschool, children here tend to be older starting primary school since free preschool came in.

So you want children with additional needs (which may not be obvious and is absolutely none of your business) to announce it to the rest of the class - how inclusive of you.

You do realise that being the oldest doesn’t make you the best - some of the super-brains and super-sporty children I’ve come across have been summer born.

Schools always pick the same kids for drama and the same kids for sports. This is surely one of the first areas where we all learn that life is cliquey and unfair. The solution is to sign your child up to activities like this outside school where they get a better chance and more attention. Sports days is such a tragic event. Idk why schools do it!

Meh! So Lucy is a few weeks older than the sept born kids

Personally i think holding a kid back is wrong and in the long run, not doing her any favours

She's gonna grow up always expecting to win

Sorry to burst your bubble but I was the youngest in my year as fast as fuck. Not a genius by any means but slightly higher than average in terms of grades. Means nothing

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

What's the issue?

Op I agree with you, where is the cut off. What if everyone just held their kids back a year?
Where we live the kids start school at 6/7, I knew a few parents who held their kids back so that they would not be the youngest in the class.
It works for the first few years, little James is the smartest in the class, and does exceptionally well in PE. Once they get to secondary school things start to level out, and unless little James is a genius he is no longer always best in the class.
Not always being the best is a lesson we all have to learn, in my opinion it is better to learn that earlier than later. You are setting them up for a fall.

The issue is quite frankly 13-year-olds will try and shag anything that moves at school and their peer group will be your 11-year-old.

So your August born child still came 4th in a running race? So she's not being disadvantaged is she?

You've just taken a dislike to Lucy and her parents, maybe work on your mindset. My DD is off to school next month, I hope none of the parents are like you.

It's the job of a parent to give their child every advantage they can in life. You could have done the same for your DC, but chose not to and are now feeling somehow personally attacked by your friend's choice. That's no one else's problem or fault but your own.

I feel you are being unreasonable, as you should see from having a daughter so much younger than the oldest child in your class. I have 2 Dcs, both were kept down a year, not at my request but as the staff could see neither of them would have flourished. It is not all roses for those kept down, it impacted on my DS's sports as he was too old to play with his year group for things like Rugby. I feel education is often squishing square pegs into round holes so the fact that your school took the other parents concerns onboard and let her stay down is I would say a big plus.

Well in a running race the school is literally benchmarking against the person who comes first, and if that person comes first because they are racing children over a year younger than them it doesn't seem very fair. I get what OP is worried about, and I also understand why Lucy's parents did what they have done. Most of us try and do the best for our children and then worry whether we have - Lucy's parents may well be worried themselves about whether this is best for her in the long run and indeed about how they or her are perceived. As for the comment about being laughed at in the staff room . . . . gratuitous and makes you sound teacher-obsessed and someone who enjoys mean little comments.

I have an August born child. I found the two points it was a disadvantage was the very first year or so in school and when she started college. Many of her friends could drive before she was even allowed to start to learn. I also think she'd have focused on her GCSEs better if she was a little more mature. It didn't make a big enough difference to cause a real problem though. She was high average academically and did well enough to do what she wanted to.

My January baby just did her GCSEs and she was far more mature about revision, part of that will be personally not just age though.

OP, are you resentful of Lucy’s parents because you wish you’d made that same choice in retrospect?

I expect Lucy’s parents had a good idea when she was still 3 whether she’d be ready for full time school in a few months or not, and took the decision accordingly.

People don’t keep their children back in the hopes of sports day medals.

Sorry but I think you're wrong. Surely there are some September Born's in your daughter's year who are close in age to Lucy, maybe even less than a month difference? Then by having an August born it will mean the majority of the class will be older than your DD, some only by a few months, but many by 6 months plus.

It sounds like you resent that Lucy's mum made a different choice to you and you see her choice benefitting her daughter.

Just though it was a tad unfair my DD is expected to work / perform at the same level as a girl 13 months older than her.

I was put up a year when I was at primary school (I never knew why) so there were people in my year who were over a year older than me. It never made any difference whatsoever to me.